An Audacious Aunt
“So it’s hard to help family now, is it? Just kick them out, and suddenly you’ll have space!” The woman was relentless in her attempt to find free accommodation in the big city. “Our little Amy has always dreamed of visiting London! We’ve already bought the tickets, and we’ll arrive tomorrow! Make sure your flat’s ready for us, alright?”
“Yeah, sure.” Jake, a student, smirked, preparing to end the call. “Would you like a red carpet laid out as well? I’ve had my say, you’re on your own.”
It was a pleasant June day. Jake was returning from university, relieved to be done with exams. Now he could finally relax. On his way back, he popped into a shop to grab some junk food for a TV binge. Once he reached the flat he shared with his classmates Harry and James, he planned to spend the rest of the day by himself. But the phone rang. The screen lit up with: “Mum.”
“Hi, Mum!” Jake beamed. “How are you? Not too lonely?”
A comfortingly familiar voice came through, sounding a bit tired.
“Hello, darling,” replied Sarah Lawrence, listening eagerly to her son. “Oh, we’ve plenty going on, never boring, you know.” She chuckled silently. “How’s uni? How did your exams go?”
“All done, Mum,” Jake replied, munching on crisps loudly. “Now I’m on the hunt for a summer job.”
“Thank goodness,” Sarah sighed with relief. “But there’s something I need to ask you…”
“What’s that?” Jake asked, intrigued.
“Remember Aunt Linda? My cousin?”
Jake wracked his brain trying to conjure up any memory of Aunt Linda. After sifting through images of numerous relatives from both sides of the family, he eventually drew a blank on this Linda.
“How could you forget?” Sarah sounded a bit surprised. “She visited us ten years ago for your birthday. She’s got a daughter, Amy.”
Ah, yes, now he remembered. Aunt Linda had indeed come to the party, though the memories weren’t exactly fond ones.
As Jake recalled that day, he remembered the horrible jumper the aunt had given him, how she’d inspected his room while his parents were busy in the kitchen, and her constant nagging about the mess.
“In Amy’s room, everything’s immaculate,” Aunt Linda had declared, scrutinising every shelf. “Not a speck of dust! But what about here? Your parents are clearly not raising you right, such a little piggy.”
As a child, Jake couldn’t quite grasp the grown-up’s words. What was so wrong? Surely, a few scattered toys or cups on the table didn’t make him a piglet?
Then there was Amy… A couple of years younger than Jake, she acted like she owned the place and clearly lacked any discipline from her mother. When Jake asked her to leave his room, Amy just laughed, stuck her tongue out, and rummaged through his dresser, looking for something intriguing. Finding his favourite colouring book, she examined it with interest before viciously tearing it up, all the while smirking. That’s when Jake couldn’t take it anymore. With great effort, he rescued the scraps of his book and shoved Amy out of his room. Outside, he heard her cries morph into an ear-piercing scream, followed by the thunderous footsteps of a hefty woman who soon appeared in his doorway.
“You little monster!” Linda shrieked, glaring at Jake. “You’re hitting my little girl?”
“I didn’t hit her…” Jake tried to explain, pointing to the torn paper, but the woman wouldn’t listen. Instead, she slapped him across the face, shook him furiously by the shoulders, lifting him off the ground. “I’ll show you how to treat my girl!”
Jake could only stare at her in terror. He dangled in midair, legs flailing with each shake, tears streaming. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his parents, startled and finally managing to save him, pulling Linda away and forcing her and her weeping daughter out of the apartment. Jake hadn’t seen them since.
After reminding his mother about that ‘celebration,’ Jake heard her sigh, then:
“It’s all in the past, love. So many years have gone by, it’s not worth holding a grudge. I’m sure Linda’s changed over the years…”
“I’m not so sure,” he doubted her current sanity. “Why mention her now?”
Sarah hesitated before replying.
“Linda, her daughter, and father-in-law are coming to London. They’d like to stay at your place for a week. It’d be nice, too, if you could show them around.”
“Oh, so that’s why Auntie popped up out of the blue,” Jake mused as his mum spoke.
“Mum, sorry, but I can’t let them stay. There’s no room, and Harry and James pay rent too, they’re rightful tenants. If the family wants to visit, hotel it is.”
“Fair enough,” Sarah agreed. “I’ll let her know. Take care, sweetheart.”
After saying goodbye, Jake decided to tidy up a bit. He switched on the vacuum, missing his phone’s persistent buzzing. When he finally noticed the missed calls, he was startled – twenty from an unknown number. He decided to call back and was instantly greeted by an irate woman.
“Jake!” Linda’s voice cut through, skipping any formalities. “Why aren’t you letting us stay? You do realise hotels are pricey?”
“I’ve explained everything to Mum,” Jake’s memories of the abrasive voice pushed him back to the unpleasant event. “I’m living with two others…”
“And what, it’s hard to help family? Just kick them out, and space is yours!” She persisted with her free-stay quest. “Amy’s been dying to see London! We’ve tickets for tomorrow! You better have the place ready, got it?”
“Yeah, right,” Jake chuckled, eager to end this. “Should I roll out a red carpet too? I’ve said my piece, figure it out.”
With that, Jake resumed his cleaning. When Harry and James got back, he recounted the story, and they enjoyed a good laugh.
“Sounds like she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic, ignore it,” James chuckled, twirling his finger by his temple. “I’ve lots of colourful characters like her in my life. Used to it.”
Spending time with his friends, Jake did forgot about the situation. The next morning, feeling chipper, he decided to stay in. Lost in a video game, he was thrown off by a call. It was from Aunt Linda again.
Confused about what more she could want, Jake answered.
“Hello.”
“And where are you?” An exasperated Linda snapped. “We’re here at the station, waiting for you to collect us!”
“Excuse me, collect you?” Jake asked, bewildered, his attention drawn from the screen.
“To the flat, where else?” she barked into the phone. “Are you completely brainless? Forgotten yesterday’s chat?”
Jake was flabbergasted by her gall and yelled back into the phone:
“Or maybe you’re the one without brains? Didn’t grasp the first time that I’m not offering free accommodation? Wanted to see London – enjoy strolling and soaking in the fresh air!”
He abruptly ended the call and blocked her number. This minor nuisance marred his day. He wandered around the flat, avoiding his housemates, pondering:
“Goodness, even my worst enemy doesn’t deserve relatives like these… Thank heavens they don’t know the address…”
Meanwhile, Linda was pestering Sarah, lamenting about her woes:
“Your Jake’s been utterly corrupted by the big city! Family needs help, and nothing! Tell that scoundrel not to expect us to stretch out a helping hand! It won’t happen!”
Sarah Lawrence could only shake her head, listening to her cousin’s complaints.
The End.
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