Auntie Margaret, Im really sorry to bother you, but would you mind watching my son for a little while? The young woman stood in the doorway, looking sheepish.
Come again? The older lady pretended not to understand.
I justwell, the neighbours said you sometimes watch peoples children for an hour or two when their mums need to pop out, the woman tried to smile.
Let me tell you, love, Auntie Margaret answered in a grand tone, theres no such thing as other peoples children. Theyre all our children, arent they?
The young mum broke into a much brighter grin. So, youll do it then?
How long exactly would you be leaving him for?
Just a couple of hours, honestly.
A couple on the dot?
Well, it might end up being three the mum admitted, less sure now.
No, sweetheart, that simply wont do, Auntie Margaret said firmly. Ill take responsibility for your child for a set number of hoursno guesswork. And youll sign for it, as well.
Sign for it? What for?
So that for every minute youre late picking him up, Ill charge you an extra pound.
A pound a minute? Really?!
Yes, indeed. If youre a whole hour late, thats sixty pounds!
Blimey. Then whats your rate for three hours?
Oh, and whats the little ones gender?
What, does that matter?
Of course it does. For a girl, three hours of my time is twenty pounds. For a boyforty.
But why is there such a difference?
Cant you tell, love? Boys and girls arent exactly the same, you know.
No, really, theyre basically the same aside from a few details.
Exactly! Its those little details that make all the difference. See, if youve got a boy
Yes, I do. His names Jamie.
Well then, before he arrives, Ill have to put myself together properly.
What do you mean?
I mean what I saidironing my housecoat, doing my nails, fixing my make-up: eyeliner, bit of eyeshadow, lipstick, the lot. Cosmetics dont come cheap these days.
But hang on! the mum exclaimed, bewildered. Jamies only five! Why would that matter to him?
Why? Youre joking, arent you? Auntie Margaret said. A boy needs to develop his taste from an early age.
What about a girl, then?
A girl will figure that out for herself. But a boy needs to understand the difference between a lovely lady and one that doesnt make an effort. Unless you want him bringing home someone who looks as unpolished as I do right now Surely you dont go wandering around in tatty tights and an old dressing gown in front of your son, do you?
Me? The young mum hesitated, then blushed. Is that not okay?
Oh, darling! Auntie Margaret cried. Listen and never forget: a boy will look for a wife whos like his mum. If you dont want a future daughter-in-law whos a total mess
I definitely dont! So can I bring Jamie over?
When?
Right now, like I saidI need to pop out for a couple of hours.
Youll be on time coming back?
Yes, yes I promise! Ill be here in three hoursno later.
Alright then. Drop him off, but in fifteen minutes, please. Oh, by the way, what sorts of things is Jamie interested in?
What do you mean?
Well, does he natter on about cars, or science, or perhaps art?
Hes only five! the mum protested. Isnt that a bit much?
Hardly! Its exactly at this age when their interests start to show. Why, my Harry could take apart any bike before he turned six. By seven, he was fiddling with car engines.
At five?!
Absolutely! His dad was the best mechanic in town, you know. Didnt you realise?
No, I didnt.
You should have! And my second son? He played the violin. We used to tell him to try something elsehis dads names David, not Yehudi Menuhinbut he stuck to it, and now he teaches music! Point is, its all about what they want. If theyre keen, theyll do it. And my third
The third ones an athlete, isnt he? the mum interrupted.
Thats right. Which is why weve still got a climbing frame up in the hall. If Jamies keen to try it, Ill show him a few cracking moves.
You? Show him? the young mum looked surprised.
Why not? And besides, Ive got a piano, a violin, stacks of booksgardening, engineering, fishing, you name it. Tell me what hes into, and Ill keep him so busy he wont have time for mischief.
Hes not really into anything, the mum said sadly.
What does he dream of, then?
Honestly, Im not sure.
Are you serious? Auntie Margaret was taken aback. A real boy of five ought to dream of magic wands, flying like a bird, being an alien, climbing inside the dishwasher and switching it on, taking apart the telly, petting a live tiger at the zoo doesnt he want any of that?
He only wants one thinga mobile phone like the grown-ups, admitted his mum, looking a bit defeated.
Ah, I see, Auntie Margaret nodded. In that case, bring the boy to mein fifteen minutes, mind. And Ill only charge you twenty pounds, like for a girl.
But why? the mum protested. Hes still a boy.
So what? Having the equipment doesnt tell me much. But trust me, loveIll help him become a right proper lad.
You will? How? The mum suddenly looked worried.
Dont worry your head about that. But remember, next time he wants to visit meand he willyoull be paying the boy rate. Deal?
Deal, the young mum agreed, resigned. I havent got much choice.
Brilliant. Off you go and fetch him. Id best go tidy up my face!
The very next morning, Jamie woke up and instantly asked, Mum, can I go over to Auntie Margarets today?
Why? his mother asked, a bit jealously.
Its so much fun at hers! Jamie burst out.
