At 65 we finally faced the fact that our children no longer rely on us. How can we accept this and begin to live for ourselves?
I am 65, and for the first time Im asking: the children to whom my husband and I gave everything seem to have outgrown us. We poured our time, energy, and money into three kids, gave them everything they wanted, and now they have moved on. My son doesnt even pick up when I call. Sometimes I wonder whether any of them will even offer us a glass of water when were old.
I married at 25. David, a classmate, courted me for a long time and even enrolled in the same university just to be near me. A year after our modest wedding I became pregnant, and our daughter was born. David dropped his studies to work, while I took an academic leave.
Those were difficult years. He worked almost nonstop, and I was learning motherhood while trying to finish my education. Two years later I got pregnant again, switched to parttime courses, and David had to work even harder to support us.
Despite the strain, we raised two children: our older daughter Emily and younger son Michael. When Emily started school I finally secured a job in my field. Life began to improve: David obtained a stable, wellpaid position and we bought our own home. Just as we felt some relief, I became pregnant once more.
Our third childs birth brought new challenges. David intensified his efforts to provide, while I devoted myself to caring for our youngest, Anna. Somehow we managed to regain a foothold, and when Anna entered first grade I finally felt a breath of ease.
The hardships, however, continued. As Emily began university she announced her marriage. We didnt discourage herafter all, we married young ourselves. Paying for the wedding and helping her purchase a home drained a large sum of money.
Michael also wanted his own place. We couldnt refuse, so we took another loan and bought him an apartment. Fortunately he quickly landed a good job at a prestigious firm.
When Anna was in her senior year of high school she revealed a dream of studying abroad. It was a tough period for us, but we managed to gather the funds to send her to the university she desired. After she left, we found ourselves alone.
Gradually the visits dwindled. Emily, though still living in the same city, seldom came by. Michael sold his flat, moved to a new one in the capital, and his visits became even rarer. Anna, after finishing her studies, remained overseas.
We gave everything to our childrentheir time, our youth, our moneyand in the end we became nothing to them. We dont expect financial help; we only wish for occasional contact, a visit, or a kind word.
It seems that may be a thing of the past. Now I wonder: perhaps its time to stop waiting and start living for ourselves? At 65, havent we finally earned a little happiness that we always placed last?
