Today has left me feeling utterly defeated, and I need to set my thoughts straight in this diary. My daughter and I are scraping by on the child support my ex-husband, Richard, provides. It all feels so wronghes the very reason Im unable to find steady work. He always meddles, using his influence to make sure every potential employer turns me away. Even when I do find a position, not long passes before Im dismissed without any explanation. They never need to say whyIve pieced it all together myself.
All this trouble began the moment I filed for divorce. I simply couldnt continue living with him any longer. All I wanted was to leave quietly, without a row or any fuss, but that wasnt to be. Richard dug his heels in and fought me at every turn.
After the divorce was final, my daughter and I went to stay with Mum and Dad in Manchester for a while. While Mum kept an eye on my daughter, Sophie, I started looking for work. Truthfully, I had practically no experience aside from a short stint as a cashier a few years back, so my options werent many. Meanwhile, Richard oversaw a large chain of shops and used his network to block any opportunity I found.
I applied everywhere in town, to every shop in Manchester I could think of, but every time Id either be rejected outright or let go shortly after starting. Richard would just give that insufferable smirk and claim he had nothing to do with it, blaming my lack of experience and education instead. He pays us such a pittance in child supportbarely anything, considering his more than generous salary. Mum and I have to pool together my tiny payments with her pension just to keep up with bills and put groceries on the table for Sophie. Its a struggle to afford even the essentials.
Every time Richard pops by to visit Sophie, he uses the chance to belittle me. In front of her, hell sneer that her useless mother left him and is now dooming her to a life without proper meals or fancy toys, making himself out to be the kind, generous dad. Then he hands Sophie a wad of cash to really drive the point home before breezing out. I tried for so long to ignore it, but shes still just a child and doesnt understand. She wonders why Daddy has money for treats and I dont. Lately, shes even started saying shed rather live with him: Daddys so lovely and buys me whatever I want. Youre mean, MummyI want to be with Daddy!
It breaks my heart, and most days I dont know how much more I can take before I fall apart completely. Mum does her best to reassure me that this will pass, that Sophie and I will find our way eventually, but I cant muster the same hope. Richard knows my every weakness and never hesitates to twist the knife. Im trapped, with no idea how to go on from here.
