After those words, should I still sit here, pretend everything’s fine and keep smiling? No, enjoy the party without me! With a slam, Natalie threw the bedroom door shut.
I awoke this morning far earlier than usual. Even before opening my eyes I remembered: today I turn forty. Once that number seemed distant, almost unreachable. Now I meet it every day in the mirrorlines around my eyes, a hint of fatigue in my gaze.
Beside me, Simon slept soundly. He didnt stir when Natalie slipped out from under the covers. He was deep in his dreams, while my own excitement dwindled a little each year. She glanced at the clock: 5:30am. Plenty still to do before the guests arrive.
Quietly closing the bedroom door, Natalie headed for the kitchen. Today our flat was meant to become the meeting point of two worldsher family and Simons friends. Years have passed and the feeling of true togetherness never quite materialised. Her old school friends have faded into the background, while Simons circle remains the same familiar faces and the same old topics.
She brewed a pot of tea and opened the fridge. The night before she had been up late preparing meat in a marinade, chopping vegetables, and premixing salad ingredients. Now everything had to be turned into a proper birthday spread. Usually wed order in or head to a restaurant, but this anniversary called for a cosy home atmosphere, warmth, something personal.
Mate, do you have two pounds? a voice called from the kitchen doorway.
Sixteenyearold Kieran stood there, dishevelled but already in jeans and a Tshirt.
Where are you off to so early? Natalie asked, pulling a note from her wallet.
Were planning a bike ride with the lads. Early, so we dont get scorched. Ill be back in the evening, just in time for the party.
Kieran, you remember what today is?
He thought for a moment, then smiled sheepishly.
Your birthday, of course. I just didnt want to wake you up Ill greet you later.
Would you stay and help me? Theres still so much to do
He hesitated.
Love, we agreed earlier. Ill be back in time. Isnt Poppy coming to help?
Shes still at the country house with a friend. She should be back before six.
Right you always manage everything anyway, he shrugged.
Natalie sighed. She used to take pride in holding everything together, but now it only wore her down.
Just go then, but be home in time.
Kieran gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and vanished. A few seconds later the front door slammed.
By nine oclock Natalie was fully immersed in the preparations. The oven was heating for the roast, vegetables waited on the board, and the cheese cake batter rested under a towel. The air was scented with fresh coffee and herbs.
Morning, Simon announced, appearing in the kitchen in his wellworn trainers. What are you up to this early?
How else? she replied coolly. The guests are due at six. Theres a mountain of work.
You could have slept a bit longer. Its your day, after all. He poured himself a mug of tea and added, Happy birthday, by the way.
He leaned in and brushed his thumb against her cheek. A faint trace of his cologne and mint lingered.
Thanks, Natalie said, hoping for at least a small gesture, a present, or a simple, How can I help?
Simon was already scrolling through his phone at the table.
Youre off work today? she asked, cracking eggs.
No, its a day off. Sometimes you have to do a bit at home.
Great. So will you help me set the table?
Easy enough. Just let me finish the news, he muttered without looking up.
Three hours later Simon shuffled into the living room, his attention captured by a football match that he narrated with animated comments. Natalie, in silence, kept chopping, mixing, whisking, and baking. She thought, Forty years. This is how Im marking the day
Exactly at three, the doorbell rang. She wiped her hands on a towel and went to answer it. On the doorstep stood her younger sister, Emily, holding a bouquet of red carnations.
Happy birthday, love! Emily said, hugging Natalie with one arm. I thought Id get here early to lend a hand. Still cooking?
Ive been on my feet since dawn, Natalie replied, ushering her inside. Were expecting guests at six, but its lovely to see you.
Emily glanced at Natalies plain tee and faded jeans. Wheres the fancy outfit?
What outfit? Natalie sighed, waving a hand. The salads arent finished, the cake isnt decorated, the table isnt set
Got it, Emily said seriously, surveying the kitchen. She turned back to the hallway. And Simon? Is he clueless?
He is occupied.
From the living room came a muffled shout, What are you doing, you lazybones! Get moving!
Emily muttered, Fine, Ill free him up. She strode confidently into the living room. I heard her urging Simon, but didnt pay much attention. Soon Simon emerged, looking a bit grim.
Whats needed? he growled.
Could you set the table in the lounge? Natalie said calmly. Emily, could you help him with the dishes, please?
The next few hours passed without major quarrels. Simon, though reluctant, followed Emilys instructions. He occasionally disappeared into the television, but generally contributed. By fivepm the major tasks were done. Natalie finally felt the exhaustion settle in: her shoulders ached, her legs ached, and the evenings celebrations still lay ahead.
Go change, Emily said gently, nudging her from the kitchen. Ill manage here.
Natalie walked to the bedroom. In the wardrobe waited a new darkblue dress, bought especially for the occasionelegant, with a lovely cut. Yet she lacked the energy and desire for makeup or a fancy hairstyle. She pulled out her usual black work dress, freshened her face, tinted her lips, and returned to the doorway just as guests began to arrive.
By six, the flat was full of peopleparents, longtime friends of the couple, Simons colleagues, and a few children. Poppy brought a stylish cake from a boutique bakery, and Kieran handed over a card hed bought on the way home.
Natalie greeted each guest with a strained smile. Her head buzzed; she couldnt even slip away for a quick pilleveryone kept asking for something. Then Simon suddenly became lively: joking, pouring drinks generously, and, dramatically, hugging Natalie each time someone raised a toast in her honour.
Finally everyone sat down. Natalie served the main dishher signature roast.
Nat, maybe we dont need that many salads, Simon whispered as she plated the potato salad. Theres already enough mayo. Youve been overdoing it lately He didnt finish, but his glance at her waist said more than words. Her cheeks flushed. Emily, sitting nearby, shot a quick look at him.
The meat turned out a bit dry, Simon announced loudly, cutting a slice. Probably overcooked it.
Its perfect, Natalies mother interjected.
Im not being cruel, Simon raised his hands. Just last time it was juicier.
Natalie said nothing, chewing silently, staring at her plate. The evening, meant to be cosy, felt like another humiliation under watchful eyes.
Toasts came one after anothercareer growth, beauty, youth, health, patience. Eventually Simon stood, lifted his glass, and addressed the room:
I want to wish my wife a happy fortieth. That age is serious business. But Natalie is holding up wonderfully. For her age, shes still well, you know.
A confused chuckle rippled through the guests.
though she could take a bit more care of herself, he added, keeping his smug grin. But we love you anyway. Heres to you, love!
Silence fell. Glasses were raised reluctantly, smiles tight. Most turned their eyes away; no one wanted to meet Natalies gaze. She sat rigid, staring at the tablecloth. Something long suppressed rose to the surface.
She stood slowly.
Thank you for the wishes, she said quietly and left the room.
In the hallway, murmurs turned into ordinary chatter. No one followed hernot even Simon.
She stood before the bedroom mirror. In the reflection was a tired woman, eyes dulled, hair dishevelled, an everyday look. When had she stopped being herself? How had she allowed it?
As if in another world, she opened the wardrobe and retrieved the darkblue dress shed kept for this night. She slipped it on, adjusted the neckline, dusted off the earrings Simon had given her years ago when his words were still loving, not reproachful. She pulled on the pair of heeled shoes shed worn at her wedding; they still fit perfectly.
She grabbed her phone and dialed a familiar number.
Hey, its me. Its my birthday I know its sudden, but could we meet? I dont want to be alone tonight. Meet me at The Ivy in half an hour? She booked a table.
She finished the call, looked once more into the mirror. There stood a different Nataliestraightbacked, cleareyed, a faint smile tugging at her lips. Confidence was returning.
When she stepped back into the living room, everyone fell silent. Eyes turned toward her. Simon stood, startled.
Wow, look at you! he exclaimed. Now thats a proper birthday look. Why didnt you change earlier? Come over here!
For the first time that day Natalie smiled genuinely.
No, Simon, Im not staying, she said.
What? Why? he blurted.
After all thats been said, should I sit here and pretend Im delighted? No. Ive decided to spend this day my way. A taxi will be here in a few minutes. Im heading to the restaurant with a friend.
You cant be serious! That was a joke, wasnt it? Simon waved his hands, looking at the guests for support.
In every joke Natalie began, then stopped. Never mind. Im leaving. Thank you all, have a lovely evening.
She turned and walked toward the door. Emily caught up with her in the hallway.
Nat, maybe you shouldnt? Emily whispered. He didnt mean to hurt you
Natalie, I said calmly, meeting her eyes, Ive heard those words for sixteen years. Maybe he truly didnt intend it. But Im done tolerating this, especially on my own day.
I hugged her tightly and we stepped out.
The stairwell was quiet and cool. As I descended, each step felt like shedding a weight; breathing became easier. The protective shell Id built crumbled, and nothing held me back.
What lies ahead, I do not know. Perhaps Simon will finally understand. Perhaps not. But at forty, I felt alive for the first time in years.
Outside, the evening air was gentle. A taxi waited at the curb. I got in, gave the address, and the phone in my bag buzzed with a message from Simon. I didnt look; I simply turned off the ringtone.
This night belonged only to me, and only I could decide how to live it.
Lesson learned: you cannot keep living for others expectations; true freedom comes when you choose your own path.
