Divorce Over the Neighbour
– Just explain it to me, William of all the women in the world, why her? From me, to her how does that even happen?
There was simply no contest between myself and Emily. It would almost be easier if William had come out with something trite like, “she’s bubbly, carefree, not as uptight and dull as you.”
– How could this happen, Mary? How? You two always seemed so happy – wailed my mother, my sister, and all the countless friends as soon as they heard we were headed for divorce.
– We were, – I agreed. But thats over now.
– Mary, you really ought to give it some proper thought before you leave a man like him, people would say. Hes a good provider, adores his children, he doesnt even want this divorce
As soon as anyone suggested that, I added them to my own permanent blacklist. On Facebook, WhatsApp, and yes, real life too.
The colleague, for example wed always got on, chatted in the kitchen at work. Now she gets little more than a polite nod or a clipped morning if we cross paths.
And when she tried to push conversation on me about giving William a second chance, I couldnt help letting her have it: I told her exactly what I thought of her unsolicited advice, and her attempts to railroad me back to a husband whod cheated.
Yes, cheated. I still cant really accept it.
Its not as if we had a bad life! Twenty years together since university. Wed been through enough salt together, as the old saying goes, to fill a lorry and Id believed that was the kind of thing which made marriages last.
Wed faced it all: periods of being broke, losing jobs, illnesses ours, and the childrens.
Two children, a boy and a girl, a full house. The home was always in good nick, dinners cooked, and I never once had to feign a headache
I kept myself looking presentable, never treated him like just a walking cash machine, and always made time for him after the kids were born he was never neglected.
What more could the man possibly want, that he felt the need to go off and have an affair?
And with whom! It would be almost understandable if it was some girl half his age. Instead, William drifted into the arms of a woman in the next street, a divorcee with a child.
– Please, just tell me, what is it that you see in her?
After I found out, I went back and forth between laughing and sobbing, while he mumbled his way through a series of pathetic explanations.
Out of all the women you could have chosen, you ended up with her why?
Against Emily, I came up lacking on every count. Its not as though William could even say, Shes fun, less strict, doesnt nag like you.
He didnt even try to claim Emily had those unique qualities which might justify abandoning our life together.
Was he drunk, perhaps? Not even that stone-cold sober.
The best he could do was stammer, I dont know how it happened, then beg, with all the self-pity he could muster, to be accepted back.
It hadnt even occurred to him to divorce me and move in with Emily. No, he wanted to carry on as though nothing had happened a bit of fun on the side, then home again with a straight face, slipping into my bed like the Emily debacle never existed.
That might have happened if Emily herself hadnt gotten pregnant from their fling, and then decided that she wanted a husband for her baby (and for her first child as well). So she came to my door, causing a scene.
At first, I didnt believe a word of it. How could I, after twenty years of marriage, knowing my husbands every quirk?
But Emily knew things you dont learn by accident: exactly where Williams birthmarks were, the shape of that scar on his back. No one could make that up.
So there it was. And with the truth out, William had no choice but to come clean and beg forgiveness.
To my astonishment, a few people took his side. Not just our mutual acquaintances, but my colleague, a couple of my old friends who never even liked William, distant cousins
Suddenly everyone was pressing the idea that I ought to forgive him, go back to pretending nothing happened, and keep loving William as if he hadnt shattered our home. That, I could not understand.
Of course, my former mother-in-law did her best to coax me into saving the family. She could see her son regretted everything, wanted to undo the mess so she told me how awful my life would be without a husband.
She even tried to turn the children, dropping hints that they should talk me into staying with their father. It was unpleasant and underhanded, but at least you could see her reasoning.
But why did anyone else care what happened to my marriage? Was it just the crabs in a bucket thing If were knee-deep in misery, at least lets keep everyone else in with us?
Or something else? I hadnt a clue. Either way, I refused to accept it.
I suppose I was my fathers daughter, after all. He passed away years ago, but he left me with one lesson thats steered my course in life, more than any other bit of wisdom:
– Darling, if someone calls you selfish, tells you to put up with things, to give up your peace or forgive someone simply because thats how its done, or that God himself would insist on it Dont believe them. Theyre just trying to take something from you, to get what they want at your expense.
I made that lesson my own. Every time people tried to guilt me, load me with obligations, or play games, it was always in moments like this.
No one manipulates me against my will. As it turned out, my kids felt the same: right after I filed for divorce, Williams mother rang, demanding that our son and daughter unblock her on WhatsApp and get back in touch.
She just goes on and on, my daughter Lucy explained over dinner.
My son, Edward, was staying over at his girlfriends, so it was just Lucy fielding questions about why theyd blocked their grandmother.
All she ever talks about is how we need to get things back together, how wonderful it will be if you and Dad patch it up, and on and on.
Ive told her more than once that she should leave us out of it, let you two sort it. But she just doesnt listen repeats herself on a loop.
So I blocked her, until she can act like a proper grandmother again.
– Thank you. I know none of this is easy for you, and Im grateful youre not letting yourself get dragged into the whole guilt-tripping routine.
– Mum, Im not clueless, – Lucy sighed. I know what Dads done. If you two were splitting up over a disagreement about holidays or picking curtains, sure maybe you could have worked through it.
But this Normal people dont forgive betrayal. Dad knew that. He went to Emily anyway.
I still love him, hell always be my dad. But what did he expect? Whats Grandma expecting now?
I had no answer. Just a month ago Id have thought I could field any question my daughter threw at me.
But how do you answer, when you dont even know yourself? When you cant explain how someone you trusted for two decades, who was always a model husband and dad?
Yes, everyone has a past but Williams never done anything outrageous before. Then, suddenly, he pulls this stunt a proper midlife crisis, if ever there was one.
Turned out, William still had plenty of mischief rattling about in his head or maybe somewhere lower down.
And in the end, he revealed his true colours to the former family in the most dramatic style.
That was five years after our divorce.
