This happened about eighteen months ago, in winter, when my son was just five months old. My husbands brother rang me up one day and asked if he and his girlfriend could stay with us for a week. How could I refuse? I wasnt exactly thrilled, of courseafter all, our baby was only just born, I was running on barely any sleep, hadnt eaten a proper meal in days, and any little time I did have was constantly interrupted by family popping in. Still, I thought, maybe theyll lend a helping hand, Ill get a bit of a rest, and at least Ill have someone to chat to and share some tea.
They arrived without so much as a pack of biscuits, despite staying for a full week; not even a little rattle for the baby. I have a rule: if a child is at home, I never arrive empty-handedits just how I was brought up. But perhaps, I thought, this time is different.
They said they had some business to sort out, but never really explained what that was.
I did my best as a hostess, cooked meals, cleaned up, made the effort to get to know them better. On the surface, everything seemed fine, but during the few days they stayed, she never once offered to help in the kitchen, tidy up, or even lend a hand with the baby while I dealt with chores.
She would go out in the mornings to run errands, her boyfriend slept until midday, my husband was at work, and there I was, dashing about the flat with our baby in tow. Shed return, sink into the sofa, and sit there for hours on end, either relaxing or glued to the telly.
Between nursing, changing nappies, mopping muddy winter footprints off the floors, preparing meals, and making sure the baby was fed and bathed, I felt stretched to the limit.
On day three, Id had enough. I told my husband about my frustrations, but he just shruggedsaid it wasnt right for a man to interfere in womens quarrels. On the fourth day, after hed come home from work, the pair of them announced they were off to the cinema.
We quickly made dinner together at last, sat down to eat, and then just as we finished, our guests breezed back in, arms full of beer and snacksplenty for themselves, but, of course, nothing for a breastfeeding mother. Not even a small dessert.
Beaming, the happy couple tucked into dinner, then went off to watch a film, ringing my husband and inviting him to join them. At that point, my feelings were bruised, so I pulled her aside and said:
Sorry, but could you at least offer to help me once in a while? I have a young baby and Im completely worn out. Even just peeling potatoes for the soup, or offering to give me a hand would make a world of difference.
She replied, Are you trying to take it out on me? I dont think thats fair! Im tired as well. (Tired from the sofa, I wondered?)
I said, Look, youre in my home, not the other way around. Youre my guests.
She snapped, I dont think I need to listen to this!
And I said, You know what, love, pack your bags and leave.
So, off they went, and I cried with resentment for ages afterwards.
Looking back, it made me realise: its important to set clear boundaries, even with family. We shouldnt feel guilty for standing up for ourselves when others take our kindness for granted. Sometimes, respect means knowing when to say noand remembering that thoughtful gestures go a long way, especially when someone needs support most.
