Dave, Dave, get upEmilys crying again!
Sam tugged at my Tshirt sleeve, but my eyes wouldnt open. I was so exhausted I could have shouted at my brother, then tucked my head under the pillow and slipped back into the warm darkness. Better still if there were no dreams, because the same vision returned: my father sitting on the porch of my grandmothers cottage, patting my head and asking,
How are you, lad? Hard day? Sorry about everything I didnt mean it Emilys crying again You
I snapped out of that halfsleep and almost fell off the bed. Emilys wail had finally roused me. Sam sat on his own bed, watching his older brother wrestle free of the blankets.
Been shouting long? I smoothed my unshaven hair and shuffled over to the little sisters cot. Youre my little nightowl! Why are you yelling? Mum isnt home yet. Shell be back in the morning. Come here!
Emilys face was turning a deep red from the screaming. I lifted her out of the cot, gave Sam a nod, and he hurried over with a fresh diaper, pressing the baby against his chest.
Sweetheart, youre right as rain now. Keep it down a bit, will you? Not all the neighbours have heard yet. Ill sort it out in a minute, just hold on.
The familiar tone soothed her, and within minutes she was happily slurping the formula milk Id prepared.
Glutton! I kissed her forehead, a habit that told me shed had no feverno thermometer needed. Couldnt wait for Mum? Shell be tired when she gets back, and weve got to keep her company. Finish up, then well try to get some sleep while we can. Sam! I turned to my brother, smiling. Now thats a good ladalready asleep. Not like you and me, right, Emily?
Halfyearold Emily gurgled once more and let go of her pacifier. I gently cradled her on my shoulder, careful not to let her start screaming again, and paced the room, rubbing her back.
Good job, love. Now you can go back to the cot. I laid her down gently, glanced at the clock.
Should I stay in bed? I still had an hour before the school bell, but Id got a B in biology and a D in physics. My poor marks were my own faultI should have been listening in class rather than playing Battleship with Victor. Id have to review the last couple of paragraphs before the next parentteacher meeting; I didnt want Mum to look embarrassed because of me.
David! This wont do! Youre always late! One more slip and youll be in the headteachers office!
She didnt understand that my tardiness wasnt selfish; Mums shifts at the supermarket often ran over. So I stayed with Emily while rushing Sam off to nursery. You cant just leave the kids alone; Mum would have a fit. If only Dad were still around, things would be easier. Mum would be home, like she used to be, and we wouldnt have to scrimp for a flat after Grandma threw us out.
I didnt want to think about Grandma. I wasnt sure why the fights with Mum started, but I guessed it was because Grandma was always shouting and never held back. After the funeral shed turned up, waited while Mum ushered us out of the room, then launched into accusations.
Its all your fault! You bred a whole litter like a rabbit, and what could I do? I had to work! And you think Im the one to blame for my sons death?!
I lost it. I bolted from the room, ignoring Mums tears as she tried to stop me, and confronted Grandma.
Dont speak like that! You dont know anything! Dont insult Mum! Dad loved usEmily, Sam, and you. It was Mum who kept him from leaving, saying there was no help, only criticism! You cant raise children in that atmosphere! Youre always shouting! Why are you here? We dont live with you any more! Dont come back!
Grandmas stare still haunts methe way she opened her mouth, paused, then said, Youre still young enough to raise your voice I replied, Now theres no one to stand up for Mum. I wont let anyone hurt her, understand? She looked over my shoulder at Mum, then shook her head and left. I sometimes see her on the street, but I pretend not to notice. She never approaches, just watches from a distance. I avoid talking to her; I dread the day she might turn up when Im not home, as Mums nerves are already frayed. Since Dad died, Mum cant even breastfeed Emilyshes lost that source of comfort. If she keeps crying, things will only get worse.
It reminded me of Polly from flat43, whose mother was a chronic drinker. Neighbours complained, social services intervened, and Polly ended up in a childrens home. I once snuck in with some mates through a flimsy fence, hid in the bushes, and waited for Pollys outing. She wailed like a banshee, and I handed her the sweets my Mum had bought for Sam and me. Her mother later patted my head and said she was proud of her son, though she hadnt really helped Polly.
Mum doesnt drink, but you never know what excuses will surface. Aunt May, our neighbour, keeps complaining about Emilys shouting. What can I do? Shes still a babyher tummy aches, her teething. The doctor said she already has three teeth. She once bit my finger so hard it almost bled. Good teeth, strong bite, but now she puts anything in her mouth. Yesterday she fell asleep clutching Sams stuffed rabbit, its long ears flopping. Sam first got angry, then gave up and didnt even whinehe must have thought the rabbit was more important than a toy.
The alarm chirped softly; I turned it off and got ready. It was time for school, Sam for nursery, and Mum would be back any minute. I still had to finish breakfast for everyone.
Just as I was about to slice the toast, the front door clicked, and Mum slipped in, shedding her old coat. She wrapped her arms around my cheeks, looking straight into my eyes.
Morning, my knight!
Morning, my queen!
Wed started this little greeting after Id found a copy of Walter Scott on the bookshelf.
Hows it going?
Emily was screaming again last night. I gave her a bottle and some teething gel. She settled.
New tooth coming?
Not yet, but her gums are swollen. No fever.
Good. Dave, what would I do without you?
Mum I saw Grandma again yesterday.
Claire froze, fingers twisting the edge of the newspaper.
Did she say anything? Did you talk?
No. She just stood by our flat, stared at the windows. When I got closer she turned and walked away.
Claire nodded, lost in thought, then realized I couldnt see her face. She lifted my chin, meeting my eyes.
Dont be angry with her, alright? Shes difficult, but shes still your grandmother. Even if she doesnt love us, were still her grandchildren you, Sam, and Emily.
Then why does she keep complaining about how many of us there are?
Love, son Some people think they know the right way to live and try to force it on others.
Why? Why do they think theyre better?
Maybe because they think age and experience give them that right. Sometimes its true, but it also stops younger people from learning their own lessons.
Its nonsense how everything works out for them!
Exactly! Claire smiled, looking at me. Time flies. Not long ago you were Sams size, now youre in Year7. Youre growing up fast.
She brushed my cheek, then said, If you see Grandma again, dont argue. If she wants to talk, listen, then decide what to do. Forget what she said today. When grief hits, people act out of pain, not malice.
I didnt fully grasp her words, but I knew she meant well. I glanced at the clock and sprang up.
Blimey! Valerie Middleton will have my head if Im late for first period again!
Off to second then! Claire grabbed my old Tshirt and pulled me to the kitchen. You havent even eaten breakfast!
No time, Mum!
Dont worry, school wont run away. Youll catch the bus soon enough.
She shoved a plate of toast with jam into my hands and hurried out to wake Sam.
Half an hour later I was sprinting to school, clutching Sams hand as he hopped along.
Dave, Dave, will you play with me tonight?
Sure.
Can you teach me to draw a motorbike?
Of course.
And a car?
And a car.
Sam! Ill teach you anything, just shut your mouth its freezing out there, so move faster, okay?
Sams eyes lit up; the prospect of having me all evening to himself made him quiet. He stared at me, serious.
Dave, are you angry?
I jerked out of my thoughts, surprised.
No. Why do you think that?
Youre quiet, your eyes are like chess pieces.
Just thinking! Run along, dont dawdle. Mum wont know, Ill sort it out later.
Will you put me in the corner? Sam asked, hopeful.
No, Im not teaching you to draw a car!
Dont! Sam whined. Dave, Ill behave if Natty doesnt pour water on my bed. Then we can draw the car tomorrow, ok?
Sam, you cant bully girls.
Natty isnt a girl! Shes a menace!
Still, you cant. We dont know what Emily will become. She could turn into a bully too, and the boys might turn on her.
Should we fight? Sam raised his eyebrows.
Who? I asked.
Not Emily the boys!
Ah! Thats different. Dad always said only strange folk start fights. Normal people think first.
I flung Sams sweater over his shoulders, nudged him toward the school gate.
Off you go! Ill see you this evening.
Why not Mum?
Mums leaving early for work. The holidays are coming, and the shop needs restocking.
Got it. Sam gave a solemn nod. He knew Mum worked as a senior assistant in the large 24hour supermarket on the high street. Wed visited her there once; the place was so big Sam feared getting lost. At that time Emily wasnt even born, Mum was waiting for her, and Dad was still alive The thought of Dad made Sams nose twitch, and he glanced around for Natty, hoping she wouldnt tease him later.
Valerie Middleton kept her promiselater that day I had to see the headteacher. She listed all my accomplishments, real and imagined, most of which were fabricated.
Very difficult lad, indeed. Well need to intervene, otherwise youll end up in the youth service, and well have a problem.
MsHarper, the headteacher, examined me with a curious stare. When Valerie finished, she asked me to step into her office.
Tea?
The question was so odd I stared at her, forgetting to answer.
Well take your silence as a yes. She clicked the electric kettle, pulling a tin of Birds Milk sweets from a drawer.
Do you like those?
I nodded. Everything was so baffling I kept quiet.
Youre not late because you want to be, she said, eyes narrowing.
I tried to explain, but my throat was dry.
Do you help Mum?
I nodded again.
Emilys tiny, she struggles, and youre already an adult.
Youre more than an adult, David. Youre practically a man now. Im proud of you. If you keep this up, Mum will be very proud. I wont scold you for being late today, but please try to be on time. Dont worry about Valerie; Ill speak with her. Youre not the sort of kid theyd put in any troublemaking register.
I swallowed a sweet, remembering Dads advice: if you dont know what to say, keep quiet. Id look smarter that way.
MsHarper placed a cup of tea before me.
Hungry?
No, we had breakfast.
You should have eaten, youre a skinny lad. You run around like a live wire all day! Ah, David, a bit of your energy would be nice.
She laughed, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
The other pupils gathered at the door, peppering me with questions, but I waved them off. Mum said I was late, didnt want to upset her.
They drifted away, and I settled on a windowsill with my physics textbook, still halffinished on the chapter Id missed yesterday. I scratched my ear, earned a five on the test, and the physics teacher, MrsBennett, patted my shoulder.
Dont worry, David, I saw you studying.
Back home I helped Mum tidy up, and after putting Emily down I tackled my homework. Sam would be back soon, demanding drawings of cars and bikes, and the weather was turning grimValerie would be miffed if I missed the hill with the other lads again. The holidays were near, and Mums shift at the supermarket was getting hectic. Luckily AuntAnnie, a friend of Mums, had landed a decent position there, so things were manageable.
Mum dropped Emily off and rushed to work. Sam, content, scribbled in his sketchbook while I finished biology and moved on to algebra. Suddenly a strange smell hit the kitchen; the stove was off, yet the odor grew stronger. I sensed something was wrong and sprinted to the living room, then to Emilys cot, but changed my mind.
Sam, get dressednow!
I threw warm trousers and a coat on Sam, helping him into shoes. I grabbed Mums paperworkshe always said the documents were the most important thing not to lose. I snatched Emilys cosy jumpsuit, pulled her from the cot, and shouted,
Quick, out the door!
Sam, confused, started toward the hallway, but I ordered again, Hold my pocket, alright? Grip tight or youll get lost!
The flats doors were slamming shut, neighbours shouting, trying to understand the chaos. I kept moving down the stairs, pulling Emilys hat over her head as she woke, wailing like a siren.
Outside, I left the building and sat on a bench by the playground. The smell came from a fireMrsPollys flat was ablaze. Emily clutched me, eyes wide at the fire engine that roared past, its siren wailing at the wrong time. Sam clung to my side, trembling, and I tried to calm him:
Its alright. Mum will be back soon. I left my phone upstairs, but we cant go back for it. Lets just wait.
Zoe, Mums sister, raced in, shoes halfoff, shouting my name. Her cry cut through the noise, and even the firefighters paused. When a lanky boy with a baby appeared, the fire chief signaled All clear.
Zoe fell to her knees in the snow, laughing and crying, planting kisses on Emily and the boys. I tried to comfort her, but soon collapsed into her arms. Grandma stepped forward only after Zoe had calmed, looking bewildered.
Whats happened? Zoe asked, wrapping a neighbours coat around Emily.
Its all right, love. Everyones safe.
Grandma, her hair dishevelled, whispered, Im sorry, old fool
I stared at Mum, who had finally arrived, her cheeks pink from the cold.
Whats the matter, love? she asked, pulling Emily into her coat.
I pointed toward Grandma, who was standing a few steps away, staring at us.
Thats my motherinlaw, Zoe said, turning to see her. Shes just exhausted.
Dont worry, well get home, I muttered, and we all headed back, Emilys tiny hand in mine, Sams jacket tugged tight.
The fire subsided, the night grew colder, and as we walked home, I thought ofAs we slipped back into the quiet house, I whispered to Emily that tomorrow would bring a new sunrise and a fresh chance to keep our little family safe.
