Harlan Covington

There Will Be No Forgiveness — Have you ever thought about finding your mother? The question caught Vicky so off guard that she flinched. She was laying out papers from work on the kitchen table — the pile looked ready to tumble, and she carefully steadied it with her palm. Now she froze, slowly let her hands drop, and looked up at Alex. There was genuine bewilderment in her eyes: where on earth did he get such an idea? Why on earth would she want to track down the woman who’d carelessly shattered almost her entire life? — Of course not, — Vicky replied, trying to keep her voice flat. — What a ridiculous idea. Why would I ever do that? Alex looked a bit awkward. He ran a hand through his hair, as if struggling to gather his thoughts, and managed a small, slightly forced smile, already seeming to regret his question. — Well… — he hesitated, searching for words. — I just know that lots of kids from foster care or children’s homes dream about tracking down their birth parents. So I thought… If you ever wanted to, I’d help. Really. Vicky shook her head. Her chest tightened as if some unseen hand had gripped her ribs. She took a deep breath, calming an unexpected surge of irritation, and looked at Alex again. — Thank you for offering, but I don’t need that, — she said firmly, raising her voice just a touch. — I will never go looking for her! That woman hasn’t existed for me for years. I’ll never forgive her! Yes, it sounded harsh — but what else could she say? Otherwise she’d have to dredge up too many bad memories and lay her soul bare for her fiancé. No, she loved him, she really did, but there are some things you never want to share, even with those closest to you. So she reached for her paperwork again, adopting a busy air. Alex frowned, but didn’t push it. He was clearly troubled by Vicky’s sharpness. Deep down, he couldn’t grasp her attitude! To him, a mother was an almost sacred figure — whether she’d raised him or not. Simply carrying a child for nine months and bringing it into the world made a woman practically angelic in his eyes. He truly believed in that special, unbreakable bond between mother and child that neither time nor circumstances could destroy. Vicky not only didn’t share those beliefs — she rejected them outright, without the slightest doubt. For her, it was painfully simple: how could you possibly want to meet someone who’d treated you so cruelly? Her so-called “mum” hadn’t just dumped her in care — it was worse, far more painful… Years ago, as a teenager, Vicky had finally asked the question that had tormented her for years. She approached the head of the children’s home, Mrs Thompson — a strict but fair woman all the children respected. — Why am I here? — Vicky asked, quiet but resolute. — Did my mum die? Or did she lose her rights? Something really serious must have happened, right? Mrs Thompson froze in the act of sorting her paperwork, then slowly put the papers aside. She was silent for a few seconds, weighing her words, then sighed and nodded for Vicky to sit. Vicky sat, fingers twisting the edge of the chair. Anxiety was churning inside — she could sense that this answer would change everything. — She was stripped of parental rights and faced prosecution, — Mrs Thompson began slowly and carefully. Calm as ever, but in her eyes, worry: she had to tell a twelve-year-old the plain, ugly truth most would want to shield. She could have softened it, she thought, but no — Vicky had the right to know it all. Better reality than ignorance. She paused to gather her thoughts, then continued. — You came to us when you were four and a half. Some concerned passers-by spotted you — a small child, alone, wandering the streets. Later it turned out a woman had abandoned you on a bench at the train station, then boarded the commuter train and left. It was autumn, cold and damp, and you wore only a light coat and wellies. Several hours outside landed you in hospital. You were really unwell and wound up needing a long stay. Vicky sat stock still, as if turned to stone. Her fingers clenched into fists, but her face stayed blank — only her eyes darkened, like storm clouds. She said nothing, but Mrs Thompson knew the girl was absorbing every brutal word. — Did they find her? What did she say for herself? — Vicky whispered, fists still clenched. — They did, and she stood trial. As for her justification… — Mrs Thompson paused, then gave a bitter half-smile. — She claimed she’d run out of money and found a job — only her new boss banned children onsite. You got in her way. It was at a guest house or somewhere. She decided it was easier just to abandon you and start afresh. Vicky didn’t move. The tension in her fists slowly eased, her hands dropped to her knees. She stared straight ahead, as if seeing nothing — her thoughts far away, in that autumn morning she didn’t even remember. — I see… — she said at last, her voice flat, almost lifeless. Then she looked up at Mrs Thompson. — Thank you for telling me the truth. That was the moment Vicky realised, finally and absolutely: she would never search for her mother. Not ever. The idle curiosity that had sometimes flickered at the back of her mind — the thought that one day she might just want to look her in the eyes and ask “why?” — vanished, never to return. Leaving a child alone in the street. She simply couldn’t grasp it! How could anyone possibly do such a thing? Did the woman who gave birth to her really have no conscience, no compassion? Anything could have happened to a little kid. “That’s not a mother, that’s an animal!” Vicky told herself, the old pain twisting inside her. She tried, honestly tried, to find some excuse. Maybe her mother was desperate. Maybe she really had no options. Maybe she thought Vicky would be better off. But every time her reasoning crumbled on the rocks of cold reality: why not just sign the forms? Why not hand her in safely? Why leave a four-year-old alone in the cold autumn air? No answer fit. None eased the pain or turned betrayal into necessity. She could only see it as what it was — deliberate, heartless rejection. With each turn of these thoughts, her resolve hardened. No. She would not seek this woman. She would not ask questions. She would not try to understand. Because no understanding could erase what had been done. And forgiveness — that was beyond her power. And with that decision came an odd, near-physical relief… ******************** — I’ve got a surprise for you! — Alex was almost glowing with excitement, bouncing on the spot in the hallway as if he’d won the lottery. “You’re going to love this! Come on — we can’t keep someone waiting!” Vicky stopped at the bedroom door, mug of cold tea in hand. She looked at Alex in puzzlement, set the mug down, wariness prickling inside her despite his cheerful tone. What was this surprise? And why did she feel a thread of tension, ready to snap? — Where are we going? — She managed to keep her tone conversational. — You’ll see! – Alex’s grin widened even more; he grabbed her hand and led her toward the front door. — Trust me, it’s worth it. Vicky followed, outwardly calm, anxiety coiling inside as they left for the park. She racked her brain — tickets to a concert? Meeting an old friend? Nothing seemed to fit. As they entered the park, Vicky spotted a middle-aged woman alone on a bench: simple but neat — dark coat, scarf, a small handbag on her knees. Her face seemed vaguely familiar, but Vicky couldn’t place it. A relative of Alex’s? A colleague? Alex strode over to the bench; Vicky trailed, still trying to knit the puzzle pieces. As they approached, the woman looked up, a slight smile on her face. Suddenly, inside, something shifted — Vicky realised where she’d seen this face before. In the mirror. Add thirty or forty years. — Vicky, — Alex’s voice was grand, as if announcing a winner, — I’ve found your mum after all these years. Aren’t you happy? The world froze. How dare he? She had told him so clearly she never wanted to see this woman! — Darling! You’ve grown so beautiful! — The woman jumped up, arms out for an embrace. Her voice shook with emotion, eyes shining as if she genuinely wanted this reunion. But Vicky recoiled, stepping away, cold and unmoving. — It’s me, your mum! — the woman pressed on, ignoring (or not registering) the reception. — I’ve searched for you for so long! I always thought about you, always worried… — It wasn’t easy! — Alex added proudly from behind. — I called in favours, made a dozen calls, tracked down the records… But I did it! His triumph was cut short by a sharp slap. Vicky’s hand flew up with no hesitation, her eyes shining with tears of rage and pain. She glared at him, hurt and bewildered — how could he? After all the times she’d said she wanted nothing to do with her mother, that chapter was forever closed! — Are you mad?! — Alex gasped, clutching his cheek, thoroughly shocked. — I did it for you! I was trying to help, to do something good… Vicky said nothing. Inside, everything seethed with pain and anger. A person she’d trusted had broken the most sacred rule: never touch her past. Her most guarded memories had been laid bare, all for his “good intentions.” The woman looked lost, glancing between Vicky and Alex, uncertain. She tried to speak but stopped as she registered the look on Vicky’s face. — I didn’t ask you to find her, — Vicky managed quietly. Her voice was steady despite trembling inside. — I made it clear I didn’t want this! You still went behind my back! Alex lowered his hand, speechless, searching her face for any sign she’d forgive him, that her anger would fade. He found only steely resolve. — I said I never wanted to even hear about her! — Vicky’s whole body shook. She glared at Alex, eyes betraying not only anger but deep, old pain. — This “mother” abandoned me at four years old! Alone! At a train station! In just a thin coat! You think I can forgive that? Alex went pale but stood his ground. He straightened as if to make his argument unassailable. — She’s still your mum. That’s what matters — she’s your mother! The woman, outnumbered, stepped forward timidly. Her voice was small, apologetic, as though seeking forgiveness she didn’t truly believe she deserved: — You kept getting sick, I had no money for the doctor — I had a chance to earn, at last! I would have collected you, you know? It all could have worked out, we’d be together… Vicky spun on her, not a trace of sympathy — only long-honed bitterness: — Collected me? From a cemetery? — Her words were as cold and sharp as winter wind. — You could have asked social services for help, declared yourself temporarily unfit! Left me in hospital if I was so fragile! But not on the street! Not alone, not in the cold! Alex, desperate to defuse things, tried to take her hand. She pulled away, not even glancing at him. — The past is in the past, we need to live for today, — he insisted, as if convincing himself. — You said you wanted your own family at the wedding. Well, I’ve made your wish come true… Vicky finally looked at him, such disappointment in her gaze that Alex physically recoiled. — I invited Mrs Thompson, the head of the children’s home, and Mrs Lewis, my foster carer, — her voice was quiet now but unshakable. — They are my real mothers! They were there when it hurt! They taught me, supported me, cared. They’re my family. With that, Vicky tore her hand away from Alex and stormed out of the park. Her legs carried her far from that bench, from the conversation, from the man she had trusted more than anyone. There was a storm raging inside, making it hard even to breathe. Such betrayal from her fiancé — she would never have expected it. She hadn’t kept secrets from him. On the contrary: she’d been honest about her childhood, with no sugar-coating. She’d told him about those first days in care, still hoping her mum would come back. Alex had listened, nodded, claimed he understood. He had still gone and found her mother. Still brought her here. “Doesn’t matter, she’s your mother,” his words echoed in her head, stirring up more bitterness. “Never!” Vicky resolved. She would never let that woman into her life, never pretend nothing had happened. She didn’t stop once as she left the park and wandered down the street, barely registering her way. Her mother’s face — older now, fraught with anxious hope — kept flashing up in her mind’s eye. Vicky forced the image away. All she wanted now was to put as much distance as possible between herself and all of this. She didn’t even return to Alex’s place for her things — luckily, she had only a couple of bags there. The proper move-in was set for after the wedding, so most of her things were still in the council flat. That made things easier. Most important was not to go back there now, while the pain was so raw. Her phone buzzed and buzzed — Alex calling, over and over. She stared at the screen, saw his name, and didn’t answer. If she picked up now, she’d probably say things she’d regret. Better to wait out the first wave of hurt. Alex didn’t give up. In addition to calls, a few voice messages came through, his voice edged with irritation: — Vicky, you’re behaving like a child! I tried to do the right thing, and you — you’re just ungrateful! This is just drama, pure drama! A second message, harsher still: — I’ve decided. Linda will be at the wedding. End of. I’m not going to change my mind because of your whims. We’re going to maintain proper family ties. Our children will call her Granny. That’s normal, that’s right! Vicky stood at the bus stop, listening as he ranted, feeling the last strands of her strength fray. She switched off her phone, pocketed it, and looked up at the sky. Her whole world had cracked. She didn’t know how to put it back together. Vicky scrolled through the last messages, still hearing Alex’s unyielding, final words: “Linda will be at the wedding. End of.” That sentence etched itself into her soul. She opened her texts and typed a message, reading it through a few times. A simple line, clear and without ambiguity: “There will be no wedding. I don’t want to see either of you — not you, not her.” She sent it. Watched for the tick to show it had gone through, then put the phone down. Almost instantly her phone lit up — Alex trying to call again. Vicky didn’t move. More messages followed, but she ignored them. Instead, she opened her contacts, found her now ex-fiancé, and blocked his number without hesitation. Silence settled over her like a blanket, bringing a strange sense of relief. Maybe later she’d regret it. Maybe. But for now, it was the only step she could take. She felt the storm inside her give way to weary clarity. It was right. She had no future with someone capable of this… There Will Be No Forgiveness

No Forgiveness Shall Come Have you ever wondered about finding your mother? The question materialised

La vida

04

A Father’s True Son “Len, you won’t believe it! Matvey and I have decided to fly out to Turkey again next year!” My stepfather practically glowed with happiness. “He says he needs that hotel with the sea view again. What can I do? He’s my own son, after all.” It struck me how naturally he clarified—his **own** son. “I’m happy for you,” I replied, remembering how good things used to be before this Matvey appeared, “Your own son… And you always said we’re a family. That it makes no difference, whether real or not.” He did say that. That I was his daughter, and it didn’t matter if we were blood. “There you go again… Come on, Len! You’re my daughter, that’s not up for discussion! You know I love you like my own. But Matvey…” He didn’t even realise he’d just proved my point. “Matvey is a son. And I’m just an acquaintance, I suppose.” “Len, what are you on about? I keep telling you, you’re like a daughter to me!” “Like a daughter… Did you ever take me to the seaside? Not once in all those fifteen years you called yourself my dad?” He hadn’t. Arthur always insisted there was no difference between me and Matvey, but as I listened to how much he did for his son, I realised—the difference was massive. “It just never worked out, Len. You know in the old days, money was tight. You know how expensive two weeks in a five-star hotel are…” he muttered, “Costly, that.” “I understand,” I nodded, “Expense. Too pricey to take me. But Matvey, who you met six months ago, you’re already thinking about taking out a mortgage to buy him a flat, so he has somewhere to bring his wife. That’s a small thing, if it’s your son?” “I’m not buying any flat. Who told you that?” “People talk.” “Well, tell them not to spread nonsense.” A flicker of hope. “Really, you’re not?” “Of course not. Oh, and guess where we’re going on Saturday?” he didn’t wait for me to answer, “Go-karting! Back at uni, Matvey was into racing—me, I’m just tagging along.” “Go-karting,” I repeated, “Sounds exciting.” “Absolutely!” “Can I come with you?” The question slipped out before I could help it. Arthur, desperate to say no, rattled off, “Uh… Len… You’d be bored. Honestly. It’s a lads’ thing. Me and Matvey—we’ll have a father-son chat.” How it hurt… “So… interesting for you, but not for me?” “Not exactly… It’s just, you know, we missed out on a lifetime together. We want to make up for it. Just the two of us. You understand?” Oh, I understood. “You understand” had become the cruellest phrase in our new vocabulary. I was meant to understand that blood mattered more than adoption. I was meant to understand my place was now outside the gate. Matvey was perfect. Raised without a father because his mother never told Arthur about him, yet against all odds, he was good, clever, kind. “Dad, I fixed the cages at the animal shelter.” “Oh, and Dad, you know I graduated with first class honours?” “Dad, look, I fixed your phone.” Not just a son—an ideal son. Later that same day, after Arthur had stopped by before going home, I lingered over old photos… Arthur’s wedding to my mother (she died five years ago, leaving just me and Arthur). Us at the cottage… Me finishing school… Nothing would ever be the same. *** “Len, are you awake? I’ve got a question. Urgent,” my stepfather turned up at eight in the morning. “What’s so urgent?” I pushed back my fringe and started the coffee machine. “About that flat for Matvey.” “So it is true?” I breathed. “Sorry but… yes, it is.” “And you lied to me.” “I just didn’t want to upset you. But I need your advice! I’m thinking we have to move quickly—he might get married any time. Best to get him a place now, you know how I struggled at his age…” “So go for the mortgage,” I snapped, not wanting to talk about Matvey’s perfect set-up. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But you know my credit history… Matvey deserves his dad, who he never had, to help him buy a home.” “And your point?” “Will you help, if I ask?” “Depends how.” “I’ll explain. I’ve got £20,000—that’s enough for a deposit. But the bank won’t give me a loan. They’ll give you one. Your credit’s clean. We can put it in your name, I’ll handle the payments, I promise.” Any illusion that there was “no difference between you” was shattered for good. There was a difference. I wasn’t sending Matvey into the firing line. “So Matvey gets the flat, and I get stuck with the mortgage? That it?” Arthur shook his head, as if hurt by my words. As if it was my idea. “Don’t be like that! I’ll pay… I’m not asking you for money. It just needs to be in your name. Just think about it…” “You know, Arthur, I’m not wondering about the mortgage. I’m wondering how you stopped thinking of me as your daughter. You have a real son now. You’ve known him six months. Me, fifteen years—but it’s only him that matters, because he’s your own.” “That’s not true!” Arthur flared, “I love you both the same!” “No—it’s not the same.” “That’s not fair! But he’s my real…” Curtain. I was no longer his daughter. Just the convenient one; good enough until the genuine article appeared. “Fine,” I tried to be polite. “I can’t, Arthur. I’ll need a flat myself one day. And the bank won’t give me a second loan.” Arthur seemed to only just remember I had nowhere of my own. “Oh, right, you’ll need one too…” he fiddled with his watch. “But right now, until you’re ready to buy, you could help me out. I’ve got £20,000—it’s not much more. Only for a couple years.” “No. I’m not signing anything for you.” I never expected him to understand. “Alright,” he said, “If you can’t help me as a daughter… I’ll just figure something else out.” Whether he’d ever truly considered me his child didn’t matter any more. Now, Arthur was only someone I saw in old pictures. One evening as I scrolled through the feed, I saw it. A photo from the airport. Arthur and Matvey, both wearing pale jackets. Arthur’s hand resting proudly on Matvey’s shoulder. Caption: “Off to Dubai with Dad. Family is everything.” Family. I put the phone aside. Suddenly, I remembered a moment from my early childhood, long before my mum married Arthur. I was about five. We lived modestly, and my favourite doll from Granny broke. I cried, but my own father said, “Len, why are you crying over such nonsense? Don’t interrupt me!” He couldn’t be interrupted. His main interest was the bottle. I guess I never had a dad. I thought Arthur had replaced him… But a while later, Arthur tried again. “Len, I think we need to do something about this trust issue between us…” “What trust issue, Arthur? I told you: no.” “You just don’t get it. Matvey… he never knew me. He was fatherless. I have to fix that. He needs somewhere to live. And it’s not like I need anything much from you, just to have your name on the paperwork—I guarantee you won’t spend a penny.” “Who’ll make up for my missing pieces…” That annoyed him. “Len, enough! I don’t want an argument! I love you, really! But you have to understand… Matvey is my real family. When you have kids, you’ll see. Look, I love you both—just differently. Doesn’t mean I don’t need you.” “You need me—as a resource.” “Len, come on! You’re overreacting.” “You switched to him within six months, Arthur,” I said. “I’m not asking you to choose. The choice is obvious. Matvey is your real one. I never was.” Six months passed. Arthur never called. Not once. Once again scrolling through my news feed, I saw another photo. Arthur and Matvey, this time in the mountains. Arthur in fancy ski gear. The caption: “Teaching Dad to snowboard! He might be a bit old for this, but with your son, anything’s possible.” I stared at the photo for a long time. I reached for my laptop to finish a report when my phone buzzed. Unknown number. “Hi, Lena. It’s Matvey. Dad gave me your number but he can’t call. He wanted me to tell you: he sorted the flat without you, but he’s worried about you. And he hopes you’ll come see us over the bank holiday. He can’t explain, but he really wants you there.” I wrote a reply and rewrote it, over and over. “Hi Matvey. Tell Arthur I’m very glad he’s doing well. I’m thinking of him too. But I’m not coming. I’ve got my own plans for the bank holiday. I’m off to the seaside.” I didn’t say I bought my own ticket, that it wasn’t Turkey but Brighton, and I wasn’t going with a father but a friend. I pressed send. And thought: maybe I can be happy without him.

Dearest Son Ellen, you simply wouldnt believe it! Matthew and I have decided, were off to Spain again

La vida

04

Twelve Years Later: A Mother’s Desperate Plea on National TV to Find Her Estranged Son—But Is She Sincere, or Is There Another Motive Behind Her Tears?

Twelve Years On “Please, Im begging you, help me find my son!” The womans voice wavers on

La vida

05

A Father’s True Son “Len, you won’t believe it! Matvey and I have decided to fly out to Turkey again next year!” My stepfather practically glowed with happiness. “He says he needs that hotel with the sea view again. What can I do? He’s my own son, after all.” It struck me how naturally he clarified—his **own** son. “I’m happy for you,” I replied, remembering how good things used to be before this Matvey appeared, “Your own son… And you always said we’re a family. That it makes no difference, whether real or not.” He did say that. That I was his daughter, and it didn’t matter if we were blood. “There you go again… Come on, Len! You’re my daughter, that’s not up for discussion! You know I love you like my own. But Matvey…” He didn’t even realise he’d just proved my point. “Matvey is a son. And I’m just an acquaintance, I suppose.” “Len, what are you on about? I keep telling you, you’re like a daughter to me!” “Like a daughter… Did you ever take me to the seaside? Not once in all those fifteen years you called yourself my dad?” He hadn’t. Arthur always insisted there was no difference between me and Matvey, but as I listened to how much he did for his son, I realised—the difference was massive. “It just never worked out, Len. You know in the old days, money was tight. You know how expensive two weeks in a five-star hotel are…” he muttered, “Costly, that.” “I understand,” I nodded, “Expense. Too pricey to take me. But Matvey, who you met six months ago, you’re already thinking about taking out a mortgage to buy him a flat, so he has somewhere to bring his wife. That’s a small thing, if it’s your son?” “I’m not buying any flat. Who told you that?” “People talk.” “Well, tell them not to spread nonsense.” A flicker of hope. “Really, you’re not?” “Of course not. Oh, and guess where we’re going on Saturday?” he didn’t wait for me to answer, “Go-karting! Back at uni, Matvey was into racing—me, I’m just tagging along.” “Go-karting,” I repeated, “Sounds exciting.” “Absolutely!” “Can I come with you?” The question slipped out before I could help it. Arthur, desperate to say no, rattled off, “Uh… Len… You’d be bored. Honestly. It’s a lads’ thing. Me and Matvey—we’ll have a father-son chat.” How it hurt… “So… interesting for you, but not for me?” “Not exactly… It’s just, you know, we missed out on a lifetime together. We want to make up for it. Just the two of us. You understand?” Oh, I understood. “You understand” had become the cruellest phrase in our new vocabulary. I was meant to understand that blood mattered more than adoption. I was meant to understand my place was now outside the gate. Matvey was perfect. Raised without a father because his mother never told Arthur about him, yet against all odds, he was good, clever, kind. “Dad, I fixed the cages at the animal shelter.” “Oh, and Dad, you know I graduated with first class honours?” “Dad, look, I fixed your phone.” Not just a son—an ideal son. Later that same day, after Arthur had stopped by before going home, I lingered over old photos… Arthur’s wedding to my mother (she died five years ago, leaving just me and Arthur). Us at the cottage… Me finishing school… Nothing would ever be the same. *** “Len, are you awake? I’ve got a question. Urgent,” my stepfather turned up at eight in the morning. “What’s so urgent?” I pushed back my fringe and started the coffee machine. “About that flat for Matvey.” “So it is true?” I breathed. “Sorry but… yes, it is.” “And you lied to me.” “I just didn’t want to upset you. But I need your advice! I’m thinking we have to move quickly—he might get married any time. Best to get him a place now, you know how I struggled at his age…” “So go for the mortgage,” I snapped, not wanting to talk about Matvey’s perfect set-up. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But you know my credit history… Matvey deserves his dad, who he never had, to help him buy a home.” “And your point?” “Will you help, if I ask?” “Depends how.” “I’ll explain. I’ve got £20,000—that’s enough for a deposit. But the bank won’t give me a loan. They’ll give you one. Your credit’s clean. We can put it in your name, I’ll handle the payments, I promise.” Any illusion that there was “no difference between you” was shattered for good. There was a difference. I wasn’t sending Matvey into the firing line. “So Matvey gets the flat, and I get stuck with the mortgage? That it?” Arthur shook his head, as if hurt by my words. As if it was my idea. “Don’t be like that! I’ll pay… I’m not asking you for money. It just needs to be in your name. Just think about it…” “You know, Arthur, I’m not wondering about the mortgage. I’m wondering how you stopped thinking of me as your daughter. You have a real son now. You’ve known him six months. Me, fifteen years—but it’s only him that matters, because he’s your own.” “That’s not true!” Arthur flared, “I love you both the same!” “No—it’s not the same.” “That’s not fair! But he’s my real…” Curtain. I was no longer his daughter. Just the convenient one; good enough until the genuine article appeared. “Fine,” I tried to be polite. “I can’t, Arthur. I’ll need a flat myself one day. And the bank won’t give me a second loan.” Arthur seemed to only just remember I had nowhere of my own. “Oh, right, you’ll need one too…” he fiddled with his watch. “But right now, until you’re ready to buy, you could help me out. I’ve got £20,000—it’s not much more. Only for a couple years.” “No. I’m not signing anything for you.” I never expected him to understand. “Alright,” he said, “If you can’t help me as a daughter… I’ll just figure something else out.” Whether he’d ever truly considered me his child didn’t matter any more. Now, Arthur was only someone I saw in old pictures. One evening as I scrolled through the feed, I saw it. A photo from the airport. Arthur and Matvey, both wearing pale jackets. Arthur’s hand resting proudly on Matvey’s shoulder. Caption: “Off to Dubai with Dad. Family is everything.” Family. I put the phone aside. Suddenly, I remembered a moment from my early childhood, long before my mum married Arthur. I was about five. We lived modestly, and my favourite doll from Granny broke. I cried, but my own father said, “Len, why are you crying over such nonsense? Don’t interrupt me!” He couldn’t be interrupted. His main interest was the bottle. I guess I never had a dad. I thought Arthur had replaced him… But a while later, Arthur tried again. “Len, I think we need to do something about this trust issue between us…” “What trust issue, Arthur? I told you: no.” “You just don’t get it. Matvey… he never knew me. He was fatherless. I have to fix that. He needs somewhere to live. And it’s not like I need anything much from you, just to have your name on the paperwork—I guarantee you won’t spend a penny.” “Who’ll make up for my missing pieces…” That annoyed him. “Len, enough! I don’t want an argument! I love you, really! But you have to understand… Matvey is my real family. When you have kids, you’ll see. Look, I love you both—just differently. Doesn’t mean I don’t need you.” “You need me—as a resource.” “Len, come on! You’re overreacting.” “You switched to him within six months, Arthur,” I said. “I’m not asking you to choose. The choice is obvious. Matvey is your real one. I never was.” Six months passed. Arthur never called. Not once. Once again scrolling through my news feed, I saw another photo. Arthur and Matvey, this time in the mountains. Arthur in fancy ski gear. The caption: “Teaching Dad to snowboard! He might be a bit old for this, but with your son, anything’s possible.” I stared at the photo for a long time. I reached for my laptop to finish a report when my phone buzzed. Unknown number. “Hi, Lena. It’s Matvey. Dad gave me your number but he can’t call. He wanted me to tell you: he sorted the flat without you, but he’s worried about you. And he hopes you’ll come see us over the bank holiday. He can’t explain, but he really wants you there.” I wrote a reply and rewrote it, over and over. “Hi Matvey. Tell Arthur I’m very glad he’s doing well. I’m thinking of him too. But I’m not coming. I’ve got my own plans for the bank holiday. I’m off to the seaside.” I didn’t say I bought my own ticket, that it wasn’t Turkey but Brighton, and I wasn’t going with a father but a friend. I pressed send. And thought: maybe I can be happy without him.

Dearest Son Ellen, you simply wouldnt believe it! Matthew and I have decided, were off to Spain again

La vida

011

There Won’t Be a Wedding “Why are you so quiet today?” Tanya asked. “We agreed: on Saturday we’d go pick out bedroom furniture. But you seem sad. What’s wrong?” Denis knew: it’s now or never. He had to say it now. “Tanya… There’s something I wanted to talk about. About the wedding.” Tanya had waited a long time for this conversation. She and Denis agreed the celebration would be simple, but she saw Denis wanted to give her a real wedding—lots of guests, photos, organisers… She’d been waiting for this talk! “No long preambles, please. I think I know what you’re about to say,” Tanya smiled. But Denis said: “Let’s postpone… Let’s postpone the wedding.” This wasn’t the conversation she’d been preparing for. “Postpone?” She was stunned. “Where’s this coming from? Why? We were just talking about sending invitations… You chose them yourself… We were deciding who to invite! Have you changed your mind about marrying me?” Like some melodrama, he’d say his feelings had faded. But Denis didn’t stick to the script. “It’s just… money’s tight just now,” he mumbled. “My salary’s delayed. We’re not managing to save. And… We’ve only lived together for six months. Isn’t that a bit soon?” “A bit soon?” Tanya spluttered. “Denis, we’ve been together three years! Three years dating and six months living together is ‘a bit soon’ for you?” Denis didn’t look frightened anymore. “Don’t start, Tanya. I don’t want an argument. It’s just… a break. I haven’t changed my mind, but a wedding’s expensive.” “Fine… Let’s just sign at the registry and celebrate with friends afterward.” “Tanya, then it won’t be a real wedding.” “Oh, so be it!” “But it was your dream…” “I’ll get over it!” He’s grasping at straws, she thought. “Tanya…” “Be honest. Has something happened? Are you not sure you love me? Or… have you met someone else? Because ‘it’s too expensive’ is not very convincing.” Denis shook his head. “No, Tanya, I swear. I just want everything to be perfect for us. Right now, I can’t give you the perfect wedding. And yes, six months… We’re still not quite used to each other yet. We need to figure out if we fit…” There was logic in his words… He sounded convincing, but Tanya’s instincts screamed. Rarely had Denis tried so hard to convince her of something. And he’d been the one who insisted they marry sooner. But she pretended to believe him. After, Denis became not just a boyfriend, but the perfect boyfriend, paying attention to little things he’d always missed before, as if making up for the canceled wedding. He’d ask what she wanted in shops… always washed up after meals himself… But he was sullen. Not just thoughtful, truly sullen, sighing at night staring at the ceiling, batting away Tanya’s questions with, “Just tired, that’s all.” Tanya tried not to press. “Later, later, later,” whispered her inner voice. A couple of weeks later, they were invited to Denis’ parents’ house. Tanya resisted for ages. She just didn’t want to go. And Denis hadn’t said a word about the wedding, but surely his parents would—awkward. But they ended up going. Of course, the wedding came up. “So, when will you finally make us happy?” his mum asked after his dad left for the TV. “We’ve already picked a banquet hall—table for twenty. What day should I book?” Denis looked just as sour as Tanya. What to book? There’d be no wedding. “Mum, we talked about this. We’ve postponed it,” he rasped. “Postponed? Why’s that? No money? Denis, why didn’t you think ahead?” After dinner, while the men inspected the never-fixed radio, Tanya went to the bathroom to tidy up. Spotless, like an operating theatre. No dust, nothing but shower gel and shampoo—his mum kept everything else in her room. Tanya always marvelled at that: how could she be bothered to carry it all in each time? Tanya dried her face and listened… The bathroom walls carried sound, especially secrets. Denis had returned to the kitchen and was talking to his mum. Tanya heard… “…Denis, are you planning to break it off with Tanya?” Tanya froze, towel to her chin. What? She didn’t pretend it was imagination. She pressed her ear gently to the tile so as not to make a sound. “Mum, I told you. We’ve postponed, but haven’t broken up.” “Postponed is an excuse!” hissed Galina Sergeyevna. “I see how you suffer. Why do you need her? She’s not wife material. A wife should obey her husband, but this one… Why marry if you’ll just divorce in a year?” “I love her, Mum,” Denis said. Tanya almost melted. But his mum’s next words chased away any sentimentality. “You love her? She’s a sly one, Denis. I told you! She’s turning you against us already, and you’re not even married yet. You’ve stopped helping your sister, you’ve stopped visiting the dacha… She’s changing you, and not for the better.” Tanya was glued to the wall, ear to the cold tile. Turning him against them? When? She’d always been as polite as possible to his parents, even when Anatoly Petrovich trashed her new haircut. It hurt, but she kept quiet! She couldn’t remember once purposefully turning Denis against them. If anything, she always encouraged him to keep close—they were important to him. And then it dawned on her: the postponement wasn’t about money. It was his dear mother, lying to her face, who was against the wedding! Tanya hurried back to the kitchen. “Oh, Tanya’s out! We were just saying, it’s best not to delay the registry. Youth is lovely, but I don’t approve of life without a marriage certificate.” How sweet of her. “Absolutely, Mrs Wilson,” Tanya replied. “We won’t wait too much longer. Once we save up, straight to the registry, isn’t that right, Denis?” “Yes, Tanya, you can say we’re practically married,” he agreed. That night, driving home, Denis tried to put his arm around her, but Tanya kept edging away. She didn’t know how to start the conversation. Should she even ask? If Denis hadn’t left her for his parents’ sake, then he must love her… But he’d still cancelled the wedding. “You acted strange when your mum started talking,” she said, watching the city lights disappear behind them. “Me? No, she’s just pushing for a wedding and…” “Don’t lie. She’s not pushing for a wedding. She’s firmly against it. She said I’ve turned you against her. And wants us to break up.” Denis nervously jerked the steering wheel. “So you heard? Tanya, Mum’s just scared her boy will get married and forget her. Classic. Don’t let it get to you. She’ll calm down.” Tanya wasn’t much hurt by a mother who couldn’t let go of her son. What hurt was Denis himself. He hadn’t defended her—just agreed with his mother to avoid conflict. The wedding question left unsolved, Denis stayed as sour as ever, but now, when Tanya hinted at the future, he always answered: “Maybe later…” Then Tanya happened upon Denis’ unlocked phone. “I’m just checking the time,” she told herself. “I won’t read messages. Just take a peek…” The last notification was from his sister Vera. Vera was just two years younger than Tanya, but acted like she was twelve. No work, no uni, living with the parents, entirely at their expense. The message was no riddle: “I get it, I’ll never see that money. She’s got you under the thumb again. Live with her, if some girl is more important than family.” Tanya reread it. “Under the thumb again.” And suddenly, she remembered… Before the cancelled wedding, Vera had phoned Denis begging for money yet again, and Tanya, unable to hold back, had said: “Denis, she’s twenty-seven, still living off your parents, and now wants your money for fun? Maybe she should get a job? Our budget isn’t bottomless.” She’d not have interfered, but she earned as much as Denis and hadn’t agreed to support his family. Denis had reluctantly agreed then—”yes, you’re right, Tanya. It’s time to stop.” Now it was clear who was turning the family against her. She picked up Denis’ phone, copied the chat with Vera, and sent it to her own number. Then set the phone precisely where it had been. Just then, Denis brushed snow off in the hallway. “Got the milk, and your favourite chocolate. I was thinking, maybe we should…” “Denis,” Tanya interrupted. “Well Denis, who else were you expecting?” he joked. Tanya didn’t laugh. “What’s Vera texting you?” she asked. Denis knew to strike first if caught, so he feigned outrage: “You’ve been snooping on my phone!?” Classic defence—shift the blame. “Doesn’t matter what I did, Denis. I want you to explain. Now.” He stood there for a few seconds, his face cycling from anger to panic. “Look, Tanya, don’t take it seriously. She’s just a baby, gets upset at everything.” “Upset at what? Because I asked her to grow up?” Tanya pressed. “She’s used to being able to ask brother for money, that’s all. It’s hard to give up free money. Just forget about it.” “She turned your parents against me?” “Well… yeah,” Denis admitted. “I tried to explain, our money’s ours, Vera should stand on her own… Mum flipped out—said you’d turned me into a doormat, that I’ve abandoned family for you! But I don’t really think that…” “But you cancelled the wedding… Well. She set your family against me. Got it. I can’t deal with them. So what do you actually want? Do you want to marry me? Or are you just putting it off because you can’t say ‘no’ to your mother?” “Of course I want to marry you! Just… not yet. Maybe… later… once things calm down…” So there was her answer. “You know what, Denis—I’ve realised something. I don’t want to marry someone who isn’t sure of their feelings, who flinches every time his sister sneezes. It’s a good thing the wedding’s off.”

No Wedding After All Saturday, 10th February I suppose today I should write down whats happenedmaybe

La vida

03

Shameless Audacity — Come on, Natalie, just be honest, — Nick whined, — What’s the big universal difference who we rent the house out to? Family or strangers? The money is the same. Natalie finished hanging the laundry out to dry. Instead of complaining, he could have helped. — Nick, darling, — she replied, — The difference is, you’ll never get the money out of relatives in the end. — You mean Dave? — he winced, — Dave’s my brother! He’ll pay, I promise. He’s not even asking for a discount. He wants the house at full price! For the whole summer. And we won’t have to find tenants ourselves. — Nick, it’s a house by the seaside. I can get tenants in five minutes. — Explain to me why it’s so important to rent to strangers, not family? — With strangers it’s easy: contract, deposit, if they don’t pay they’re out and that’s the end of it. With family it’s all, “Oh Natalie, you understand, we’ve got kids.” “We’ll transfer the money a bit later.” “We broke your telly, but you’re not going to charge us, are you?” Trust me, I’ve seen it a hundred times. You don’t know how it all ends. The seaside house had come to Natalie from her parents, who also rented it out. They lived in Brighton, and the place by the sea was a welcome boost to the salary. Natalie did the same—but with one condition: no friends, no relatives. She’d seen too many of these “mates” leave her parents out of pocket. — And how did it end? — her husband asked. — With relatives never paying up and not even apologising! As if we should be grateful to host them. No way. The house is a business, Nick. Not a free holiday home for your family. Dave had recently decided that three months by the sea was just what the doctor ordered for his wife and three kids. Summer was a quiet time for his work—might as well enjoy life. And Natalie was convinced Dave wasn’t actually planning to pay. — Dave isn’t asking for a freebie! — Nick protested, — He’ll pay. They always promise they’ll pay at first. — Why bother with this? There’s always a queue of people happy to pay market price. They’ll sign a contract, pay upfront, and I’ll sleep easy. No relatives. No friends. Business is business. Nick knew how hard it was to argue with Natalie’s pragmatism, but he also knew how to persuade her. — Fine. So you don’t trust Dave. But you trust me, right? Natalie was waiting for the twist. — I do, so what? — I’ll cover the rent myself if Dave tries to short us! — Nick blurted out, playing the hero. It was a feeble argument. — Brilliant idea. You’ll pay me from our joint bank account. — Well… if you put it like that… I’ll get an extra job. In the evenings, weekends… Anything I make will be just for you. Not our money, just yours. Deal? Natalie hadn’t realised this was that important to Nick. Maybe if he trusted his brother that much, she ought to trust him… — You could talk your way out of anything, — she said at last, — But all the responsibility is on you. Fine. Summer was still a long way off, giving Natalie time to calm down and even start believing him. June came. And with it, problems. Nick called Dave every few days with a polite reminder that he ought to pay at least a month upfront, and got the same reassuring answer. — Yeah, Nick, it’s all good! The money? I’m just waiting for a big client to pay me, should be by the end of the month. Soon as it comes through, you’ll have it. Sorry for the delay, mate. Late June arrived. The money didn’t. Natalie tolerated it for a month; didn’t ask, didn’t nag. Nick had asked her to trust him—so she had. But after yet another let-down from Dave, she finally asked: — Well? Has he paid? — He’s still waiting on a big client. As soon as they pay, so will he—promised! Same excuse all month. She bit back an “I told you so.” — This is what I was talking about! Relatives always have the most important reasons for delaying payment. — Nat, that’s just bad luck! He’s not doing it on purpose! I know it looks bad, but it’s a coincidence. We just have to wait. — Sure, let’s wait till September, until they pack their bags and thank us for a lovely stay, promising to sort it out later? — Listen, you’re not losing anything. I’ll get a job. — Oh, *now*? Really? Nick wilted instantly. — Give him a couple more weeks. If he still hasn’t paid, then… I’ll pay you myself, if it means that much. — I didn’t make you promise! You insisted on being the hero. So do it. The mood at home changed; Nick was suddenly withdrawn. July. Sweltering heat. And every evening Natalie caught Nick checking jobs online—never actually calling, though. — Nick, you realise it’s the 30th? Two-thirds of summer gone, and we have nothing—zero—of the rent, — she prodded. — Still nothing from Dave… but… — “Soon as, so soon as.” Right. — He’ll pay! He even said he’d give us a little extra for the trouble. — I don’t believe it. You guaranteed him. You said: “I’ll pay.” So you pay. Where’s the extra job? Clearly, he had lost all enthusiasm for his own grand proposal. Promising is easier than doing. — I’ll find something. But the jobs aren’t great… I mean, I can’t be lifting boxes with my back. — Then maybe your brother should be lifting boxes. You promised! Either get a job now, or I’ll call Dave myself and tell him if I don’t get half the money by Friday, I’ll evict him and take him to court. Nick broke out in a cold sweat. — Don’t ring Dave! Or go to court! What will Mum say? My family will never forgive me! Dave didn’t want to pay, Nick didn’t want to keep his word, Nick didn’t want to take his brother to court, and suddenly—it was all Natalie’s fault. — So much for loving me! You don’t care if I have to work myself into the ground just to pay you, my own wife, back. — I didn’t put these words in your mouth, Nick! You insisted! — How was I supposed to know Dave would do us over? — I did! I’ve seen it happen, over and over. You didn’t listen. — I get it! — Nick started acting the martyr, — But you’re unfeeling, Nat! Making me pay you back out of my own health. What if I have a heart attack? That wouldn’t matter to you, so long as you get your money… — I’m not forcing you! I’m asking you to stick to *your* deal. — Fine! — Nick yelled, — I’ll get a second job and pay for Dave. If money means more to you than me! His deal had fallen apart, but Natalie had, begrudgingly, won: he started working as a courier in the evenings, and gave her cold looks when he got home. — It’s all your fault, — he muttered. — Mine? — Yes! — Maybe now you’ll understand. Easy to be generous with my money—harder when it’s your own lesson. Natalie still hoped Dave would, at the last minute, miraculously pay up. And just as she thought it, Dave himself rang—called her, not Nick. Could she really have been wrong? Was he about to pay? — Nat, I need a favour… — Dave, I haven’t got time. You’re already behind on July’s rent, and now August is due. It’s Nick’s problem—he vouched for you. — Yeah, Nick told me! Poor bloke. But look, my car broke while we were here, I spent everything on repairs. I’ve got to get the family home somehow, rent will have to wait. We’ll sort it out later… Of course. Natalie hung up. Nick, seeing her face, understood. — Okay, — he admitted, — I was wrong to trust him so much. But you—won’t even let me make a mistake! Instead of supporting me, you pile on… — Should I have smiled sweetly and said: “Never mind, Nick, let your family stay for free, I’ll just cope”? You made the promise. — Yes, I did! — he grumbled, — But I didn’t expect you to agree so easily that I should sacrifice my health for money. Do you even care about me? — Does your brother care about you? — He’s not a bad guy, he just— — Right. So he does us over and puts it all on you, and I’m the villain for wanting what’s owed? Nick faltered. Looks like there are rough times ahead in this marriage.

Boundless Cheek Come on, Sarah, just be honest with me, whined Nick, plopping onto the sofa.

La vida

07

“Go Home This Instant! I’ll Speak to You There!” snapped Max, Not Wanting to Cause a Scene in Public—But When a Stranger Started Asking Oddly Specific Questions About His Wife, the Real Reason She’d Fled Her Past Finally Came Out…and So Did Her Secret Kickboxing Skills, Right as Max’s Family Tried to “Teach Her a Lesson” at Home!

Go home! Well talk there! barked Thomas, frowning. Ive no desire to entertain the neighbours with a scene!

La vida

026

“Go Home This Instant! I’ll Speak to You There!” snapped Max, Not Wanting to Cause a Scene in Public—But When a Stranger Started Asking Oddly Specific Questions About His Wife, the Real Reason She’d Fled Her Past Finally Came Out…and So Did Her Secret Kickboxing Skills, Right as Max’s Family Tried to “Teach Her a Lesson” at Home!

Go home! Well talk there! barked Thomas, frowning. Ive no desire to entertain the neighbours with a scene!

La vida

05

A Mother’s Heart: The Comfort of Home, the Weight of Worry, and the Unbreakable Bond Between Mother and Son

A Mothers Heart Stuart found himself at the kitchen table, seated in his usual spot. Before him was a

La vida

06

Alex, Have You Lost Your Mind? After 15 Years of Marriage, He Leaves Me for a 20-Year-Old—But at His Wedding, He Learns My New Boyfriend Is Actually His Bride’s Father!

Simon, I honestly dont understand you. Have you gone absolutely barmy? What on earth do you mean, Im off?