Walton Merritt

A Stranger at the Door Ever since school, Alan had been hopelessly in love with Jane. He wrote her secret notes and tried every trick to get her attention. But Jane only had eyes for Daniel—the tall, blonde volleyball star on her team. Awkward Alan, who struggled in class, didn’t even register on her radar. Soon, Daniel started dating Helen, a girl from the next class over. After graduation, Alan made another attempt to win Jane’s heart. He even proposed at the prom… But Jane flatly refused—“No!”—not even considering him as a suitor. After university, Jane took a job as an accountant. Her boss was a handsome, dark-haired man, ten years her senior. Jane admired his professionalism, his striking looks, and his intelligence. Feelings blossomed between them, and Jane didn’t mind that her beloved was married with a young son. Valentine assured her again and again that he would leave his wife, swearing he loved only Jane. Years passed, and Jane became used to spending holidays and weekends alone, always believing that someday, her love would finally be free. But one day, she saw Valentine with his pregnant wife at a shop. He was tenderly holding her hand, carrying the bags, before all three left for their car. Jane watched with tears in her eyes. The very next day, she resigned… New Year’s was approaching, but Jane had no interest in buying groceries, decorating the house, or celebrating. Then, one day she came home to find it freezing—the boiler had stopped working. Jane lived in a detached house. She tried finding a repairman, but everyone wanted extra money to travel out to the suburbs, especially so close to New Year’s. Feeling hopeless, Jane called her friend. Her husband worked in plumbing and might be able to help. Larissa promised to call him straight away. Two hours later, someone rang the doorbell. A stranger stood on the doorstep—but as Jane looked closer, she recognised Alan, her childhood classmate. “Hey Jane, what’s gone wrong here?” “How did you know?” “My boss called—said someone at this address was freezing. Did you drain the water so the pipes didn’t burst?” “No, I have no idea how.” He laughed. “You could lose your heating for good like that. Good thing it’s not a deep freeze outside.” Alan quickly drained the system, fiddled with the boiler, and drove off. Within an hour, he was back with the right parts. Soon Jane’s house was warm again. After cleaning up, Alan asked: “Jane, your tap leaks and the lightbulb’s flickering… can’t your husband fix it?” “I don’t have a husband…” “Really? Still waiting for Mr Right?” “Hardly… there’s no one,” Jane confessed. “Then why’d you say no to me?” Alan grinned. She didn’t answer. After fixing the tap and changing the bulb, Alan left for home. Jane found herself remembering her childhood—the chubby boy who’d loved her all those years ago. Alan had changed a lot, grown tall and lean with warm brown eyes, but his smile was just the same. She hadn’t even thought to ask if he was married. Then, on December 31st, someone rang the door again. Jane was surprised—she wasn’t expecting any guests. Standing there was Alan, wearing a new suit and holding a bouquet of flowers. “Jane! Let me ask you again. Will you marry me, or are you going to wait for Prince Charming till you’re a pensioner?” Jane wept tears of joy and nodded. The second time around, she finally said “yes”…

There was a stranger standing on my doorstep. Ever since we were in secondary school, Daniel had been

La vida

03

Ashamed to Take You to the Banquet – Denis Barely Looked Up from His Phone. – Normal People Will Be There. Twelve Years of Marriage, Two Kids, and Now He’s Embarrassed. — I’ll Wear the Black Dress. The One You Bought Me. — It’s Not About the Dress, – He Finally Looked at Her. – It’s You. You’ve Let Yourself Go. Hair, Face… You Just Aren’t the Same. Vadim and His Wife Will Be There – She’s a Stylist. You Get It. — Then I Won’t Go. — Smart Choice. I’ll Say You’ve Got a Temperature. He Headed for the Shower, Leaving Nadia Still Standing in the Kitchen. Kids Sleeping Next Door, Bills, Mortgage, School Meetings. She’d Disappeared Into This Life, and Now Her Husband Was Ashamed of Her. ‘Has He Completely Lost It?’ – Her Friend Helen the Hairdresser Looked at Nadia Like She’d Announced the End of the World. ‘Ashamed to Take His Wife to a Banquet? Who Does He Think He Is?’ ‘Warehouse Manager. Got a Promotion.’ ‘Now His Wife’s Not Good Enough?’ Helen Slammed the Kettle On. – ‘Remember What You Did Before the Kids?’ ‘I Was a Teacher.’ ‘Not Work – I Mean Your Beaded Jewellery. I Still Have the Blue Stone Necklace. People Always Ask About It.’ Nadia Remembered. Jewellery on Evenings, Back When Denis Still Noticed Her. ‘That Was Ages Ago.’ ‘If You Did It Before, You Can Again. When’s the Banquet?’ ‘Saturday.’ ‘Perfect. Tomorrow Come See Me – I’ll Do Your Hair and Makeup. We’ll Call Olivia – She Has Dresses. Get Out Your Jewellery.’ ‘But He Said—’ ‘Forget What He Said. You’re Going. He’ll Be Shaking in His Boots.’ Olivia Brought a Plum Dress with Bare Shoulders. They Spent Ages Fitting It. ‘You’ll Need Special Jewellery with This Colour,’ Olivia Spun Around. ‘No Silver, No Gold.’ Nadia Opened an Old Box. There It Was – a Handmade Necklace and Earrings in Blue Goldstone, Created Years Ago for an Occasion That Never Happened. ‘This Is a Masterpiece,’ Olivia Whispered. ‘You Did This?’ ‘I Did.’ Helen Styled Loose Waves and Simple, Elegant Makeup. Nadia Dressed, Fastened Her Jewellery, and Felt the Stones on Her Neck – Cool and Significant. ‘Go Look,’ Olivia Nudged Her. Nadia Saw Not the Woman of Twelve Years Doing Floors and Soups – But Herself. The Woman She’d Been. At the Riverside Restaurant, Late As Intended, Conversations Fell Silent. Denis by the Bar Laughed—until He Saw Her. His Face Froze. She Walked Past and Sat at the Far Table, Back Straight, Hands Calm in Her Lap. ‘Excuse Me, Is This Seat Taken?’ A Man in His Mid-Forties, Grey Suit, Intelligent Eyes. ‘It’s Free.’ ‘Owen. Partner of Vadim in Bakeries. And You?’ ‘Nadia. Warehouse Manager’s Wife.’ He Looked from Her Face to Her Jewellery. ‘Goldstone? Handmade, Surely. My Mother Collected Stones – Rare Piece.’ ‘I Made It.’ ‘Really?’ Owen Leaned Closer. ‘That’s Quality. Do You Sell Them?’ ‘No. I’m…a Housewife.’ ‘Strange. With Hands Like That, You’re Wasted at Home.’ He Spent the Evening with Her – Talking Stones, Creativity, and Losing Ourselves in Daily Routines. Dancing, Sparkling Drinks, Laughter. Nadia Noticed Denis Watching from Across the Room, Face Darkening. As She Left, Owen Walked Her to the Car. ‘If You Ever Get Back to Jewellery-Making – Call Me,’ Handing Over His Card. ‘I Know People Who Value Work Like Yours.’ At Home, Denis Lasted Five Minutes. ‘What Did You Think You Were Doing? The Whole Evening with Owen! Everyone Noticed. My Wife Throwing Herself at Another Man!’ ‘I Wasn’t Throwing. I Was Talking.’ ‘Talking! You Danced Three Times! Vadim Asked What Was Going On. I Was So Ashamed!’ ‘You’re Always Ashamed,’ Nadia Kicked off Her Shoes. ‘Ashamed to Take Me Out, Ashamed When People Look at Me. What Are You Never Ashamed Of?’ ‘Shut Up! You Think Throwing on a Dress Makes You Someone? You’re Nothing. A Housewife on My Wages, Pretending to Be a Princess.’ Once, She’d Have Cried. Gone to Bed. But Something Snapped, or Slotted Into Place. ‘Weak Men Fear Strong Women,’ She Said Quietly. ‘You’re Insecure, Denis. Scared I’ll See How Small You Are.’ ‘Get Out.’ ‘I’m Filing for Divorce.’ He Was Silent. For the First Time, His Eyes Held Confusion, Not Anger. ‘Where Will You Go with Two Kids? You Can’t Live on Beads.’ ‘I’ll Manage.’ In the Morning, She Rang Owen. He Didn’t Rush. They Met in Cafés, Discussing Business. He Knew a Gallery Owner. People Wanted Real Handcrafted Pieces. ‘You’re Talented, Nadia. Talent and Taste Are Rare.’ She Worked Nights. Goldstone, Jasper, Carnelian. Owen Took Her Pieces to the Gallery – They Sold Out. Orders Kept Coming. ‘Does Denis Know?’ ‘He Barely Speaks to Me.’ ‘And the Divorce?’ ‘Found a Lawyer. It’s Moving Forward.’ Owen Helped Quietly. Gave Contacts. Helped Her Find a Flat. When Nadia Packed Her Bags, Denis Laughed at the Door. ‘You’ll Be Back in a Week – Begging.’ She Closed the Case and Walked Out. Six Months. Two Bedrooms on the Edge of Town, Kids, Work. Gallery Offered Her an Exhibition. Nadia Started a Social Media Page for Her Designs – Followers Grew. Owen Visited, Brought Books for the Kids, Checked In. Gently, Never Pushing. ‘Mum, Do You Like Him?’ Svetlana Asked One Night. ‘I Do.’ ‘We Like Him Too. He Doesn’t Shout.’ A Year Later, Owen Proposed. No Big Kneeling, No Roses – Just over Dinner. ‘I Want the Three of You to Be with Me.’ Nadia Was Ready. Two Years Passed. Denis, Now a Labourer After Vadim Sacked Him for How He’d Treated Nadia, Walked the Shopping Center in a Worn Jacket, Burdened by Debt and Loneliness. He Saw Them Outside a Jewellery Store – Nadia in a Pale Coat, Hair Styled, Blue Goldstone at Her Neck. Owen Held Her Hand. The Kids Laughed. Denis Watched as They Got Into Their Car—Owen Opened Nadia’s Door. She Smiled. Then Denis Looked at His Own Reflection—Grey Face, Empty Eyes. He Had Lost a Queen. And She’d Learned to Live Without Him. That Was His Greatest Punishment: Realising Too Late What He’d Had… Thank you, dear readers, for your thoughtful comments and likes!

Im embarrassed to take you to the dinner, Simon muttered, eyes fixed on his phone. Therell be people there.

La vida

02

The Hardest Part of Living with a Puppy Isn’t What Most People Think: It’s Not the Rainy Walks, the Cold Mornings, or Giving Up Plans—It’s Realising One Day He Can’t Chase After You Like Before, and Knowing That While You Were His Whole World, You’re Never Ready to Say Goodbye

The hardest part of living with a puppy isnt what most people assume. Its not about walking them when

La vida

00

A Husband’s Surprising Decision: When Irina’s Mother Can No Longer Live Alone, Family Loyalties and Sisterly Arguments Lead to an Unexpected Move to the Countryside

Never Expected This from My Husband Hannah, we really need to do something I sighed into the phone. Whats happened?

La vida

018

My Husband’s Family Forgot My Milestone Birthday, So I Had the Perfect British Response

Why havent I heard a peep from anyone this evening? Maybe theres a problem with the signal?

La vida

09

Two Columns She had already kicked off her boots and set the kettle boiling when a message from her manager pinged: “Could you cover for Claire tomorrow? She’s got a fever and there’s nobody else.” Her hands were still wet from doing the dishes, and she smeared the screen trying to unlock the phone. She dried her palms on a tea towel and glanced at her calendar. Tomorrow was the only evening she’d planned to turn in early, ignore her phone, and prepare for the report due in the morning—as it was, her head was buzzing. She typed, “Sorry, I can’t, I’ve got…” then stopped. That familiar nausea rose: if you say no, you’re letting people down. That means you’re not kind, not dependable. She deleted it and wrote instead: “Yes, I’ll come in.” Sent. The kettle rumbled. She poured her mug, pulled up a stool at the window, and opened a note on her phone she simply called “The Good List”. It already had today’s entry: “Covered Claire’s shift.” She put a full stop and added a little plus sign at the end, as though this balanced something out. That note had lived with her for almost a year. She’d started it in January, when the post-Christmas lull felt especially bleak and she needed proof her days weren’t evaporating unnoticed. The first line read: “Gave Mrs. Baker a lift to the surgery.” Mrs. Baker from the fifth floor shuffled along with her medical bag, too nervous to trust the bus. “You’re driving, aren’t you? Do me a favour, I’ll never make it otherwise,” she’d said through the intercom. So she dropped her off, waited in the car while tests were done, and took her home again. On the way back, she’d caught herself feeling annoyed—late for work, her mind crowded with other people’s complaints. The irritation made her feel guilty. She bit it back and washed it down with a coffee at the petrol station. In the note, she wrote it down neatly, as if it had been pure kindness, untainted. In February, her son’s business trip meant she had her grandson for the weekend. “You’re home anyway, it’s no trouble for you,” he said—it wasn’t a request but a fact. Her grandson was lovely and lively, with endless “can you look”, “let’s play”. She loved him, but by evening her hands shook with fatigue, her head rang like after leaving a concert. She put him to bed, washed the dishes, gathered up the toys—he knocked them out again the next morning. On Sunday, when her son returned, she said, “I’m exhausted.” He grinned, as if it was a joke: “You’re Grandma, that’s what you do.” He kissed her cheek. In the note she added: “Looked after grandson for two days.” She put a little heart to make it feel less like mere obligation. In March, her cousin phoned and asked to borrow money until payday. “It’s for medicine, you get it,” she pleaded. She did get it. She transferred the money, didn’t ask when it’d be paid back, then sat in her kitchen, figuring out how to make it to next payday and gave up on the new coat she’d wanted for months. The coat wasn’t a luxury—the old one was just worn thin at the elbows now. Her note said: “Helped my cousin out.” She didn’t write, “Put off buying something for myself.” That felt trivial, unworthy of recording. In April at work, one of the younger girls, eyes puffy and red, got stuck in the loo and couldn’t come out. She was crying softly that someone had left her and she felt disposable. She knocked and said, “Open up, I’m here.” Then they sat together on the freshly painted stairwell as dusk fell, and she listened, nodding while the girl repeated herself again and again. She missed her physio class for her bad back but stayed until it was dark. At home, her back ached. She wanted to be angry with the girl, but really, she was angry at herself: Why can’t you ever say you need to leave? In her phone, she added: “Listened to Katie, supported her.” She put her name because it felt more personal. Again, she didn’t write, “Skipped something for myself.” In June, she gave a colleague a lift to her allotment since her car had broken down. The colleague spent the drive arguing with her husband on speakerphone and never once asked if it was convenient. She said nothing, just watched the summer traffic. At the allotment, the colleague hefted out her shopping and said, “Thanks, I knew you wouldn’t mind—it’s on your way anyway.” It wasn’t. She battled traffic back, got home later than promised, and didn’t have time to check in on her mum—who was then upset. Her note that night read: “Gave Tania a lift to her allotment.” “On your way” seemed to sting, and she stared at the screen for a long time, waiting for it to dim. In August the phone rang late—her mum. Her voice was small, jittery: “I don’t feel well, love. My blood pressure. I’m scared.” She jumped up, grabbed her coat, called a taxi, and shot across the sleeping city. In the flat, it was stuffy. Blood pressure monitor on the table, tablets scattered. She checked her readings, handed out medicine, sat till her mum nodded off. In the morning she went straight to work, skipping her own home. In the Tube, she kept nearly dozing off, afraid of missing her stop. That day, in her note, she added: “Stayed overnight with Mum.” She started to add an exclamation mark, but deleted it—too loud, too much. By autumn the list had grown long, an endless scroll. The longer it got, the more she started to suspect she wasn’t living so much as submitting a report, collecting receipts of goodness in case anyone ever asked: “What do you even do?” She tried recalling the last time she’d added something just for herself. Not “for herself,” but “because of herself.” The entries were all about other people: their pain, their errands, their plans. Her own wishes seemed like silly whims to be hidden. In October something happened—not dramatic, just enough to leave a scratch. She took her son some documents he’d asked to have printed. She stood in the hallway holding the folder as he hunted for his keys and spoke into his phone. Her grandson zoomed around, demanding cartoons. Her son covered the receiver and tossed over his shoulder, “Mum, since you’re here, can you pop to the shops for bread and milk? I won’t have time.” She said, “I’m actually tired too.” He didn’t even look at her, just shrugged: “But you can, can’t you? You always can.” He went back to his call. Those words felt like a stamp. Not a request, a given. Something hot rose inside her—along with shame. Shame for wanting to refuse, for not wanting to be so endlessly accommodating. She went to the shops anyway. Bought milk, bread, some apples because her grandson liked them. Dropped them on the table and heard: “Thanks, Mum.” It was as flat as ticking a box. She smiled her usual smile and went home. There, she opened her note and typed: “Bought groceries for my son.” She stared at the line. Her fingers trembled with anger, not fatigue. She suddenly realised her list wasn’t a buoy anymore—it was a leash. In November, she booked a GP appointment at last. Her back pain was unbearable; she couldn’t even stand in the kitchen for long. She did it online, chose a Saturday morning slot so she wouldn’t miss work. Then Friday night, her mum called: “Will you come over tomorrow? I need the chemist, and I’m all alone.” “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment,” she said. There was a pause, then her mum replied: “All right. So I’m not important.” That line always worked. It used to send her into a spin of apologies and promises, pushing back her own things. She actually opened her mouth to say, “I’ll come after the doctor,”—but paused. It wasn’t stubbornness, just tiredness, as if realising her life mattered too. She whispered, “Mum, I’ll come after lunch. The doctor’s important.” Her mother sighed, as if left in the cold. “All right,” she said, packing all her resentment and old habits inside. She slept poorly that night. Dreamt of running down corridors with files as doors slammed one after another. In the morning she calmly made her porridge, swallowed some painkillers, and set out. At the clinic, waiting her turn, half-listening to pensioners discuss tests, she wasn’t thinking about the diagnosis—but about the strangeness of doing something for herself. Afterwards she visited her mum anyway, picked up medicine at the chemist, climbed to her mum’s flat. Her mum was silent at first, then asked: “So—you got seen to?” “I did,” she said. “I needed to.” Her mum looked at her closely, as if seeing a person not just a role. Then she turned away towards the kitchen. As she walked home, she felt a relief—not happiness, but space. By December, as the year wound down, she found herself waiting for weekends not as a breath, but as a chance. Saturday morning her son texted again: “Can you have your grandson for a couple of hours? We’ve errands.” She was about to type “sure”—automatic—but hesitated. She sat on the edge of her bed, phone warm in her palm. The flat was quiet; only the heater clicked. She thought of the day she’d planned—heading to the city, the museum, the exhibition she’d been putting off. Wandering among paintings, listening only to herself. She wrote: “Sorry, I can’t today. I have my own plans.” She sent it, put the phone facedown as if that could shield her from the reply. It came quickly: “Okay.” Then: “Are you upset with us?” She flipped the phone over, read it, and felt her old urge—to explain, to smooth things over. She could have typed a long reply: she was tired, she needed to live too. But explanations turn into bargaining, and she didn’t want to bargain for her own time. She wrote: “No. It’s just important to me.” That was all. She got ready calmly, like for a shift. Checked the iron twice, shut the windows, took her wallet, her card, her phone charger. At the bus stop, surrounded by shopping bags and sleepy faces, she realised—this time, there was nothing and no one she urgently had to save. Unfamiliar, but not frightening. In the museum she moved slowly, taking in faces and hands and the play of light in painted windows. She felt herself becoming attentive again—not to others’ pleas, but to herself. She had coffee in a cosy café, bought a postcard print and tucked it in her bag—a sturdy card, soothing to hold between her fingers. When she got home, the phone stayed in her bag. She took off her coat, hung it up, washed her hands, put the kettle on. Only then did she sit down, open “The Good List”, and scroll to today’s date. She stared at the empty line. Then she hit “plus” and typed: “Went to the museum on my own. Chose myself.” She stopped. “Chose myself” felt too loud, as if blaming someone. She deleted it and wrote simply: “Went to the museum on my own. Looked after myself.” Then she did something new. At the top of the note, she created two columns. On the left: “For Others.” On the right: “For Myself.” So far, the “For Myself” column had just that entry. She stared at it and felt something inside align, like a spine after a stretch. There was nothing left to prove to anyone. She just needed to remember she was here. Her phone buzzed again. She didn’t hurry. She poured her tea, took a sip, then checked. Mum had sent, simply: “How are you?” She replied: “I’m fine. I’ll bring you some bread tomorrow.” And paused, then added: “I was busy today.” She sent it and left the phone on the table, screen up. The room was quiet, and the silence wasn’t oppressive. It was like space—space finally cleared, just for her.

10th December Id barely kicked off my boots and set the kettle boiling when a message pinged from my

La vida

052

“I Know About Your Little Adventures,” Said His Wife—And Victor Felt a Chill Run Down His Spine

I know about your little escapades, said his wife. Simon felt an icy chill creep down his spine.

La vida

09

Two Columns She had already kicked off her boots and set the kettle boiling when a message from her manager pinged: “Could you cover for Claire tomorrow? She’s got a fever and there’s nobody else.” Her hands were still wet from doing the dishes, and she smeared the screen trying to unlock the phone. She dried her palms on a tea towel and glanced at her calendar. Tomorrow was the only evening she’d planned to turn in early, ignore her phone, and prepare for the report due in the morning—as it was, her head was buzzing. She typed, “Sorry, I can’t, I’ve got…” then stopped. That familiar nausea rose: if you say no, you’re letting people down. That means you’re not kind, not dependable. She deleted it and wrote instead: “Yes, I’ll come in.” Sent. The kettle rumbled. She poured her mug, pulled up a stool at the window, and opened a note on her phone she simply called “The Good List”. It already had today’s entry: “Covered Claire’s shift.” She put a full stop and added a little plus sign at the end, as though this balanced something out. That note had lived with her for almost a year. She’d started it in January, when the post-Christmas lull felt especially bleak and she needed proof her days weren’t evaporating unnoticed. The first line read: “Gave Mrs. Baker a lift to the surgery.” Mrs. Baker from the fifth floor shuffled along with her medical bag, too nervous to trust the bus. “You’re driving, aren’t you? Do me a favour, I’ll never make it otherwise,” she’d said through the intercom. So she dropped her off, waited in the car while tests were done, and took her home again. On the way back, she’d caught herself feeling annoyed—late for work, her mind crowded with other people’s complaints. The irritation made her feel guilty. She bit it back and washed it down with a coffee at the petrol station. In the note, she wrote it down neatly, as if it had been pure kindness, untainted. In February, her son’s business trip meant she had her grandson for the weekend. “You’re home anyway, it’s no trouble for you,” he said—it wasn’t a request but a fact. Her grandson was lovely and lively, with endless “can you look”, “let’s play”. She loved him, but by evening her hands shook with fatigue, her head rang like after leaving a concert. She put him to bed, washed the dishes, gathered up the toys—he knocked them out again the next morning. On Sunday, when her son returned, she said, “I’m exhausted.” He grinned, as if it was a joke: “You’re Grandma, that’s what you do.” He kissed her cheek. In the note she added: “Looked after grandson for two days.” She put a little heart to make it feel less like mere obligation. In March, her cousin phoned and asked to borrow money until payday. “It’s for medicine, you get it,” she pleaded. She did get it. She transferred the money, didn’t ask when it’d be paid back, then sat in her kitchen, figuring out how to make it to next payday and gave up on the new coat she’d wanted for months. The coat wasn’t a luxury—the old one was just worn thin at the elbows now. Her note said: “Helped my cousin out.” She didn’t write, “Put off buying something for myself.” That felt trivial, unworthy of recording. In April at work, one of the younger girls, eyes puffy and red, got stuck in the loo and couldn’t come out. She was crying softly that someone had left her and she felt disposable. She knocked and said, “Open up, I’m here.” Then they sat together on the freshly painted stairwell as dusk fell, and she listened, nodding while the girl repeated herself again and again. She missed her physio class for her bad back but stayed until it was dark. At home, her back ached. She wanted to be angry with the girl, but really, she was angry at herself: Why can’t you ever say you need to leave? In her phone, she added: “Listened to Katie, supported her.” She put her name because it felt more personal. Again, she didn’t write, “Skipped something for myself.” In June, she gave a colleague a lift to her allotment since her car had broken down. The colleague spent the drive arguing with her husband on speakerphone and never once asked if it was convenient. She said nothing, just watched the summer traffic. At the allotment, the colleague hefted out her shopping and said, “Thanks, I knew you wouldn’t mind—it’s on your way anyway.” It wasn’t. She battled traffic back, got home later than promised, and didn’t have time to check in on her mum—who was then upset. Her note that night read: “Gave Tania a lift to her allotment.” “On your way” seemed to sting, and she stared at the screen for a long time, waiting for it to dim. In August the phone rang late—her mum. Her voice was small, jittery: “I don’t feel well, love. My blood pressure. I’m scared.” She jumped up, grabbed her coat, called a taxi, and shot across the sleeping city. In the flat, it was stuffy. Blood pressure monitor on the table, tablets scattered. She checked her readings, handed out medicine, sat till her mum nodded off. In the morning she went straight to work, skipping her own home. In the Tube, she kept nearly dozing off, afraid of missing her stop. That day, in her note, she added: “Stayed overnight with Mum.” She started to add an exclamation mark, but deleted it—too loud, too much. By autumn the list had grown long, an endless scroll. The longer it got, the more she started to suspect she wasn’t living so much as submitting a report, collecting receipts of goodness in case anyone ever asked: “What do you even do?” She tried recalling the last time she’d added something just for herself. Not “for herself,” but “because of herself.” The entries were all about other people: their pain, their errands, their plans. Her own wishes seemed like silly whims to be hidden. In October something happened—not dramatic, just enough to leave a scratch. She took her son some documents he’d asked to have printed. She stood in the hallway holding the folder as he hunted for his keys and spoke into his phone. Her grandson zoomed around, demanding cartoons. Her son covered the receiver and tossed over his shoulder, “Mum, since you’re here, can you pop to the shops for bread and milk? I won’t have time.” She said, “I’m actually tired too.” He didn’t even look at her, just shrugged: “But you can, can’t you? You always can.” He went back to his call. Those words felt like a stamp. Not a request, a given. Something hot rose inside her—along with shame. Shame for wanting to refuse, for not wanting to be so endlessly accommodating. She went to the shops anyway. Bought milk, bread, some apples because her grandson liked them. Dropped them on the table and heard: “Thanks, Mum.” It was as flat as ticking a box. She smiled her usual smile and went home. There, she opened her note and typed: “Bought groceries for my son.” She stared at the line. Her fingers trembled with anger, not fatigue. She suddenly realised her list wasn’t a buoy anymore—it was a leash. In November, she booked a GP appointment at last. Her back pain was unbearable; she couldn’t even stand in the kitchen for long. She did it online, chose a Saturday morning slot so she wouldn’t miss work. Then Friday night, her mum called: “Will you come over tomorrow? I need the chemist, and I’m all alone.” “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment,” she said. There was a pause, then her mum replied: “All right. So I’m not important.” That line always worked. It used to send her into a spin of apologies and promises, pushing back her own things. She actually opened her mouth to say, “I’ll come after the doctor,”—but paused. It wasn’t stubbornness, just tiredness, as if realising her life mattered too. She whispered, “Mum, I’ll come after lunch. The doctor’s important.” Her mother sighed, as if left in the cold. “All right,” she said, packing all her resentment and old habits inside. She slept poorly that night. Dreamt of running down corridors with files as doors slammed one after another. In the morning she calmly made her porridge, swallowed some painkillers, and set out. At the clinic, waiting her turn, half-listening to pensioners discuss tests, she wasn’t thinking about the diagnosis—but about the strangeness of doing something for herself. Afterwards she visited her mum anyway, picked up medicine at the chemist, climbed to her mum’s flat. Her mum was silent at first, then asked: “So—you got seen to?” “I did,” she said. “I needed to.” Her mum looked at her closely, as if seeing a person not just a role. Then she turned away towards the kitchen. As she walked home, she felt a relief—not happiness, but space. By December, as the year wound down, she found herself waiting for weekends not as a breath, but as a chance. Saturday morning her son texted again: “Can you have your grandson for a couple of hours? We’ve errands.” She was about to type “sure”—automatic—but hesitated. She sat on the edge of her bed, phone warm in her palm. The flat was quiet; only the heater clicked. She thought of the day she’d planned—heading to the city, the museum, the exhibition she’d been putting off. Wandering among paintings, listening only to herself. She wrote: “Sorry, I can’t today. I have my own plans.” She sent it, put the phone facedown as if that could shield her from the reply. It came quickly: “Okay.” Then: “Are you upset with us?” She flipped the phone over, read it, and felt her old urge—to explain, to smooth things over. She could have typed a long reply: she was tired, she needed to live too. But explanations turn into bargaining, and she didn’t want to bargain for her own time. She wrote: “No. It’s just important to me.” That was all. She got ready calmly, like for a shift. Checked the iron twice, shut the windows, took her wallet, her card, her phone charger. At the bus stop, surrounded by shopping bags and sleepy faces, she realised—this time, there was nothing and no one she urgently had to save. Unfamiliar, but not frightening. In the museum she moved slowly, taking in faces and hands and the play of light in painted windows. She felt herself becoming attentive again—not to others’ pleas, but to herself. She had coffee in a cosy café, bought a postcard print and tucked it in her bag—a sturdy card, soothing to hold between her fingers. When she got home, the phone stayed in her bag. She took off her coat, hung it up, washed her hands, put the kettle on. Only then did she sit down, open “The Good List”, and scroll to today’s date. She stared at the empty line. Then she hit “plus” and typed: “Went to the museum on my own. Chose myself.” She stopped. “Chose myself” felt too loud, as if blaming someone. She deleted it and wrote simply: “Went to the museum on my own. Looked after myself.” Then she did something new. At the top of the note, she created two columns. On the left: “For Others.” On the right: “For Myself.” So far, the “For Myself” column had just that entry. She stared at it and felt something inside align, like a spine after a stretch. There was nothing left to prove to anyone. She just needed to remember she was here. Her phone buzzed again. She didn’t hurry. She poured her tea, took a sip, then checked. Mum had sent, simply: “How are you?” She replied: “I’m fine. I’ll bring you some bread tomorrow.” And paused, then added: “I was busy today.” She sent it and left the phone on the table, screen up. The room was quiet, and the silence wasn’t oppressive. It was like space—space finally cleared, just for her.

10th December Id barely kicked off my boots and set the kettle boiling when a message pinged from my

La vida

07

The Timer on the Coffee Table — “You’ve put the salt in the wrong place again,” she said, not lifting her gaze from the saucepan. He froze mid-motion, the salt jar in hand as he eyed the shelf. The salt was right where it had always been, next to the sugar bowl. — “Where’s it supposed to go?” he asked cautiously. — “Not ‘where it’s supposed to’. Where I actually look for it. I’ve told you before.” — “It’d be easier if you just said the spot, rather than me guessing,” he replied, irritation bubbling up in his chest. She switched the hob off with a forceful click, set the lid down, and turned towards him. — “I’m tired of always saying things. Sometimes I just want things to be where I expect.” — “So, I’m getting it wrong again?” he concluded, shifting the salt a touch to the right on the shelf. She opened her mouth to snap back, but instead slammed the cupboard door and left the kitchen. He stood there holding the spoon, listening to her footsteps down the hallway. Then he sighed, tasted the soup, and automatically salted it again. They ate in silence an hour later. The news mumbled from the living room TV, the screen glinting off the glass of the sideboard. She ate slowly, hardly looking at him. He fiddled with his fork, tracing out every step of their familiar routine: some small thing, a complaint, his comment, her silence. — “Are we just going to always live like this?” she asked suddenly. He looked up. — “What do you mean?” — “I mean, you do something, I get frustrated, you get defensive. On and on.” — “Well, what else? It’s tradition,” he tried to joke. She didn’t smile. — “I read about something,” she said. “Talking sessions. Once a week. With a timer.” He blinked. — “A what?” — “A timer. Ten minutes for me, ten for you. No ‘you always’, no ‘you never’. Just ‘I feel’, ‘I need’, ‘I want’. The other just… listens. No arguing, no defending.” — “From the internet?” he checked. — “A book. Doesn’t matter. I want to try.” He reached for his water, taking a slow sip. — “What if I don’t want to?” he said, careful not to sound too sharp. — “Then we’ll keep fighting about salt,” she answered, completely calm. “And I really don’t want that.” He looked at her face. The lines round her mouth had deepened over the years, and he’d not noticed when. She seemed tired—not just tired of today, but as if from a whole life. — “Alright,” he said quietly. “But I warn you—I don’t know much about these… methods…” — “You don’t have to be talented,” she smiled tiredly. “Just honest.” On Thursday evening, he sat on the sofa, phone in hand, pretending to read the news. There was a heavy feeling in his stomach, the sort that comes before a dentist trip. On the coffee table sat the kitchen timer—a white, round plastic thing, numbers round the edge. She usually set it when she baked pies. Tonight, it lay between them, out of place. She brought two cups of tea, set them down, and sat opposite. She was wearing an old jumper stretched at the elbows, her hair tied messily up. — “So,” she said, “shall we?” — “Is there an agenda?” he tried a joke. — “Yes,” she replied. “I go first. Ten minutes, then you. If anything’s left, we save it for next time.” He nodded, put his phone aside. She picked up the timer, twisted it to ‘10’, and pressed the button. The soft ticking filled the space. — “I feel…” she began, then paused. He found himself bracing for the usual “you never” or “you always,” his body tensing in anticipation. But she, with her hands clenched, continued: — “I feel like I’m just… background. The house, the meals, your shirts, our days—they just happen. And if I stopped, everything would crumble, but no one would even notice. Not until it was much too late.” He ached to say he noticed. That he just didn’t say it. That maybe, she never let him do things. But he remembered the rule and kept quiet. — “It matters to me,” she glanced at him, “that what I do is… visible. Not praise, not daily thanks. Just sometimes, that you see what it costs. That it’s not automatic.” He swallowed. The timer ticked on. He wanted to protest—he was tired, too, work was no easier. But there was no “add a comment midway” rule. — “I want…” She sighed. “I don’t want to be the default responsible for everything. Your health, our holidays, the kids’ lives. Sometimes I want to be allowed to be weak. Not always the strong one.” He looked at her hands. The ring on her finger—the one he’d chosen for their tenth anniversary—was now a little too tight. He remembered how nervous he was picking the size. The timer beeped. She jerked slightly, gave a nervous half-laugh. — “That’s it. My ten minutes.” — “Right…” he cleared his throat. “My turn, then.” She nodded and reset the timer, nudging it over. He felt like a schoolboy at the board. — “I feel…” he started, hearing how awkward he sounded. “I feel like, at home, I always want to hide. Because, if I get something wrong, you’ll see it immediately. If I get it right, it’s just what’s expected, nothing more.” She nodded slightly, silent. — “It matters to me,” he went on, listening to himself, “that when I get home from work and put my feet up, it isn’t a crime. I’ve not been sitting around all day—I’m tired, too.” He caught her gaze: tired, but attentive. — “I want…” he hesitated, “I want when you get angry not to say I ‘don’t understand anything.’ I do. Maybe not everything, but definitely not nothing. When you say that, I just want to shut down. No answer will be right.” The timer beeped. He flinched, as if he’d been pulled from deep water. They sat in silence. The TV was off. Something hummed quietly in the next room: the fridge, maybe, or the radiators. — “Feels strange,” she said at last. “Like rehearsal.” — “Like we’re not married, just… patients.” He searched for the word. She grinned wryly. — “Well, patients it is. Let’s give it a month. Once a week.” He shrugged. — “A month’s not a life sentence.” She nodded, gathering up the timer and heading to the kitchen. He watched her go, oddly aware that they now owned a new bit of furniture. On Saturday, they went shopping. She pushed the trolley ahead, he followed with the list: milk, chicken, pasta. — “Grab some tomatoes,” she called, not looking back. He picked a few, bagged them, and caught himself wanting to say, “I feel these tomatoes are heavy,” and snorted. — “What’s funny?” she turned to him. — “Practising,” he replied. “The new wording.” She rolled her eyes, but her mouth twitched at the corners. — “No need in public,” she retorted. “Although… maybe sometimes there is.” They passed by the biscuit aisle. He reached for her favourite, then remembered what she said about sugar and blood pressure. His hand hovered. — “Go on,” she said, seeing his hesitation. “I’m not a child. If I don’t eat them, I’ll take them to work.” He put the pack in the trolley. — “I…” he started, then stopped. — “What?” she prompted. — “I know you do a lot,” he said, looking at the price tag. “In case you need it for Thursday.” She looked at him, properly, and nodded. — “I’ll note it down,” she said. The second talk went worse. He was fifteen minutes late—work, traffic, then a call from their son. She was already waiting, timer on the table, grid-paper notebook beside her. — “Ready?” she asked, skipping greetings. — “Just a minute,” he took off his jacket, hung it over a chair, grabbed water in the kitchen, and returned, feeling her eyes on his back. — “You don’t have to do this,” she said. “If you’re bored, say so.” — “Not bored,” he grumbled, though every part of him wanted to refuse. “Just been a rough day.” — “Me too,” she replied tightly. “But I showed up on time.” He gripped his glass. — “Alright,” he said. “Let’s go.” She turned the timer to ‘10’. — “I feel,” she began, “like we live as housemates. We talk about bills, groceries, health, but never about what we want. I can’t remember the last time we planned a holiday for just us—not going where we’re invited, but actually planned.” He thought of her sister’s cottage, last year’s NHS getaway. — “It matters to me,” she went on, “that we make plans together. Not just ‘maybe we’ll go to the seaside someday,’ but something real: here, then, for this long. And not just me pushing—it should be ours.” He nodded, though her eyes didn’t meet his. — “I want…” she faltered, “I want us to talk about sex not only when it’s missing. It’s embarrassing to say, but I miss not only that—I miss touches, hugs, not on a schedule.” He felt his ears flush. He wanted to make a joke about their ages, but the words wouldn’t come. — “When you turn to the wall at night,” she said, “I feel like you’re no longer interested. Not just in me—as me—but in general.” The timer ticked. He avoided looking at it, unwilling to see how long he had left. — “That’s it,” she said when the beep went off. “Your turn.” He reached for the timer, but his hand shook. She set it for him and pushed it closer. — “I feel,” he said, “that whenever we talk about money, it’s like I’m… an ATM. If I say no to something, it’s seen as stingy, not fear.” She pressed her lips together but said nothing. — “It matters to me that you know,” he continued, “I’m afraid of losing our security. I remember counting every penny back in the nineties. When you say, ‘it’ll be fine, don’t worry,’ everything tightens inside me.” He took a breath. — “I want that when you plan a big purchase, we talk first. Not ‘I’m already signed up, I’ve already ordered, it’s done.’ I don’t mind the spending; I mind surprises.” The timer beeped. He felt relief. — “Can I say something?” she burst out. “It’s not in the rules, but I can’t hold it in.” He stilled. — “Go on,” he said. — “When you say you’re an ATM,” her voice shook, “it feels like you think all I do is spend. But I’m scared, too. Scared of falling ill, scared you’ll leave, scared of being alone. Sometimes I buy things just to feel like there’s… a future. Like we’re still making plans.” He almost fired back, but stopped in time. They looked at each other, the table between them like a border. — “That wasn’t by the timer,” he murmured. — “I know,” she replied. “I’m not a robot.” He grinned, but without humour. — “Maybe this method isn’t for real, living people,” he muttered. — “It’s for those who want another go,” she said. He slumped back, exhausted. — “Let’s stop for tonight,” he suggested. She glanced at the timer, then at him. — “Alright,” she agreed. “But let’s not call it a failure. Just… a note in the margin.” He nodded. She picked up the timer, but instead of putting it away, left it at the edge of the table—as if to signal they could come back. That night, he couldn’t sleep. She lay at his side, facing away. He reached out, wanting to place a hand on her shoulder, but stopped short. Her word— “like housemates”—circled in his mind. He withdrew his hand, lay on his back, staring into the dark. The third talk happened a week later, but started sooner, on the bus. They were headed to the surgery: he for an ECG, she for tests. The bus was crowded; they stood, gripping the support rail. She was silent, gazing out the window, and he studied her profile. — “Are you angry?” he asked. — “No,” she said. “Thinking.” — “About what?” — “About getting older,” she replied, still looking out. “And that if we don’t learn to talk now, one day we just won’t have the energy.” He wanted to insist he was still fine, but the words stuck. He remembered how yesterday he’d struggled up five flights of stairs. — “I’m afraid,” he blurted, surprising himself. “That they’ll admit me to hospital, and you’ll visit with bags of things and just silently resent me.” She turned to him. — “I wouldn’t be angry,” she said. “I’d be scared.” He nodded. That evening, when they sat on the sofa, the timer was waiting on the coffee table. She placed two mugs nearby, sat across from him. — “Let’s start with you tonight,” she suggested. “I had my say on the bus.” He sighed, turned the timer to ‘10’. — “I feel,” he began, “that when you talk about being tired, I instantly think I’m being blamed. Even when you’re not. I start defending myself before you’re halfway through.” She nodded. — “It matters to me,” he continued, “to learn to hear you, not just defend myself. But I don’t know how. Growing up, I learned if you’re to blame, you get punished. So, when you tell me things are bad, I hear: ‘you’re bad’.” It was the first time he’d ever said it aloud, and he was surprised. — “I want us to agree: when you talk about your feelings, it doesn’t automatically mean I’m guilty. And if I’ve done wrong, please be specific: ‘yesterday’, ‘just now’—not always.” The timer ticked. She listened, quietly. — “That’s it,” he exhaled, as the timer beeped. “Your turn.” She reset it. — “I feel,” she started slowly, “I’ve lived in ‘hold it together’ mode for years. For the kids, for you, parents. And when you go silent, it feels like I’m the only one pulling everything along.” He remembered last year, at her mum’s funeral. He had mostly just kept silent, back then. — “It matters to me,” she went on, “for you to start a conversation sometimes. Not waiting until I explode; coming up to me—‘How are you?’ ‘Shall we talk?’ Because every time I have to start, I feel… pushy.” He nodded. — “I want us to agree on two things. First: we don’t talk serious stuff if one of us is tired or angry—not while rushing, not in the corridor by the lift. We can reschedule.” He listened, watching her face. — “Second,” she said, “we don’t raise our voices in front of the kids. I know I slip, but I don’t want them to see us shouting.” The timer beeped, but she finished anyway. — “That’s my lot,” she added quickly. He smiled faintly. — “That’s not in the rules,” he noted. — “It’s real life,” she replied. He tapped the timer to turn it off. — “I agree,” he said. “Both points.” She slouched — ever so slightly. — “And I want a rule of my own,” he added after a moment. “Just one.” — “What?” she grew wary. — “If we don’t finish in the ten minutes, we don’t carry on the fight into the night. We move it to next Thursday—no running battles.” She thought about it. — “Alright. But if it’s urgent?” — “If it’s urgent, we put out the fire—just not with petrol.” She snorted. — “Deal,” she said. Between their talks, life ticked on. He made his coffee each morning, she scrambled eggs. He had started washing up sometimes, without being asked. She noticed, but didn’t always say so. In the evenings, they watched telly, argued about which TV character was in the right. Sometimes she almost said, “We’re like that,” but remembered their rule—and saved it for Thursday. Once, she was stirring a pan of soup, and he came up behind, slipped an arm around her waist—no reason. — “What is it?” she asked, not turning. — “Nothing,” he replied. “Just practising.” — “Practising what?” she frowned. — “Touching,” he said. “Not just on a timetable.” She smirked, but didn’t move away. — “I’ll make a note of that,” she said. A month later, they sat together again, timer between them. — “Shall we carry on?” he asked. — “What do you think?” she replied. He eyed the white plastic timer, her hands, his knees. — “I think so,” he said. “We’re not done yet.” — “We never will be,” she shrugged. “It’s not a test. It’s… like brushing your teeth.” He laughed. — “How romantic.” — “But straightforward,” she returned. She set the timer for ‘10’ and placed it down. — “Let’s not stick too rigidly to the rules tonight,” she suggested. “If we wander off topic, we can steer back.” — “No need to be fanatical,” he agreed. She exhaled. — “I feel,” she said, “it’s gotten a bit easier. Not perfect, but… like I’m no longer invisible. You talk more, ask more. I notice.” He flushed. — “It matters to me,” she continued, “not to drop this when things feel ‘easier’. Not to slip back to silence until we explode.” He nodded. — “I want,” she finished, “that a year from now we can say—we’re a bit more honest. Not perfect, not argument-free—just… honest.” The timer ticked. He listened, and for once had no urge to cut in with a joke. — “Done,” she said when the beep came. “Now you.” He picked up the timer, set it. — “I feel,” he admitted, “more anxious now. It was easier to just hide behind not talking—now I have to speak up. I worry I’ll say something wrong, or hurt you.” She listened, head cocked. — “It matters to me that you remember: I’m not the enemy. When I talk about my fears, it’s not against you. It’s just… about me.” He paused. — “I want us to stick with this rule—once a week, honestly and without blame. Even if we slip up sometimes. Let it be… our contract.” The timer beeped. He turned it off before the next signal. They sat quietly. In the kitchen something clicked—the kettle finished boiling. Someone was laughing through the wall; a door slammed elsewhere in the building. — “You know,” she said, “I used to think we needed one big revelation—like in a film—for things to change. Turns out…” — “Turns out we’re just doing it, bit by bit, every week,” he finished. — “Yeah,” she nodded. “Bit by bit.” He looked at her face. The wrinkles were still there, the tiredness too. But now, there was something else—attention, perhaps. — “Let’s have tea,” he suggested. — “Let’s,” she agreed. She gathered up the timer, carried it to the kitchen. Set it by the sugar bowl, not tucked away. He filled the kettle, set it on the hob. — “My GP appointment is after work next Thursday,” she said, leaning on the table. “I might be late.” — “We’ll push the talk to Friday, then,” he replied. “No important chats when you’re tired.” She glanced up and smiled. — “Deal,” she said. He opened a cupboard, took out two mugs, set them on the table. The kettle was starting to rumble. — “Where’s the salt go?” he called, remembering the first row. She turned round and saw the jar in his hand. — “Where I look for it,” she replied reflexively, then paused. “Second shelf, on the left.” He put it where she’d said. — “Understood,” he said. She stepped over, touching his shoulder. — “Thanks for asking,” she murmured. He nodded. The kettle roared. The timer sat quietly on the table, waiting for the next Thursday.

The Timer on the Table Youve put the salt in the wrong place again, she said, not glancing up from the saucepan.

La vida

08

Mary Turned 64… Still Paying the Bills for Her 33-Year-Old Son Who Just Can’t Afford to Move Out

Mary turned 64 still footing the bills for her 33-year-old son who just never quite managed to fly the nest.