– Sarah, take her! I cant do this anymore! I cant even bring myself to touch her now!
Liz was trembling, clutching her baby, who was wailing uncontrollably in her arms.
Sarah gently took her little niece and nodded.
– Alright. But this is your choice, you wont regret it later?
– No, what regrets?! Take her, I dont want her!
The tiny girl was only a month old. From the very start of the pregnancy, something hadnt seemed right with Liz. Sarah thought the mood swings were just late pregnancy nerves. Her sister had been widowed for over seven years. Her older children had grown up and flown the nest. A trip to Brighton, a whirlwind relationship, and a surprise pregnancy had shocked the whole family. Liz was never one for recklessness. At first, she seemed genuinely happy about the baby. But later, Sarah noticed she would either frantically shop for baby clothes and prams or then clam up for weeks, shutting everyone out as if building herself a fortress.
Just before the birth, Liz disappeared from the family. No calls to her mum, her sister, or her children. Sarah started to worry and found her at the maternity ward, filling out the papers to give the baby up.
– Liz, whats going on? Why?
– I dont know. I dont feel anything. She feels like a stranger.
– A stranger? What are you on about! Shes your baby!
– Not for long! Liz turned to face the wall.
Sarah brought in “the big guns”: she fetched their mum. Liz reluctantly agreed to keep the baby. Their mother insisted Liz stay at her place so the family could help out, though in truth they were all worried about Liz. She looked after the baby, doing everything almost automatically, never spending more time with her daughter than she absolutely had to. The babys name was chosen by her gran, and it was the aunt who carried her around.
– Liz, Ill take her in, raise her myself, but you do realise, one day shell start calling me mum?
– I dont care. As long as its not me.
A week later, the papers were sorted and Sarah officially became her nieces guardian. Liz moved away to Manchester.
Little Alice grew up a whirlwind of energy and mischief, always laughing. She was quick to walk, quick to talk. She called Sarah mum.
Twelve years passed.
– Mum, I got three As today, and were off to the cinema tomorrow with the class, Alice sang out as she burst in after school.
– Is that her?
– Yes, Liz, it is. Please
– Hello! Im Alice, who are you?
A tall girl with big brown eyes was standing at the kitchen door, glancing between the woman at the table and her mum, who looked as pale as a ghost by the window.
– Im Liz. Im your birth mother, Alice.
– I asked you not to! Sarah shot her sister an angry look and rushed to her daughters side. Alice! Ill explain everything!
– No need, mum. Lets hear her out. So, you say youre my mother. And?
– Ive come to take you back. I want you to live with me.
– Why?
– Youre my daughter.
– No, Im not. I have one mum. Shes right here. I dont need another! And Id be happy if this was the first and last time we met. Alice spun on her heel and walked out.
Sarah dropped into a chair, exhausted.
– Was that what you wanted?
– Not yet. But I will get her back, youll see. Ill take it to court if I have to.
– Why all this, Liz? You didnt want her, you gave her up. None of us ever understood it. Now you show up, after all these years, expecting her to run into your arms? Im sorry, Liz, but I think you should go stay with mum now. Well talk later I need to go to Alice.
– To your niece! Liz snapped, standing up.
Sarah just sighed, then went to Alices room and quietly knocked.
– Sweetheart
– Mum, wait. Before you say anything, I want you to know I found out ages ago. Remember when we were clearing out grandmas attic? I found the guardianship papers. At first, I was so angry that you never told me, then I thought about meeting her, asking her why. But then I realised I didnt need any of that. Youre my mum! I dont want anyone else.
– Alice, my darling! No ones taking you away from me.
– I wouldnt let them! Alice burst out laughing. Remember my classmate, Charlie? Call his mum, shes a solicitor and knows all about family law.
– You know, love, dont be in too much of a rush to grow up just yet. All sorted in your head already! Im still the big boss here and your mum, just so you know. Sarah gave a watery laugh and hugged Alice. Well call her. Well sort it all out.
Plenty of stress followed, lawyers, the lot but the court sided with them. Alice was old enough to have a say, and she was adamant she didnt want to live with her birth mother or call her mum.
Afterwards, outside the courthouse, the sisters stood together.
– Thank goodness, its finally over, Sarah breathed, relieved. What will you do now?
– Ill move away, Sarah. I wont interfere. Ill help where I can, dont turn it down. I set up savings for Alice years ago the paperworks with mum.
– Why did you do all of this, Liz? And why did you leave her in the first place?
– There was no love affair, Sarah. Nothing at all. It was a dark park, late at night.
Sarahs breath caught.
– And you said nothing?! All these years, living with it on your own?
– Nothing could be changed. Thats why I kept quiet. I didnt even realise I was pregnant at first thought it was just early menopause, then it was too late. Dont tell Alice. Let her be. Thats my burden, not hers. Maybe, one day, shell forgive me.
Sarah hugged her sister tight, as both glanced over towards Alice, stood with their mum.
– Sometimes, you know, what starts out as the worst thing can turn into something beautiful. Shes so lovely! Liz wiped her eyes, and for the first time in years, Sarah saw her sister smile.
