Divorce Because of the Neighbour
Just tell me, Mark, of all the women in England, why her? Why did you go from me to her?
Maria could not help but ask the question that had been gnawing at her from the moment the truth came to light.
Marks new flame, Caroline, wasnt winning any prizes against Maria in anyones eyes. If only Mark had said something like, Shes fun, carefree, not as uptight, not such a bore as you.
But nothing of the sort came from him.
How could it be, Maria? You two seemed so happy together wailed her mother, her sister, and her throng of friends the moment news broke of their impending split.
We were, Maria admitted, but thats over and done with now.
Maria, think long and hard before leaving a man like that. He provides for the family, he loves the children, and doesnt even want a divorce…
Anyone who dared utter this advice earned themselves an instant, permanent blockon social media, on WhatsApp, and in real life.
Thats how it came to be that a once-friendly colleague now received nothing more than a curt nod and the obligatory hello in the corridor.
When she tried to resume their friendly chats, Maria let her have it: for the unsolicited advice, for all but pressuring her to return to a cheating husband.
Yes, a cheater! Marias mind could hardly process it.
Twenty years togetherit was like they’d endured a lorry-load of the proverbial salt, not just a pinch, as folk wisdom dictated.
Theyd seen it all: scraping by with no money, Mark out of work, illnesses, the childrens coughs and colds
A picture-perfect family: a boy and a girl. The house was always tidy, dinner ready, and Maria never feigned a headache to dodge her wifely duties.
She took care of herself, never treated Mark as a cash machine, found time for him, didnt cast him aside as soon as the children came along.
So what more could this philanderer possibly have wanted, for him to suddenly stray?
And with whom?
If hed gone after some younger woman, at least that could be explained. NoMark fell for a divorced woman with a child from the next row of terraced houses.
Just tell me, Maria asked him again, through streaming tears and fits of laughter, as the affair came out into the open, what did you find in her?
Caroline, in comparison, offered nothing that Maria didnt.
But Mark could not put his finger on anythingMaria half-hoped hed mention something tangible, but he couldnt even manage that.
It wasnt the drinkhe was completely sober.
All Mark could do was mutter, sounding utterly pitiful and self-deprecating, I dont knowit just happened, and then beg to come back home.
Unbeknownst to Caroline, Mark had never intended to move in with her permanently.
Hed wanted to play the cat who misbehaves, then slinks home, curls up at Marias feet, and pretends his mischief never happened.
Perhaps that might have worked, had it not been for the twist: Caroline became pregnant from their escapades, and insisted that Daddy step upfor her new baby, and for her older child too.
So she marched right up to Marias front door, causing a proper row.
At first, Maria couldnt believe it. How could she, after twenty years, suddenly not know her own husband?
But then Caroline began recounting detailsmarks and scars and birthmarksthat you wouldnt know unless youd seen a man undressed.
There was no denying it; Mark had to confess everything, and plead for forgiveness.
Suddenly, to Marias dismay, some acquaintanceseven friends and distant relatives, whod previously ignored Marksided with him. Even a colleague from work, random friends, distant kin
All voiced the same opinion: Maria should just bear it, forgive, and love Mark regardless, behaving as if nothing had happened.
This Maria could not comprehend.
Her mother-in-law pleaded with her to keep the family togetherand at least that made some sense. The old woman could see her son was desperate to make amends, and in her mind, Maria would suffer dreadfully in the absence of a man.
She even tried to cajole the children, whispering to them to beg their mother not to divorce their father.
Manipulative and cruel, yes, but at least the motive made sense.
But why did everyone else have such a stake in her marriage, or her decision to leave?
Was it that crab-in-a-bucket mentality: Were all in the muckcome sit with us? Or something else? Maria didnt know. Either way, she refused to tolerate it.
Maria had inherited a vital lesson from her late father, something that’s always guided her; more a mantra than a moral.
Daughter, he would say, if someone calls you selfish, tells you to make sacrifices, share, step aside, forgive, just because thats whats done or because someones god said so
Dont believe them. They just want to take advantage, solve their problems at your expense, or secure their own desires by playing on your guilt.
Maria clung to this advice, and had time and again seen how accusations and guilt-tripping tactics arose precisely in situations like this.
She never let anyone manipulate her. Nor, as it turned out, did her childrenbecause right after Maria filed for divorce, her soon-to-be-ex mother-in-law rang her up, demanding that the kids unblock her and resume contact.
She just wouldnt stop, explained her daughter, Katherine, over dinner.
Their son, Victor, had stayed over at his girlfriends place, so it fell to Katherine to answer.
All she talks about is how we should get you and Dad back together, that everything will be rosy if you just forgive and move on.
I kept telling her to leave us out of ittwice, three timesbut she never listens. I just blocked her until she starts acting like a proper grandmother again.
Thank you, Maria said with relief. I know this cant be easy for you. I appreciate you didnt fall for her manipulations and start singing her song.
Mum, Im not daft, Katherine sighed. I know what Dad did.
If you and Dad were splitting because you couldnt agree on a holiday or the colour of the kitchen curtains, maybe you could patch things up
But no normal person forgives an affair. And Dad knows it. So what exactly is he thinking now? Or Granny, for that matter?
Maria had no answer. Just a month ago, shed felt certain she could answer any question her daughter posed. But what could she say now, when every answer slipped through her fingers?
How could a man whod been so exemplary for twenty yearsno serious misdeeds, no dramasuddenly go and ruin everything like that?
Was it some midlife crisis, a devil in the ribs as they say?
Whatever the madness, it had seized Mark thoroughly, and he showed his true colours in the most outlandish way.
As fate would have it, five years after the divorce, life went on.
Maria learnt that you cannot be responsible for someone elses choices, nor should you let anyone tell you what to forgive, forget, or endure.
Your own happiness is not selfishnessit is self-respect. She built a new life with her children, guided by her fathers wisdom, never again doubting her right to stand her ground.
That is the lesson: forgiveness is a gift, not an obligation. Don’t let guilt or society force you to carry what isnt yours. In the end, you are the one who must live your life. Make sure its the one you choose.
