You know, having grown-up children isnt quite what I imagined. Im here, hanging on by a thread, and yet I barely get any help from them. Honestly, they treat my house in the countryside like a holiday cottage turning up for a bit of a break, like theyre on a spa weekend. And me? Oh, Im the maid service: welcoming them, feeding them, tidying up after everyone, ferrying around the grandkids. I dont even get help, let alone anything towards the shopping or bills.
Ive got a son, James, and a daughter, Emily. To me theyre still my kids, but really theyre adults now, each with their own families. James has two little ones, and Emily has just had her first. Theyre always popping in, them and the grandkids, and I do love seeing them but every visit feels a bit more daunting than the last.
Its become routine: they arrive and settle in like its a guest house. I do all the cooking, plan the meals, stock up on groceries, set up the bedrooms, make sure the place looks cosy. Its always been our family way my mum used to welcome everyone with a spread that could feed half the village, plenty of comfort, never letting anyone lift a finger. But, you know, my sister and I we never took advantage. We saw Mum struggling and chipped in, washed up, kept an eye on the kids, swept up, grabbed whatever groceries were needed. Mum wouldnt have dreamt of asking us for help, but we could see she was tired.
Now my own kids come over and if they rinse a plate, its a cause for celebration. I get it with my daughter-in-law and son-in-law, theyre guests in every sense, and I expect to look after them. But it stings a little with Emily and James. They never seem to clock how much Im juggling they come for a good meal, lounge in front of the telly, or nip out leaving me watching the grandchildren for hours. Im left to scrub dishes, throw together lunch and dinner, mop up, all while wrangling toddlers and toys. Each visit leaves me a little more worn out; my back aches, I dont have the stamina to stand at the hob all day anymore.
Still, how I was raised stops me saying anything. You cant just ignore your guests I was taught thats not how you do things. I get myself all worked up, looking forward to the weekend with the family, then spend the whole next week recovering from the chaos.
Honestly, I do need help, but I feel awkward asking. I worry theyll think Im ungrateful or disappointed in them and Im not, I really do enjoy having them here. But its hard carrying all the weight, and theres always jobs in the house I simply cant keep on top of. I feel embarrassed to say anything, and besides, theyre all working full time, so surely they shouldnt be spending their only downtime taking care of me.
No idea what to do, really. Its the way we were brought up just get on with it and never ask for help. My parents would never ask; we sorted ourselves out. And now Im stuck in this loop where pride stops me speaking up and I end up exhausted, feeling a bit lost. I wish my kids saw how tough it is at my age Im not twenty, I havent got boundless energy anymore. Im not hurt exactly, just a bit worn down and unsure how to break the cycle. Just dont know how to fix this, you know?
