After years of being the dependable daughter, one family evening has left me feeling unnecessary.
My sister has always been Mum’s favourite.
I was the calm, sensible onethe one who never caused trouble.
When Dad passed away, I stayed with Mum.
My sister already lived with her husband and would only visit on Sundays.
I pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, and carry firewood during winter.
After work, I stop by Mum’s flat, unlock the door with the spare key, and let some fresh air in the rooms.
Mum insists shes capable on her own, but she never refuses my help.
My sister always says Im the strong one.
Last month, Mum decided to bring the family together for dinner.
Its Sunday. The table is set with the white tablecloth she’s cherished for years.
My sister and her husband arrive with a big cake.
Mum smiles as soon as they walk in.
I bring a salad and a loaf of bread.
No one seems to notice.
During dinner, Mum starts talking about the future.
She says we should plan for the flat, so there arent arguments later.
My sister nods seriously.
I quietly keep slicing the tomatoes on my plate.
Mum announces shes decided the flat will go to my sister.
Her reason: my sister has a child and needs it more.
At that moment, my sisters husband puts his hand on her shoulder.
My sister lowers her head, looking embarrassed.
Im left holding the knife mid-air.
I wasnt expecting a reward, but I thought thered at least be a conversation.
I ask calmly why Mum didnt speak to me about it beforehand.
Mum says theres no point, because Im always understanding.
Those words hit me harder than the decision itself.
Does being understanding mean you dont matter?
Mum carries on, explaining that Im independent, I have a job, Ill be fine.
My sister remains silent.
Dinner continues as if nothing happened.
I can hear the clock ticking in the lounge.
Once everyone has left, I stay behind to wash the dishes.
Mum sits on the chair by the window.
I ask her if shes ever thought that I might need security too.
Mum sighs and says Im strong, and strong people dont need things.
Thats when I realised that all these years, I wasnt the good one or the loved oneI was just convenient.
The next day, I dont stop by Mums flat.
The phone rings twice.
Mum asks if Im alright.
I say Im fine, but I wont be able to come every day anymore.
Mum goes quiet.
My sister rings later and says I shouldnt be upset.
Im not angry.
Im tired.
For years Ive prioritised everyone elses needs before my own.
For years Ive heard that Ill manage.
Now I come home to my own flat, leave the dishes in the sink till morning if Im exhausted.
I buy myself flowers for no reason.
When Mum wants something, I ask my sister if she can go.
Sometimes my sister says shes busy.
Thats when I understand that the burden wasnt really shared, it was assumedand I took it on alone.
I havent cut my Mum out of my life.
Ive just stopped being always available out of habit.
Mum speaks to me more gently now.
My sister now offers to help.
I dont know if itll change Mums decision about the flat.
But something has changed in me.
Ive realised that being strong doesnt mean youre voiceless.
And when everyone relies on you, sometimes you need to step back so they can see how much you carry.
Is it wrong to set boundaries with my Mum, even if it disappoints her?
