Dont Leave, Mum. A Family Story
They say you cant judge a book by its cover.
But I, Barbara Middleton, have never put much stock in old sayings. I pride myself on understanding people better than most.
My daughter, Grace, got married just a year ago.
I had always hoped shed find a good, respectable English lad, someone she could build a strong family with. I pictured myself as the matriarch, presiding over family dinners and Sunday roasts, as I always used to do.
But then there was Simon. He wasnt a fool, not by any means, and certainly not poor either. In fact, he seemed rather pleased with himself about that. But they went and moved into his place right after the wedding, and it soon became clear that neither Grace nor Simon needed my advice!
To me, Simons influence on Grace was entirely negative.
None of this fit with my vision. I found myself growing increasingly irritated by Simon.
Mum, you just dont get it! He grew up in care, you know. Hes worked so hard for everything, hes strong and kind, Grace would say, clearly upset.
But I only pursed my lips and kept looking for new faults in Simon.
He was hardly anything like hed appeared to Grace. I felt it was my duty as a mother to open her eyes to the sort of man he really was, before it was too late.
No education to boast of, stubborn as anything, not interested in a single topic!
Hed just sit around in front of the telly all weekend, saying he was tired!
Is that really the sort of life partner Grace wanted? Over my dead body! I was sure Grace would thank me in the end.
And if they went on to have childrenmy grandchildrenwhat sort of father would he make, really?
In truth, I was badly disappointed in how things had unfolded. Simon, sensing the chill between us, began to keep his distance as well.
Our conversations grew fewer, and eventually, I stopped visiting their flat entirely.
Graces dad, ever the easy-going man, decided to stay out of it altogether.
Then, late one evening, Grace called me up, sounding terribly anxious.
Mum, I havent mentioned, but Im away on a work trip for a couple of days. Simon caught a cold at the site, came home early, feeling dreadful, and now hes not answering his phone. Im a bit worried.
Grace, whats all this for? You two chose to live your own lives, barely a thought for your old mum and dad! Why should it matter to me how he feels? Doesnt seem like anyones bothered how I am, does it? And now you ring me in the middle of the night to say Simons under the weather? Are you sure youre alright?
Mum, please Graces voice trembled, and I could hear the worry in it, It hurts, you know? You think Simons not good enough or that hes hollow inside, but thats just not true! How could you think Id marry a bad man? Im still your daughterdont you trust me?
I fell silent.
Mum, please, youve still got a key to our flatcould you pop in for me? I really think somethings wrong with Simon. Please, Mum.
Alright, only for your sake, I replied, and went to wake Graces father.
No one answered the door to their flat, so I let us in with my key.
It was dark inside. Perhaps he wasnt in after all?
Maybe hes out? my husband suggested, but I gave him a look. Somehow Graces anxiety had caught on with me.
When I found Simon, I was horrified. He lay on the sofa in a strange position, burning with fever.
The paramedic managed to revive him.
Dont worry, the kindly man told me, your son-in-law is just suffering complications from a nasty cold. Looks like he tried to work through it. He works a lot, does he?
Yes, he does, I replied quietly.
Hell be alright. Just monitor his temperature and ring us if he gets worse.
Simon slept, and I sat in an armchair next to him, not sure what else to dositting by the bedside of a man I thought I couldnt stand.
He looked so pale, strands of sweaty hair stuck to his forehead. For the first time, I felt sorry for him. In sleep, he looked younger, softernothing like his usual self.
Mum he muttered half asleep, clutching my hand, dont leave, Mum.
I was taken aback, but I couldnt bring myself to pull my hand away.
I stayed with him till dawn.
At first light, Grace called again.
Mum, sorry, Ill be home soon. Dont worry about coming round, I think things will be okay.
Of course theyll be okay, its all sorted already, I smiled, Were waiting for you. Everythings just fine.
*****
When my first grandson was born, I leapt at the chance to help.
Simon kissed my hand in gratitude.
See, Grace? And you thought your mum wouldnt want to help us.
Beaming, I carried little Harry around the flat, chatting away to him,
Look at you, Harryyouve got the best mum and dad and the finest grandparents. Youre a lucky lad!
Turns out the old saying is true after allyou really cant judge a book by its cover.
Only love helps make sense of it all.
