At 65 we finally saw that our children no longer depend on us. How can we accept this and begin to live for ourselves?
I am 65, and for the first time Im confronting a painful truth: the children we devoted our lives to dont need us any longer. The three kids we poured our time, energy and money into have gotten everything they wanted and have simply moved on. My son doesnt even pick up when I call. Sometimes I wonder whether any of them will even offer us a glass of water when were old.
I married at 25. David, a classmate, chased me for years and even enrolled in the same university just to stay close. A year after our modest wedding I became pregnant, and our daughter was born. David had to leave his studies to work, while I took an academic leave.
Those were tough years. He worked almost nonstop, and I was learning motherhood while trying to finish my education. Two years later another pregnancy forced me into parttime study, and Davids workload increased even more to keep us afloat.
Despite the strain we raised two children: our elder daughter Emily and our younger son Michael. When Emily started school I finally secured a job in my field. Life began to look up: David obtained a stable, wellpaid position and we bought our own home. Just as we started to feel relief, I became pregnant again.
The arrival of our third child brought fresh challenges. David intensified his efforts to provide, while I devoted myself to caring for our youngest daughter, Anna. Somehow we managed, and gradually stability returned. When Anna entered first grade I finally felt a real sigh of relief.
The difficulties, however, kept coming. As Emily began university she announced she was getting married. We didnt try to stop herwe married young ourselves. Planning the wedding and helping her purchase a house drained a large portion of our savings.
Michael also wanted his own place. We couldnt say no, so we took another loan and bought him an apartment. Fortunately he soon landed a good job at a reputable firm.
When Anna was in her final year of high school she told us she dreamed of studying abroad. It was a hard period for us, but we managed to gather the funds to send her to her desired university. Anna left, and we were left on our own.
Gradually the childrens visits became rarer. Emily, although still living in the same city, seldom came by. Michael sold his flat, moved to a new one in the capital, and his visits grew even less frequent. Anna, after graduating, stayed overseas.
We gave them everythingour time, our youth, our financesand in the end we became almost nothing to them. We do not expect financial help or any obligation. All we ask is a occasional call, a visit, or a kind word.
It now feels like that belongs to the past. I wonder: maybe its time to stop waiting and start living for ourselves? At 65, havent we earned a little happiness that we have always placed at the very end?
