“All Right Then, Dear Mum! You Have Your Own Home—That’s Where You Belong. Don’t Come Over Unless We Invite You.” My mother lives in a quaint English village, nestled beside a gentle river. A stretch of woodland starts just behind her garden, and in season, we gather bountiful berries and wild mushrooms. Since childhood, I’d run through familiar meadows with a basket, relishing nature’s gifts. I married my schoolmate, whose parents live nearby, just across the lane. Their garden doesn’t have access to the river or the woods, so when we visit from the city, we always stay with my mum. Lately, mum’s changed—perhaps it’s her age, or perhaps jealousy over my husband—leading to holiday visits that spiral into arguments. Peaceful resolutions became rare. Once, when we stayed with my in-laws, mum picked a fight with her own beau over trivial matters. My mother-in-law was so upset, she shouted so loudly the whole lane could hear their long-standing grievances. A month later, once tempers cooled, my husband and I hatched a plan—to build our own home, so no one’s feelings would be hurt and we’d have a place to truly belong. Sorting out the land took ages, but we managed. My in-laws eagerly pitched in; my father-in-law was a constant presence on our building site. But mum was nothing but trouble—coming over, offering unsolicited advice, insulting our progress, making peace impossible. Building the house became a nightmare. A year passed; the house was finished, but relief was short-lived. Mum wouldn’t stop dropping by, accusing us of selfishness and threatening to withdraw her help—forgetting how my husband had always been there to mow her lawn or fix her roof. One day, mum asked: “Why do you even come here anymore? Stay in your city home—when you visit, you’re just flaunting what you have.” That broke my husband’s patience. He calmly approached his mother-in-law, but there was something in his calm that made her edge toward the door. “What are you doing, son-in-law…?” she asked. “Nothing, dear mum! You’ve got your house—so live there. Don’t come here unless we invite you. Let us have a weekend to ourselves now and then. If you need help, call us; if there’s a fire, we’ll come running!” “What do you mean, what fire?” At those words, mum made a hasty exit. I stifled laughter watching her hurry out the gate. My husband, after calming down, raised his hands: “Well, maybe I did go a bit far with the fire comment.” “No, you’re quite right.” We laughed together, recalling the look on mum’s face. Since then, peace has reigned in our new home. Mum no longer pops by, graciously accepts my husband’s help, but only speaks in simple yes or no answers. I suspect she’s still thinking about that imaginary fire.

Nothing, Mum! Youve got your own house. Thats where you live. Dont come round here unless we invite you.

My mother lives in a cosy little village tucked beside a winding river. Theres a dense bit of woodland that stretches just behind her cottage, and when the seasons right, you can gather baskets full of wild berries and mushrooms. Since childhood, Id run through those familiar meadows, my wicker basket swinging, feeling utterly at home with the world around me.

I married an old classmate from the village school; his parents actually live just across the lane from my mother, though their property doesnt reach the river or the woods like hers does. So, whenever my husband and I come down from the city, we always stay with my mum.

But recently Mums changed; whether its her age or maybe jealousy over my stepfather, barely a holiday passes without some row. Its become impossible to find common groundthe smallest thing could spark an argument. Even when we stayed at my in-laws a few times, Mum showed up and managed to quarrel with my mother-in-law about absolutely nothing. That time, my mother-in-law blew her top, her voice echoing down the whole street as she let out years worth of frustration.

A month later, after tempers cooled, my husband and I landed on an idea: we ought to build our own house nearby, where we could just relax, out of everyones crossfire, in a place that was truly ours.

Sorting out land took ages, but in the end, we got something sorted. My in-laws were surprisingly supportive, jumping in to help from the get-go; my father-in-law was at the site every day, his boots muddy, his hands always busy.

The one snag in everything was Mumshed pop over, dish out advice nobody asked for, nitpick every stone and timber as if it were her own house. In a word, she gave us no peace. Building that home, exhausting as it was, became a nightmare.

After a year, the new house finally stood ready, and we hoped we could breathe. Not a chance. Mum kept turning up, accusing us of being selfish, saying wed left her out to dry. She refused to hear that my husband had always helped around her placemowing lawns, patching her roof, doing odd jobs.

One day, Mum looked at me and said:
Why do you even come here? Stay in your precious city. When you do show up, you just flash your success around.

That was the last straw for my husband. He walked over, calm but with an edge in his voice, and my mum, sensing something, started to edge toward the door.
What is it, son-in-law?
Nothing at all, Mum. Youve your own housego enjoy it. Don’t come round unless we ask. Give us just one weekend of peace now and then. If you need help, ring us. If the place burns down, well be over in a flash!
What do you mean? What fire!

At that, Mum almost sprinted out, glancing back as though the house itself might catch an ember. I barely held back laughter, catching my husband’s guilt as he shrugged:
Well perhaps mentioning a fire was a bit much.
No, that was spot on.

We laughed until tears came, remembering the look on Mums face. And, from then onwards, our new house stayed calm and quiet. Mum doesnt call round unexpectedly anymore; she gladly accepts my husbands help, but keeps conversation strictly business. I suppose shes still thinking about fires.

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“All Right Then, Dear Mum! You Have Your Own Home—That’s Where You Belong. Don’t Come Over Unless We Invite You.” My mother lives in a quaint English village, nestled beside a gentle river. A stretch of woodland starts just behind her garden, and in season, we gather bountiful berries and wild mushrooms. Since childhood, I’d run through familiar meadows with a basket, relishing nature’s gifts. I married my schoolmate, whose parents live nearby, just across the lane. Their garden doesn’t have access to the river or the woods, so when we visit from the city, we always stay with my mum. Lately, mum’s changed—perhaps it’s her age, or perhaps jealousy over my husband—leading to holiday visits that spiral into arguments. Peaceful resolutions became rare. Once, when we stayed with my in-laws, mum picked a fight with her own beau over trivial matters. My mother-in-law was so upset, she shouted so loudly the whole lane could hear their long-standing grievances. A month later, once tempers cooled, my husband and I hatched a plan—to build our own home, so no one’s feelings would be hurt and we’d have a place to truly belong. Sorting out the land took ages, but we managed. My in-laws eagerly pitched in; my father-in-law was a constant presence on our building site. But mum was nothing but trouble—coming over, offering unsolicited advice, insulting our progress, making peace impossible. Building the house became a nightmare. A year passed; the house was finished, but relief was short-lived. Mum wouldn’t stop dropping by, accusing us of selfishness and threatening to withdraw her help—forgetting how my husband had always been there to mow her lawn or fix her roof. One day, mum asked: “Why do you even come here anymore? Stay in your city home—when you visit, you’re just flaunting what you have.” That broke my husband’s patience. He calmly approached his mother-in-law, but there was something in his calm that made her edge toward the door. “What are you doing, son-in-law…?” she asked. “Nothing, dear mum! You’ve got your house—so live there. Don’t come here unless we invite you. Let us have a weekend to ourselves now and then. If you need help, call us; if there’s a fire, we’ll come running!” “What do you mean, what fire?” At those words, mum made a hasty exit. I stifled laughter watching her hurry out the gate. My husband, after calming down, raised his hands: “Well, maybe I did go a bit far with the fire comment.” “No, you’re quite right.” We laughed together, recalling the look on mum’s face. Since then, peace has reigned in our new home. Mum no longer pops by, graciously accepts my husband’s help, but only speaks in simple yes or no answers. I suspect she’s still thinking about that imaginary fire.