This happened about a year and a half ago, in winter, when my son was just five months old. My brother-in-law rang up and asked if he and his girlfriend could stay with us for a week. How could I refuse? I cant say I was thrilled at the prospectafter all, our son was still just a baby. I wasnt sleeping much, barely eating, and hardly had a minute to myself, while the relatives, as usual, kept me on my toes. Still, I thought perhaps it wouldnt be so badthey might help out, give me a break, and at least Id have someone close by for a chat and a cup of tea.
They arrived empty-handed to stay for the weeknot even a small rattle for the baby. Ive always had a rule: you dont visit a home with a child in it without bringing something for them; thats how I was brought up. But I supposed perhaps this situation was different.
They said they had some business in town but didnt say much about it.
I played the good host: cooked, cleaned, got to know them better. Everything seemed fine on the surface, but those few days they were with us, his girlfriend didnt once offer to lend a hand with the meals, the cleaning, or even watch the baby while I kept busy around the flat.
Shed head out each morning to run errands, her boyfriend would sleep in till midday, my husband was off at work, and there I was, dashing about the flat with our son. Shed come home, then lounge on the sofa till evening, relaxing or just watching telly.
And there was me, juggling a baby and mopping up the floorswhat with winter out and all the slush, the place was always getting dirtyplus meals to prepare, a baby to feed and wash.
By the third day, Id had enough. I told my husband how I felt, but he only shruggedbest not to get involved in a tiff between women, he said. The fourth day, my husband got home from work just as the two of them decided to go out to the pictures.
We quickly cooked dinner together, had a bite to eat, and soon after, the pair were back. They brought loads of beer, all sorts of snacksand of course, nothing for me, the knackered mum nursing in the other room. They couldnt even have brought a cake.
The cheerful couple had dinner, then dashed off to watch a film, ringing my husband to invite him along. Thats when I really felt put out, so I pulled his girlfriend aside and said:
Look, Im sorry, but couldnt you offer me a hand at least once? Ive got a tiny baby, Im absolutely shattered. Even just peeling a few potatoes for soup, or asking if I wanted help would mean the world.
She replied, Are you going to scold me? I dont think thats fair! Im tired as well. (Tired from what, I wonderedsitting on the sofa?) I said, Honestly, dear, youre staying in my flat. Im not your guest, youre mine. She snapped, Im not listening to this!
Id had enoughYou know what, darling? Pack your things and go.
They gathered their bags and left. I cried out of sheer frustration for a good long while after.
Now, looking back, I cant help but reflect on how important it is to set boundaries, even with family. Sometimes, standing up for yourself is the only way to keep your own peace.
