I was 18 years old. Pregnancy, childbirth and a little man to whom I gave life. He is lying next to me and sleeping peacefully… And I, turning away from him, try not to think about the past day, about how hard it was in the hospital, how I told the doctor that I would not take the child, how delegations of medical workers visited me for several hours and persuaded me not to give up such a wonderful boy.
I was lying in an ordinary ward, designed for three, but, for some reason, by coincidence, there was no one else in it except me and my son. It made me think and remember even more.
I remembered the meetings with the father of the newborn, who at first swore eternal love, and then, having learned about the pregnancy, turned pale, as if he was in my position and, mumbling something, disappeared. I did not see him again, and my tutor from the orphanage brought me to the maternity hospital, advising me to immediately resolve the issue of abandoning my son and start arranging my life.
And my life – it was very close, it was worth reaching out, and you can touch this little lump, which is completely unaware of what is happening around it. My son woke up and started whimpering. I was able to endure for about five minutes, convincing myself that this is not my child; I wrote a refusal, and in the morning the final formalities for his admission to the baby’s home will take place. I also expected that now a midwife or a nurse would come into the room, feed the child and do everything necessary for him.
But no one came, and I got up from my bed and went to my son. The wrinkled forehead and toothless mouth, which opens helplessly, would have told even a stranger that the baby was hungry. Almost unconsciously, I took my son and put him to my breast. He, covering his eyes, blissfully sniffled and calmed down, and I, feeling the warmth of the child, cried, and, seeing that the nurse on duty appeared nearby, asked:
– Can I take back my refusal?
The nurse hugged me, and replied:
– Well, of course, you can, mom! You’re doing great!