After 19 years of marriage and two children, Simon left for a younger colleague!
He is no longer my husband
I write this letter because I can no longer hold back the pain.
I am 42 years old, and two weeks ago, my world crumbled.
My husband, with whom I shared 19 years and who is the father of our children, simply said:
— I’m leaving.
I couldn’t even ask a question before he added:
— There’s someone else. Her name is Emily; she’s 28, and she’s expecting my child.
I stood there, unable to move.
I thought I must have misheard. This couldn’t be my Simon, the person I loved, the one I shared every day and every joy and pain with.
But it was him.
He spoke calmly, as if he were telling me he was going out to buy bread.
And suddenly, I realized: I hadn’t noticed a thing.
Two years of deceit
It turned out he had been seeing her for two years.
And I…
I waited for him with dinner.
I ironed his shirts to keep them fresh and neat.
I worried about why he wasn’t spending time with the children anymore.
I fretted over why he was contributing less at home.
I blamed everything on his workload, his job, his exhaustion.
I made excuses for him when he canceled family trips.
I never even questioned why he’d stopped touching me.
But now everything made sense.
He just didn’t love me anymore.
And I was the last to know the truth.
How blind I was!
When I returned home from a visit to my family with the kids, I saw him for who he truly was for the first time.
He was different.
He wouldn’t meet my eyes.
He didn’t want to talk.
He didn’t even want to touch me.
I could feel a chasm between us.
Then came that day.
I smelled a fragrance on his shirt that wasn’t mine.
It was my perfume.
Except I hadn’t worn it.
That day, I’d only used deodorant.
I looked at him, feeling everything inside me tighten.
In the evening, I saw lipstick marks on his collar.
And then everything became undeniably clear.
He didn’t even try to make excuses.
He simply said:
— I love her. I don’t want to lie anymore. We need to separate.
I tried to remind him of everything we’d shared.
About our children.
About the 19 years we’d spent together.
About how Emily could be his daughter.
But he’d already made his decision.
He wanted a new life.
Without me.
I don’t want this divorce!
Two days later, we went to a solicitor.
Simon wanted “a quick and uncomplicated divorce.”
But what if I don’t want this?
What if I’m not ready to fall asleep alone on the cold side of the bed?
What if I still love him?
Will he ever realize he made a mistake?
Emily doesn’t know that he loves shepherd’s pie the most.
She doesn’t know that his favorite shirts are light blue.
She isn’t aware yet that he has back problems and can’t sit on a soft couch.
But one day she’ll find out.
And one day, he’ll realize it too.
I know that he will regret this.
But I also know that if he ever comes back, I’ll never be able to forget his betrayal.
Those nights, those tears, that feeling of being discarded like something unwanted.
All I can do is wait for the pain to fade.
Someday, I’ll be able to sleep without tears again.
Someday, I’ll wake up and realize I no longer love him.
I just hope that day comes before the children return from their holiday.
Because I have to be strong.
For them.
