– What kind of wife do you think you are? Did we walk down the aisle? Ever see any rings on our fingers or get those marriage certificates?
Emily hesitated. She longed for all of it, but they’d been living without it for so long.
– No! No! And no! – shouted Henry. – You’re no one to me! How dare you call yourself my wife?
– Henry, please don’t give me the silent treatment! – pleaded Emily tearfully. – Let’s talk about this!
– Do you have anything more to say? – Henry snapped. – You’ve already said more than enough!
– But I didn’t say anything terrible, – said Emily, – really!
– Remember this, or better yet write it down: silence is golden! Especially in your case! – He turned away.
– Darling, come on, stop sulking! – she scooted closer.
– It would be better if you didn’t speak at all! – he threw his hands up. – How do women have this talent where one phrase can ruin everything?
Do they teach this at school or maybe courses on how to drive men mad?
Emily sensed Henry’s silence was because of her morning outburst. After all, he had smashed not only his but also her favorite mug.
– How could you? – she fumed. – Everyone can handle a mug, but for you, it’s like a foreign object!
Fine, you broke yours, why touch mine? Or is it your plan to break everyone’s favorite eventually?
It was just the usual domestic rant. Harmless, most would let it roll off.
But Henry went off to work upset and returned refusing to speak to Emily.
He was angry, sulking, and resentful. Ignored everything she did and even skipped dinner despite her calling him three times.
But peace needed to be restored!
– Henry, forget about the mugs, let’s go to the department store on Saturday and buy new ones! Your hands are just fine!
– What mugs are you on about? – Henry looked at Emily with wild eyes. – Don’t you understand what you’ve done with your words?
– I can apologize, – Emily said, bewildered. – Please, don’t be mad!
– Apologize? – he laughed hysterically. – If an apology could fix what you’ve done, I’d be the happiest man alive!
But you’ve just crushed me! Destroyed me! Trampled me!
– My God, what did I say? – Emily realized it wasn’t about the mugs. She had no idea what it could be.
– Who told my boss today she was speaking to Henry’s wife? – Henry yelled, spraying spit in her face.
– You were in the shower, the phone was ringing off the hook, – Emily spoke, flustered, – I answered, said to hold while I got you.
She asked who I was, so I said the wife. But by the time I got the phone to you, she hung up. What’s the big deal?
– And you ask, what’s the big deal? – Henry reddened, his temple pulsing. – Big deal? What kind of wife are you?
Did we get any marriage papers? Put a ring on your finger?
Emily hesitated. She longed for all of it, but they’d been living without it for so long.
– No! No! And no! – shouted Henry. – You’re no one to me! So what makes you think you can call yourself my wife?
***
– How long will this go on? – asked Harriet with a smile.
– Mum, – Emily looked reproachfully, – it’s not the same time now and those puritan talks don’t suit. Even you, after Dad passed, had your share of friends!
– Don’t you accuse your mother! She knows what she needs! – Harriet kept smiling. – I’m at an age where talk doesn’t stick! You’re young; there’s lots of life ahead!
– Mum, fifty-four is hardly old! You could marry again, and by today’s standards, maybe more than once!
– If a decent man came along, I might, – Harriet patted her hair, – for now, it’s all substitutes!
– And you talk to me! – laughed Emily.
Then Harriet’s smile disappeared:
– Emily, I know many live without formalities and have kids, calling it normal.
But legally, it’s still cohabitation. And that offers no guarantees!
– Mum, love is better than any guarantee, – Emily replied.
– Love today, gone tomorrow, but an official husband gives some security! Alimony for kids, you know.
If assets like a house, car, appliances come into play, nothing is guaranteed if he digs in his heels!
– Mum, Henry and I have a great relationship! We’ve been together six years. Who needs formalities when our earnings are equal?
– Not convincing, not solid, which means it’s a mess! – Harriet wagged her finger. – Emily, guide him towards it!
Casually call him hubby, ask for a hug as your dear wife.
Let the words stick, soak in. Then maybe you’ll tie the knot!
– If I scare him with those, I’ll get a row first, then sulking and finally loneliness! – Emily shook her head. – You see, Mum, happiness is fragile and needs care, not a stress test!
– It’s your life, – shrugged Harriet, – I’ll welcome you alone or with grandkids, if God permits they come.
Just remember, playing around is one thing, but grown life holds responsibility.
In your setup, no one’s bound to anyone. Logical, but chaotic!
***
Emily appreciated her mom’s warmth and support. Yet, her advice gave pause.
Marriage seemed more her safety net. Benefiting women more than men.
Her friend Sarah also nudged Emily to formalize things with Henry. But with different points:
– Suppose you’d get a house or car on finance, maybe some appliances. Clearly, it’d be under the head of your pretend family.
– Sarah, – Emily frowned, – no more nicknames!
– Alright, – Sarah agreed. – In short, on Henry. What if you decide to part!
– No doomsaying!
– Okay, – Sarah waved a hand. – Something outrageous happens, you split, – Emily’s pointed look shifted Sarah’s tone. – Henry may want to gift that house, car, or cottage to a nephew, mum, Uncle Charlie, Auntie May. And he could! You’d have no say!
– I could speak up, – Emily assured.
– Sure, you could! – Sarah mocked a smile. – But proving those assets were joint, or financed from shared funds is tricky! You might miss out on anything jointly acquired!
– What about court, witnesses?
– Only the courts can help you, but proving who you are and your rights isn’t simple. Plus, the one getting the assets will have many claim you never backed any of it!
– You’re describing the worst-case! – said Emily.
– I’m sharing typical court tales from couples like you and Henry.
– So, I should keep receipts, maintain a ledger, and tape every chat with Henry about money and buys? – Emily asked.
– Or just take him down to the registry, – now Sarah offered a warm smile suggesting the best course.
– Mum says drag him by force if need be. But first, ease him into it with “husband, wife”.
– Then practice those words!
***
Among all nicknames, “hubby” smoothly stuck. And calling herself “wifey” felt natural. These words rolled off the tongue well.
Emily feared Henry’s immediate revolt, but he merely chuckled, without repeating those magical words himself.
Emily only increased the pressure. Everywhere, every time, whether needed or not, she called Henry her husband, herself the wife.
She got so used to it, she didn’t even notice when she told his calling boss she was his wife. It slipped out naturally.
***
– Henry, we’ve lived so long together, – Emily said, – I thought we were a family. Sure, without a label, but that’s normal now. Ahead are kids and a long happy life!
– Just think that and carry on, why did you have to call yourself my “wife” to my boss? Stick to handing me the phone, and it wouldn’t mean trouble!
– Darling, but I always call you my husband, how’s it a problem?
– The problem is, thanks to you, I’m getting fired! You didn’t just spoil my mood! You spoiled my life! Ruined my career’s rise!
I’m not going to the registry with you! I’m not even living with you now! I’m packing right away!
– Henry, aren’t you overreacting? – Emily asked, stunned. – I told your boss I was your wife. How’s that a dealbreaker?
– The thing is, my boss, Mrs. Smith, kept me on for hopes of… wooing me down the line!
Now, as it seems I have a wife, her dreams shattered! She already signed my termination by today’s end!
***
A week after Henry left, Mrs. Smith knocked on Emily’s door:
– Emily, I wanted to apologize, – she began, – not for firing Henry, but for you living with someone unfaithful, – she stopped awkwardly.
– Understood, – brushed off Emily.
– I had plans for him, we met “casually”. Even colleagues were charmed…
Emily swallowed, fighting nausea.
– We thought he was single, hence competing for his attention. Had we known, we wouldn’t… Had we known he was a husband…
– We weren’t legally married…
– Well, still cohabiting…
– Not anymore, – Emily lowered her gaze.
– You know, – Mrs. Smith spoke firmly, – this might be for the best. For he was neither husband, nor partner, just… a fool of another kind! Leaving you free might be the blessing.
Emily couldn’t argue with that.
Neither husband nor partner, just… a fool.
