My brother James got married six years ago. Since then, neither I nor our parents have ever set foot in their home. Every holiday, birthday, or family gathering always takes place at our parents’ place in their spacious house on the outskirts of Manchester. Mum cooks mountains of food, sets the table, then sends James and his wife, Emily, home with containers full of homemade meat pies and salads.
When James first married, Emily’s birthday came around a few months later. Mum, full of enthusiasm, decided to surprise us—she bought a cake, picked out a nice present, and we prepared to visit. Mum called Emily to let her know, but she coldly replied that she wasn’t planning to celebrate. Mum, unwilling to back down, insisted:
“We’ll just pop round for tea and cake! You don’t have to prepare anything, love!”
In the end, we went anyway. But instead of a warm welcome, we were shocked—Emily met us outside, muttering that the flat was “a mess,” and refused to let us in. Stunned, we handed her the cake and present right there on the doorstep before driving off. Ever since, Mum’s hosted all celebrations at hers, and we try not to think about that awkward moment.
Emily once outright told our parents:
“You’ve got a big house—plenty of room for guests! We’ve only got a tiny flat—where would we call you to?”
I nearly lost my temper. Surely a one-bed flat has space for her husband’s parents and sister? It’s not like we’re a crowd—just three people! But we stayed quiet to keep the peace.
Now Emily’s five months pregnant—our parents’ first grandchild—and Mum’s beside herself with worry. She constantly rings James, asking how Emily’s doing, if she needs help. But we recently found out Emily quit her job early in the pregnancy. Mum panicked:
“Is she unwell? Does she need my support?”
James reassured us—Emily was fine, just wanted to “take it easy.” We were baffled. James and Emily had always lived large—dining out, holidays, fancy clothes. No mortgage—the flat was Emily’s inheritance—so they splurged on luxuries. But with her not working, their income’s taken a hit, and their lifestyle became unsustainable. James tried explaining they needed to cut back, but Emily seems unwilling to give it up.
She admitted she quit over fear of “catching something at work.” Understandable, but now their budget’s stretched thin, and she still expects the same luxuries. Then, out of nowhere, James invited us over for his birthday—to their place! Mum and Dad were stunned. Dad even joked:
“Will I finally get to taste my daughter-in-law’s cooking?”
Mum was thrilled at the idea of a family evening. I rang Emily to sort the details but got hysterics instead. Sobbing, she said she didn’t want us there:
“I’ll have to clean and cook! I’m pregnant—it’s too much!”
I tried calming her:
“Em, keep it simple. Boil some potatoes, make a salad, roast a chicken—easy. We’ll bring the cake. It’s just dinner for five. What’s the issue?”
I even offered to order takeaway to make it easier. But she kept whining about having to mop and tidy. I snapped:
“Em, it’s a one-bed flat! How hard is that? Do you only clean when guests come?”
Finally, I gave her an ultimatum:
“If you really don’t want us, we won’t come. We’ll call James to wish him happy birthday, and that’s it.”
Mum agreed when I told her. We explained it to James, and he exploded:
“Emily’s at home all day—can’t she cook and tidy? You’re coming! We can’t afford a cleaner or takeaway, so she’ll have to manage!”
His words hung in the air like a storm cloud. Now we’re all at odds. The thought of celebrating at theirs has lost any appeal. Watching Emily sulk, sighing dramatically—who wants that? We refuse to feel unwelcome in my own brother’s home.
But at the same time, it kills me to think we can’t be there for James. He’s so desperate to host us for once! How can we just not show up? It’s his day—he shouldn’t suffer for his wife’s moods. We’re stuck: swallow our pride and go, risking a miserable evening, or refuse and break his heart. It feels impossible, and every choice just pulls us deeper into this mess. What do you do when love for your brother clashes with resentment for his wife? No clue—but the birthday’s coming, and we’ve got to decide.
