Out from Under Her Mother’s Shadow
At thirty-five, Margaret was a modest and, as people might say, meek woman. She had never been on a single date with a man, despite working as an accountant for years in the same firm shed joined straight after college.
Margaret didnt pay much attention to her appearance. She favoured shapeless clothes, was a bit round, and wore a sorrowful look with the corners of her mouth always drooping. Her mother, Caroline, had birthed Margaret when she was only eighteen, and nobody ever explained who the father wasMargaret never even knew his name. Shed grown up in the countryside with her grandmother. School was finished there, and only once she left for college did she come to live in town with her mother.
While Margaret was in the village, Caroline was always living it up in Londonher mind only on parties. She did hold down a job but was carefree and changed boyfriends often, always glamorous and wild. Shed turn up to the village every month, sometimes less, bringing Margaret a little toy before vanishing again. Margarets grandmother was strict; the girl felt neither love nor affection from either her gran or her mother.
To this day, Margaret still lived in their flat with Caroline. Now just over fifty, Caroline looked fabulousyouthful, slim, sporting fancy makeup, going to beauty salons, and even dating from time to time. Margaret was her polar opposite.
At last, Margaret finished handing off her work documents to the colleague covering her holiday and stepped out of the office.
Well, heres another holiday for me, she thought, fumbling her purse, Paid leave all in my bag. Shame, reallymother will just take my money again, and my holiday will be spent at home Im so tired of this. Why cant I stand my ground? Im no child anymore, yet she keeps me close and wants every penny from me. I cant spend my earnings as I please. My life is a dead end
She opened the flat door and saw her mother waiting in the hallway.
Finally, youre home, said Caroline. So? Got your holiday pay? Hand it over.
I have, replied Margaret. Just give me a moment to undress at least.
Youve got time to undress later
Margaret opened her bag and began rifling through for her wallet.
Oh heavens, you still carry that disgraceful old bag, like a pensioner. Worn to bits, arent you ashamed? her mother scolded sharply.
Margaret was stunned; tears welled up in her eyes.
Id have money for a new one if you didnt take every last penny from me, she blurted out, surprising herself with her bravery.
Youre not only stuck with that horrible bag, youre a frumpy, scruffy mess yourself. Slim down, get yourself together! her mother mocked. Im embarrassed to go out with you.
Embarrassed? Yet youre not embarrassed robbing me of my wages. I dont go anywhere with you as it is! Margaret shouted, then, spinning on her heel, darted out of the flat.
Teary-eyed, she fled down the stairs, burst from the front entrance, and crashed onto a bench, burying her face in her hands. Time passedshe had no idea how longwhen a familiar voice called out.
Margaret, whatever are you doing here? Lifting her head, she saw Mrs. Anna Holland, the kindly elderly woman from the next door stairwell. Are you crying? She sat down next to Margaret and took her hand. Whats wrong, my dear, is it really so terrible?
Margaret couldnt help herself and confessed everything to Anna Holland.
My mother takes all my money, buys expensive makeup and clothes for herself, and Im left wearing tatters. Ive been soft since childhood, couldnt stand up to my gran or my mother. My mother is cruel and controlling Anna shook her head sympathetically, and suddenly Margaret was embarrassed.
Oh, I shouldnt talk about my own mother like that. Youll think Im a gossipor a complete failure, which is true.
Anna Holland had long known Caroline, and hadnt a jot of respect for her; shed always viewed Margaret with pity. She realised Margaret was under her mothers thumb.
Now, Margaret, stop crying and worrying. Youre a grown womanyou need to look after yourself now.
But what sort of woman am I, Mrs Holland? No ones ever loved me, not even myself, Im just not needed
Listen, you need to leave your mother, straight away. Margaret stared fearfully at her neighbour.
But where would I go? My salarys not big enough for a place of my own. Mother would be furiousshe wants my holiday pay. I just snapped, couldnt bear her biting at me So I ran
Listen, you said youve got your holiday pay and managed to keep it, right? Dont worry about your mothershe can look after herself, and shes got plenty of cash. You should think about you. Ive an offer: go stay at my cottage, out in Kent. The house is sturdymy late husband built it himself, thought hed live there forever well, fate had its say. Youre off work on holiday, so go on, live there, I wont ask for a penny.
Oh, Mrs Holland, are you sure its safe, letting me into your home? asked Margaret.
Dont be silly. Ive known you for ages. You wait, Ill fetch the cottage keys, give you the address, and jot down my phone number.
Margaret got herself to the railway station, bought a train ticket and settled by the window, watching the other travellers. Shed never left Londonnot for anything beyond home and work. No one paid her any mind, and as the train rolled away from the platform, Margaret watched the countryside streak past. She got off at the right stop and walked briskly to the cottage, unlocked it, and stepped inside.
A ringing silence enveloped her; Margaret gazed around and collapsed into an ancient armchair.
Goodness, this peace How wonderful being alone! What a worldfreedom and quiet, she mused.
Her mother wasnt watching over her, sarcasm dialled down. Spotting the remote, Margaret put on the TVa talk show, something she wasnt allowed to watch at home, where her mother always changed the channel to her favourites, regardless of Margarets wishes.
Youre so hopeless, no wonder you watch rubbish! Caroline would jeer, forbidding Margaret any resistance and immediately starting up with nasty words.
Margaret had never replied harshlyjust ducking her head further and further during her mothers rants. Shed never even considered putting her mother in her place.
She soon explored the house, switched on the fridge and stored a bag of supermarket food shed picked up near the train station: frozen pies, some cheese, and a tub of yoghurt.
Margaret heated the pies, ate them, and finally felt settled.
How lovely it is, being on my own, she rejoiced.
Soon after, her phone rangit was her mother.
So, youve run off. I saw you with Mrs Holland on the bench outside. See how long you last on your own Lets see! Listening to strangersno one will help you, youre so useless and clueless, youd be lost without me
Margaret cut the call, knowing a blizzard of cutting words was coming. Strangely, she wasnt even upset. That evening, Anna Holland phoned in.
Margaret dear, how are you settling? Familiarised yourself?
Yes, Mrs Holland, thank you.
My nephew Stephen will come tomorrow. Hell bring some of your things.
My things?
Yes, Caroline dropped off a big bag of your clothes to me, said: Since youve taken my daughter, take her stuff as well
Thank you, Mrs Holland. How will I know Stephen?
Oh, hell arrive in the carits parked just behind the fence. Tall fellow, with glasses
Is that alright?
Margaret, stop these odd questions. Youre a grown woman, time to join in lifeand most importantly, love yourself. Sort yourself out, get some new clothes. Youre honestly rather pretty underneath it all, just a little neglected. Right then, goodbye
Outside, dew sparkled in the grass, somewhere a dog barked, birds sang
Margaret mulled over her neighbours words and moved to the mirror.
If you look at me separately, my eyes are actually quite nice, if rather sad. My hair is thick, though I always pin it up like an old lady. I do need to lose weightmother is right on that.
Margaret slept at her new place like she was knocked out. Not once did she wake in the night. In the morning, sunlight trickled through the curtain, and she opened her eyes. She strode to the window and flung it open. Dew shimmered outside on the lawn; somewhere a dog barked in the distance; birds sang.
How grandwhat a beautiful morning, she thought, stretching.
Soon she was sitting out on the verandah, sipping coffee found in the cupboard. Later she watched TV. The thought struck: maybe it was time for a new job, to rent a flat somewhere; after all, travelling in from Kent would be a nuisance. The idea of her mother didnt even cross her mind. Her heart fluttered with excitement at the prospect of new beginnings.
At last, Ill live for myselffree of mother, her musings were interrupted by a gentle knock on the door.
Oh, who could it be? she whispered, nervously peered through the glass and opened the door.
A tall man in spectacles stood at the threshold, clutching a large bag.
Hello, he smiled warmly, Im Stephen, and you must be Margaret?
Yes, I am. Come in, she said, moving aside.
My Aunt Anna asked me to bring your thingssee if theres anything I can help you with. Need a lift anywhere? My cars just out the gate, said Stephen, his voice friendly and gentle. Dont be shy, MargaretAunt Anna tells me youre terribly shy and reserved. I know well, I know your background, from Aunt Anna.
That was how Margaret first met her future husband. Stephen came to love her deeply, especially with his unhappy first marriage behind him. Falling in love, Margaret transformed almost overnighther timid shuffle and haunted gaze disappeared. She slimmed down, wanting to be radiant for Stephen. She went to a salon, and they performed wonders; Margaret hardly recognised herself.
Is it really me? she marvelled at her reflection, a wide smile with sparkling eyes.
Stephen moved her to his flat in the city.
Margaret, Ive always dreamed of a woman like youkind, honest, and caring. Lets not waste timewere not children. Will you marry me?
She agreed at once, knowing how lucky she was to have met Stephen. They were alike in many ways. The wedding was quiet and simple, but Caroline was invited. True to form she sniped away at the reception, but Mrs Holland quickly shut her down. Caroline didnt linger and soon left. No one really missed her; even Margaret was unfazed.
Stephens family adored Margaret. He gazed at her with love and thought, It comes sooner or laterhappinessfor everyone. It came to us, to Margaret.
Soon enough, Margaret was expecting a baby, and her happiness doubled. Late though joy came, it blossomedshed all but forgotten the frightened girl who grew up under her mothers rule, found the strength to change her life. Not only had her looks flourished, but her heart did too; for the first time, she loved herselfand Stephen.
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