I was a late child, because Mom and Dad couldn’t have a baby for a long time. They had to go through a hell of a lot of therapy and find ways to bring me into the world. I never let myself forget that, but at the same time I don’t like it when my parents rub my nose in it during arguments, reminding me of what I cost them.
I used to hear harsh words and sayings only during arguments or when I was scolded for something. I thought I would be able to avoid this when I was older, but even when you are no longer a child, your parents still think of you as their mentors and instructors. My dad has taken it to a new level since he turned forty-six.
I was still in high school, there was nowhere to go, so I had to put up with his moody moods and unnecessary advice and attempts to educate me. He would rush from “my darling daughter” to “you’ve ruined our whole life” a million times a week. And my mom couldn’t really defend me, because then he would say all sorts of things to her, too.
I planned to live with my parents for a long time-at least four years of university-but I’m only in my second year, and I want to leave as soon as possible. Dad will always find a reason to be unhappy with me and complain about everyone around me, and it lowers my self-esteem and my mood. If he has some problems, it doesn’t mean that the people around him are to blame.
I don’t know if it will go away with time, but as soon as I find a part-time job, I’ll move anywhere, just so I don’t feel like a burden around my father.