Robert was roused by the sharp chime of the doorbell. On the other side of the bed, his wife stirred. He brushed his hand lightly over her shoulder.
“Go back to sleep, love, Ill get it,” he murmured, shuffling toward the door. “Who could it be at this hour?”
When he opened the door, there stood his Aunt Margaret, gripping a bulky suitcase, while her husband, Uncle Albert, shifted uneasily behind her.
“My dear nephew!” Aunt Margaret exclaimed. “Arent you pleased to see me? Come, give your old aunt a proper hug!” She seized Roberts arm as if she meant to smother him in her embrace.
“Goodbye, peace,” Robert thought ruefully, hauling her luggage down the hallway.
The rest of the night descended into chaos. Aunt Margaret refused the sofa, declaring it fit only for vagabonds. Then she suggestedquite firmlythat Robert ought to make other arrangements.
His wife, Emily, watched in stunned silence. Barely an hour had passed since their arrival, and already the flat had been turned upside down. At last, everyone retiredAunt Margaret and Uncle Albert commandeered the bed, while Robert and Emily squeezed onto the lumpy settee.
“How long do you think theyll stay?” Emily whispered the next morning as she set breakfast before him.
“Hard to say. Ill ask when I return from work.”
Emily listened tensely to the snores rumbling from the bedroom before adding, “Robert, they frighten me. Could you come home early tonight?”
“Ill try,” he promised, then slipped out the door.
When he returned that evening, a lavish supper awaited him.
“Come in, nephew! Were celebrating a family reunion!” Aunt Margaret called from the kitchen.
Emily clutched his sleeve. “Oh, thank heavens youre back.”
They gathered around the table.
“Aunt Margaret, how long has it been since you last visited?” Robert ventured.
“Already trying to shoo us away? Listen hereare we unwelcome?” She shot a glare at Uncle Albert, who merely chewed his peas with quiet resolve.
“What? No! Stay as long as you like!” Robert stammered.
“Oh, we intend to, dear. Permanently, in fact. Weve sold our houseyoure all the family we have left. Surely you wouldnt cast your poor old aunt onto the streets? You can endure us a little longer, cant you?” She dabbed theatrically at a tear.
Roberts jaw dropped. Emily burst into tears and fled.
An awkward hush settled over the room. Uncle Albert continued calmly forking his salad.
“And why must you sit there mute?” Aunt Margaret snapped. “Always with your nose in your plate. Cant you speak for once?”
“Quite right, my dear,” Uncle Albert agreed amiably.
“Youre utterly useless!” she fumed. “Its always the sameI make every decision while you nod along. What sort of man does that?” She turned to Robert. “Are you happy, nephew?”
“Youre welcome to stay as long as you need!” Robert managed, though Emilys sobs echoed from the hallway.
He picked at his plate without appetite. The uncles ate with such vigor it seemed their jaws might crack.
When Aunt Margaret finished, she leaned back with a satisfied sigh.
“Robert, I was only teasing. Were here for a hospital check-upthree days at most. You handled that splendidly. Scared stiff, but you hid it well. Family matters to you. When Im gone, the house shall be yoursweve no children of our own. Youre my only heir.”
For the first time in hours, Robert breathed easily.
“May you live a hundred years, Aunt Margaret,” he said brightly.
In the days that followed, Emily dissolved into endless tears, unable to please her auntthe soup was too bland, the chops too tough, the washing poorly done, the floors improperly scrubbed.
When at last they departed, Aunt Margaret pulled Robert aside.
“Whyever did you marry such a weepy girl? Is she expecting? She cries at the drop of a hat.”
The moment the door closed, Emily danced with relief.
“Perhaps theyll never return,” she said hopefully.
“I wouldnt bet on it. Aunt Margaret seemed quite taken with us.”
“I cant bear it!” she groaned.
The doorbell rang again, sharp and insistent.
“Not already” Robert bolted upright, then chuckled. “Oh! Only the alarm clock.”
A splendid day awaited him.
