**Diary Entry: “Couldn’t Love Him”**
“Girls, which one of you is Lily?” A young woman eyed me and my friend with a sly, knowing look.
“I’m Lily. Why?” I replied, puzzled.
“Heres a letter for you, then. From William.” The stranger pulled a crumpled envelope from her coat pocket and handed it to me.
“From William? Where is he?” I asked, surprised.
“Hes been moved to a care home for adults. He waited for you, Lily, like a man waiting for rain in a drought. Nearly wore his eyes out staring out the window. Gave me this letter to check for spelling mistakesdidnt want to embarrass himself in front of you. Anyway, Id best go. Lunchtime soon. I work here as a carer.” She sighed, gave me a reproachful look, and hurried off.
…It had all started one summer when my friend Sophie and I, sixteen and restless for adventure, wandered onto the grounds of an unfamiliar building. We perched on a bench, chatting and laughing, until two lads approached us.
“Alright, girls? Bored? Fancy a chat?” One of them held out his hand. “Im William.”
“Lily,” I said. “This is Sophie. And whos your quiet friend?”
“Leonard,” the other boy mumbled.
They seemed oddly old-fashioned, almost stern. William frowned at us. “Why dyou wear such short skirts? And Sophie, that necklines a bit much, isnt it?”
We laughed. “Eyes front, lads, or they might just pop out of your heads!”
“Hard not to look. Were blokes, arent we? You dont smoke, do you?” William pressed, his tone prim.
“Course we do. Just not properly,” Sophie teased.
It was only then we noticed something off about their legsWilliam shuffled painfully, Leonard had a pronounced limp.
“You here for treatment?” I guessed.
“Yeah. Motorbike crash,” William rattled off, as if reciting lines. “Len took a bad fall off a cliff diving. Well be discharged soon.”
We believed them. Back then, we had no idea they were lifelong residents of that place, their “accidents” just stories they told to hide the truth. To them, Sophie and I were a taste of the outside worldbright, fleeting, and free.
We started visiting every week. At first, out of pity, then because they were clever, well-read, wise beyond their years. William plucked flowers for me; Leonard folded origami for Sophie, shyly pressing it into her hands. Wed sit togetherWilliam beside me, Leonard turned toward Sophie, whod blush but never protest.
Summer faded into a soggy autumn. School swallowed us whole, and we forgot about William and Leonarduntil, after exams, we returned on a whim. We waited two hours on that bench. No flowers, no origami.
Then the carer appeared with Williams letter. I tore it open:
*”Dearest Lily, my sweet blossom, my distant star. You never realised, did you? I loved you from the first moment. Those visits were my very breath. Six months Ive stared at that window, hoping. You forgot me. Our paths diverge, but Im gratefulyou taught me real love. I remember your voice, your smile, your hands. How I ache without you! Just one more glimpse but theres nothing left to breathe.
Len and I turned eighteen. Theyre moving us come spring. Doubt well meet again. My hearts in tatters. Maybe one day Ill recover from you.
Goodbye, my darling.”*
A dried flower fluttered out. Shame twisted in my chest. Nothing could be undone. That saying flashed through my mind*were responsible for those weve tamed*. Id never guessed the depth of Williams feelings. I couldnt have loved him backjust friendly curiosity, a bit of harmless flirting. Id stoked the fire without realising it would consume him.
…Years have passed. The letter yellowed; the flower crumbled. But I remember the laughter, the easy talks, Williams quick wit.
Theres an epilogue. Sophie, moved by Leonards storyabandoned by his parents for his “difference,” one leg shorter from birthtrained as a teacher. She works at a care home now. Married to Leonard. Two grown sons.
William, Leonard told us, lived alone. At forty, his mother reappeared, wept over him, and took him to her village. After that, he vanished.
And me? I just couldnt love him.
