Changed My Mind About Marriage
February 16th
I’ve been working late at the university lab again, hunched over glassware, endlessly pouring liquids from one test tube to another, analysing mysterious powders.
I kept telling myself that this tedious work would soon lead to a breakthrough, and Id finally be able to present my discoverya compound I’d isolated from the roots of a rare British wildflowerto the scientific world.
My enthusiasm for my research at forty had become so all-consuming that I hardly noticed the glances from Ruby, the young cleaning lady whod only recently joined the staff.
Unbeknownst to me, Ruby would linger for hours in the lab, leaning on her mop and gazing at my back as I worked. Yet all I could think of was moving closer to an answer.
One evening, mustering courage, Ruby decided to speak up.
Dr. Archer, youve been sitting in the same spot since the crack of dawn! Fancy a cup of tea? Ive an electric kettle on me by chance… and some homemade sausage rolls.
The mention of sausage rolls finally drew me out of my trance. I stood up from my desk and nodded.
Tea and sausage rolls? How could I refuse that?
Rubys face lit up with delight as she fished through her rucksack, pulling out the kettle and a container filled with food.
My mum sent me some pork mince from the village, so I made sausage rolls last night. Theres a bit of streaky bacon in there too. Baked them nice and fresh, she said, setting it all out.
I squinted through my glasses, which I had just taken off, and examined the transparent container.
May I ask how long these rolls have been in your bag? I asked, perhaps a little too sharply.
Ruby faltered. Since this morning, I suppose. Is that a problem?
Hmm. Was the lid sealed tight, as it is now?
Err… yes, she replied nervously. You dont think itll have gone off, do you? The staffrooms chilly. They havent turned the radiators on yet.
I hesitated, fighting with my own caution.
I see… Well, lets have the tea, just the tea. Better take those rolls home with you, just in case.
Ruby, whod spent her whole evening preparing her special treat, shot me a vexed look and snatched her container off the table.
I could see from her expression she wasnt pleased.
Oh, dont open it! I blurted out, waving my hands in warning and backing away with my handkerchief over my nose.
Ruby ignored me, snapped open the container, sniffed, and shrugged.
Smells fine. You city folk are so precious! Suit yourself if you dont want any. Ill eat them.
She plonked the box on the table and set about pouring out tea.
The hot tea felt uplifting, melting away some of my own tensions. I glanced at Ruby, who was tucking into the sausage rolls with obvious satisfaction.
Whats in them, beef? I asked, after a moment.
She nodded, mouth full.
They look wonderful, and I have to admit, they smell smashing.
Appetite is a strange thing. Despite myself, my mouth watered.
I tried to stick to my decision, reasoning silently, You never know about food thats been left out, no food safety inspection, Lord knows what temperature her bags been at, and shes not exactly one for following the rules…
But as my stomach gave an indignant growl, I found my hand reaching, almost without my permission.
As I took a bite, the golden pastry cracked and the savory filling melted in my mouth.
Delicious! Who made these?
Told you, me, Ruby flushed.
I kept eating, eyes closed, nearly in a state of culinary bliss.
No words. Seriously delicious.
Ruby grinned, wiped her mouth with her sleeve and blinked away tears.
Knew youd like them in the end. I grew up cookingbeen baking since I was little.
***
After such a filling tea, I insisted on escorting Ruby to her bus stop. We chatted a bit more, and I discovered she was just twenty-three.
Young enough to be my daughter. We waited a good ten minutes for her bus, which didnt come.
Ill bring in some homemade biscuits tomorrow, if you like, she offered shyly. Carrot, or maybe some ricotta ones I make from scratch. Which do you prefer?
Im not fussy. Both sound great.
Ill bring both, she beamed.
A ridiculous truth: I found myself looking forward to tomorrow, my mind less on formulas, more on Ruby… and the most peculiar dream visited me that nightRuby, shy and blushing, slipping off her blouse to reveal her snowy shoulder.
I woke up flushed, feeling foolish.
Forty years Ive lived, never bothered with women before, and now, look at me. Like a lovesick schoolboy, I muttered.
Part Two
The next day, on the drive to meet Rubys family, I was anxious. As the taxi rattled along the country lanes, I took off my flat cap and tried to arrange the fine hair over my growing bald patch.
Ruby, just the night before, had found my greying hairs popping through and carefully plucked each one out as I lay with my head in her lap.
That morning, Id shaved, donned my best suit, clipped on a tie, splashed on aftershave, and made every effort to look respectable.
Ruby pressed her cheek to mine and closed her eyes, purring like a tabby cat.
Theyll love you, she murmured. Mums understanding, and my stepdad, John, hes easygoing, agrees with anything.
How olds your mum? I asked.
Forty-five.
And Im forty. Do you think shell approve?
Of course. If shes funny about it, Ill just say Im having your child.
Lets not start our life together with a lie, I stammered.
We finally arrived. The wind nearly snatched my hat, and I clung to it, eyes wide at the sight of her family home.
Never had I seen such a place outside old English storybooks: rickety slate roof, a lopsided chimney, and a battered iron pot on top.
The heavy door groaned as we entered, and the timber floors creaked under handmade rugs. The plastered wallsall unevengave the place a surreal feeling.
My word, how can anyone live like this? I thought, staring in horror.
Maybe its a guest house or, at worst, some hunting or fishing hut.
But when Ruby shushed me and nudged me into the one small parlour, I realised she wasnt joking.
In the middle of the room, a stout woman stood wrapped in a flannel dressing gown.
Mum, this is Archer, my fiancé. I told you about him on the phone.
Her mother shot me a glacial look.
Hello, she gritted out, looking me up and down.
The tone did not bode well.
Are you having a laugh, girl? How old are you both?
I swallowed, feeling awkward.
My names Archer. I work with your daughter
How old are you? she thundered.
Forty, I admitted.
My girls only twenty-three! Youre old enough to be her father!
Please, I tried desperately, I know Im older, but I love Ruby. Id look after her. I have a job, a flat in town, and a cottage outside the city
No car, though! she barked.
Well, no, I have poor eyesight and dont drive. But I could buy one. I can teach Ruby to drive, if thats so important
The cheek! So you want a maid then? What do you take us forservants? Her voice rose sharply.
Youve got it all wrong, I said, taking a deep breath. I want to marry Ruby, have a church wedding, start a family together. Id never do wrong by her.
At that, a cheerful man with twinkling eyes and curly dark hair strolled in from behind the stove. Early thirties at most, lean and surprisingly handsome.
Evening, pleased to meet you, he said with a grin. This was John, Rubys stepdad, and I couldnt help but notice he looked more like a model than anything else.
John, dont go fawning, Rubys mum huffed. Im not letting my daughter marry that old codger!
Mum! spluttered Ruby, How can you speak like that to guests? Im leaving with him.
Youll do no such thing!
The tension exploded with shouting from all sides. All I wanted was to disappear. I gently disentangled Rubys fingers from mine and tried to slip away.
Ruby, Im sorry. Lets part ways. I cant defy your mother.
Shes got no right to control me! Ruby shouted back. She has her toy-boy boyfriend herebarely older than me! And yet Im not allowed to love who I choose?
Dont talk back, girl! barked John.
Oh, shut up, John! Rubys mother roared over them both.
Within seconds, it became a full-blown family crisis. I kept my head low and made for the doorjust dodging a flying footstool.
Lord have mercy, I muttered, fleeing the dysfunctional home.
I hurried through the snow-covered village, desperately searching for a taxi or a train station.
Stress pressed on my chestI mustve aged ten years. My mind kept circling the thought: Why did I ever agree to this circus? I could be in my warm lab right now.
I fished out my phoneno reception at all. After a while, cold and defeated, I trudged back and found the cottage by its cracked black pot on the chimney.
The shouting had died down. The door creaked open, and out came Ruby with bags in her hands.
Archer, there you are! she called softly. I was frightened youd run off.
I just needed some air, I lied.
If my mother wont give us her blessing, Im leaving home, she announced.
I hesitated, my toes frozen stiff in my town shoes. All I could do was dance around to keep feeling in my feet.
I was really beginning to wonder: was Ruby worth it? Especially with such mad family drama.
Rubys mum came out, swathed in an old sheepskin coat and boots, standing regal and imposing on the porch.
Since you wont respect me as your mother, off you go! Hes your responsibility now.
Ruby threw her head up. Better him than here, Mum! Archers a good man! Just ring for a taxi, would you?
Not a chance! Youre on your own nowdont come running back.
Ruby jabbed me in the ribs. Come on, darling, do something.
I felt frozen to my core, and with my last ounce of strength said, No signal herewhat do you want me to do, work a miracle? Ask your neighbours to ring a cab, perhaps.
It was the most surreal, dreadful moment of my life. My knees buckled with a mix of fear and cold, and I dropped helplessly to the ground.
Whats happening?! Ruby screeched, causing a scene as I mumbled, Got a funny turn. Never thought Id meet my end here. I want to go home.
NO! she wailed, and I swore Id tumbled into a vision of hell.
***
My mind was cloudy when a village paramedic appeared and jabbed me with something. Gradually, I regained my senses, blinking up at the patchy ceiling and chalk-marked walls.
Lie still, the medic insisted. Half an hours rest, at least.
What happened? I croaked out.
High blood pressurehypertensive crisis. Youre to avoid stress.
Not difficult, I thought bitterly, until today…
Rubys mother reappeared in my vision, sneering, A sick man as well!
Ruby pushed her away. Leave him alone, Mum!
She gave me a mug of hot tea, feeding it to me like a child.
As the medic got up to leave, I asked, Can you take me with you?
Take you where?
Arent you with the ambulance?
No, I live in the village. Work here.
Ruby looked me in the eyes. Youre not leaving, are you? Weve sorted everything outMums calmed down. She says its all right now.
I couldnt even bring myself to look at her.
They might have come to some conclusion, but I have my own opinion. If I manage to get out alive, Ill never come near women again, not even by accident.
***
That week, after a long day, I turned to my lab assistanta quiet woman, thirty-two, always adjusting her glasses.
Im finished here, I said. You can pack up, too. Told you half an hour ago Id be closing up.
She blushed, pushing back her fringe.
Ive brought in a cake. How about some tea?
No! I snapped too quickly. Teas for after work, not during. Were here to work, not laze about.
But we finished ages ago, she ventured with a small smile.
Go home, I barked.
Her smile faded. She packed her things and left quietly.
Maniac, she muttered as she went.
I exhaled and locked the lab door.
Back at my flat, I arrived just after eight. Ruby opened the door as the key turned.
Evening, Dr. Archer.
Whats for dinner? I asked, avoiding her eyes.
Rich duck soup and potato dumplings.
Good. Im starving. Make a note of what I owe you for the groceriesadd it to your wages at the end of the month.
I took off my shoes and coat, washed my hands, and went into the kitchen for my supper.
Ruby fidgeted nervously.
Are you still angry with my mum? Shes explained everything. She was just worried that a man like youa respected, soon-to-be professorwouldnt want to marry me for real.
She only made a fuss to raise my value. Silly, really! But I still love you, even if we were a bit dramatic.
I stirred my soup and felt a strange emptiness despite the warmth of the meal.
Or did the family row scare you off? It wasnt a big deal. We argue all the time and make up later. Maybe we went too far… but isnt that just life?
I stood up, took Ruby gently by the shoulders, and led her into the hallway, handing her all her things.
Its late, go home, Ruby. No need to come tomorrow. Ill eat leftovers. See you in a couple of days.
With that, I closed the door on her tear-stained face and went back to my supper.
Today, I learned the hard way: sometimes its better to keep work and personal life separate, and never let a sausage roll decide your fate.
