Emma often hears from her friends that she’s incredibly lucky with her mother-in-law. The woman genuinely tries to help the young family, and in the future, when a child arrives, her support will become even more valuable.
Five years ago, Emma married John, and for the first year, they lived in his mother’s apartment in London. While this period wasn’t a nightmare—his mother welcomed Emma warmly, there were no fights, and they shared household chores—there was still a serious lack of personal space for the young couple. His mother could walk into their bedroom without knocking, rearrange their belongings as she saw fit, and later criticize Emma for not keeping things tidy.
When the couple finally bought their own home in Manchester and moved out, life became much more peaceful. Meetings with John’s mother were planned and limited to weekends.
But this peace lasted only a year. One day, his mother announced that she wanted to move closer—there was a nice apartment for sale nearby, and she wanted to be there to help the family. Emma and John weren’t thrilled with the idea, but they still helped with the purchase and moving process.
From that moment on, their peaceful life was over. His mother asked for a key to their apartment and now drops by whenever she pleases, without any warning. Emma comes home from work to find her mother-in-law already cooking dinner in their kitchen. Moreover, she believes it’s her duty to “teach” the young couple how to properly manage their household, all under the guise of care and support.
But the most frustrating part is the complete lack of personal space. She walks into their bedroom without permission, washes Emma’s underwear, and even wakes them up at seven in the morning on weekends with a plate of freshly made pancakes—because cold pancakes just aren’t as tasty.
John doesn’t see a problem—he’s happy that his mother is around and helping. But Emma increasingly feels like their family boundaries are disappearing.
How can she gently but firmly explain to her mother-in-law that there should be limits to her involvement in their lives? How can she make it clear that she is a welcome guest, but still just a guest, and should behave accordingly?
