— Do you know that your husband has a mistress? — Do you know that he has a wife? — I replied playfully. — What?! — came a shocked voice from the phone. — It is not me!

— Do you know that your husband has a mistress?

— Do you know that he has a wife? — I replied playfully.

— What?! — came a shocked voice from the phone. — It is not me!
— Well, it is not me either!
— Then who is it? — the voice asked in confusion.
— A horse in a hat, — I deliberately twisted the phrase and hung up.

I had no husband, but my mood was terrible, so why not have a little fun? The call came again a couple of hours later.

— Yes, I know about the mistress, — I reassured the worried voice while chopping a chicken thigh.
— How do you know?! — the voice was startled again.
— You are so indecisive, mistress, — I scolded her while sprinkling tomato sauce over my meal.
— What are you doing? — the girl on the other end sounded completely confused.
— Eating a thigh.
— Whose?!
— The last mistress’s.

The call ended abruptly. Laughing loudly, I savored both the thigh and the wing, washing them down with blackcurrant tea.

This time, the “mistress” did not keep me waiting long—just until I had finished the last sip of my tea.
— You lied to me, — the voice on the phone accused.
— Welcome back, mistress.
— Why are you not crying? — after a pause, the voice continued the conversation.
— Why should I cry?
— A proper wife should cry! — the voice was shocked.
— But I am not a proper wife. A husband off the sleigh—easier for the woman.
— So, you are letting him go? — the girl froze again.
— Am I holding him?
— Girl, stop twisting my mind! — the voice snapped. — So are you letting him go or not?
— Take him, — I gestured widely. — And also take William, Victoria, Violet, and Vesper.
— Who are they? — the mistress was bewildered.
— Two children, a parrot named Wind, and a cat named Vesper. Guess where the cat is. — I barely held back my laughter.
— But… Why do all their names start with “V”? — she asked cautiously.
— Would you prefer “A”? — I could not resist teasing.
— It is still strange.
— Nothing strange about it. My husband chose them. He said, “In my house, everything will start with ‘V’.”
— But your name is Lily! — the mistress said, shocked.
— Correct, — I chuckled. I, who was actually Rose. — Do you know what he called me? — I piqued her curiosity.
— What? — the voice on the phone asked with anticipation.

In my mind, I rushed through names starting with “V” and theatrically declared:
— Valerie!
— And he called me “little starling,” — the mistress admitted hesitantly.

At this, I could no longer hold back—I burst out laughing. My bad mood vanished completely. I was glad I was not married and did not have to take such nonsense seriously.

The “mistress” called again at midnight:
— You know, — she said boldly, — if you are such an unsuitable wife, then take back your unsuitable husband. You are a perfect match! — she snapped and hung up.

Later, I saw that she had blocked my number.

And that was how I accidentally saved someone’s marriage on a Saturday night. I hope the wife appreciated it.

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— Do you know that your husband has a mistress? — Do you know that he has a wife? — I replied playfully. — What?! — came a shocked voice from the phone. — It is not me!