After 19 years of marriage and two children: Dave left for a younger colleague!
He’s not my husband anymore
I am writing this letter because I can no longer hold back the pain.
I am 42 years old, and two weeks ago, my world fell apart.
My husband, with whom I’ve spent 19 years, the father of our children, simply said:
— I’m leaving.
I barely had time to ask anything before he added:
— There’s someone else. Her name is Chloe, she’s 28, and she’s expecting my child.
I stood there, unable to move.
I felt as if I had misheard. That this wasn’t my Dave, not the person I loved, with whom I shared every day, every joy, every sorrow.
But it was him.
He spoke calmly, as if he were telling me he was going out to buy bread.
And then I suddenly realized: I had seen nothing.
Two years of deception
It turned out he had been seeing her for two years.
And I…
I waited for him with dinner.
I ironed his shirts so they would always be fresh and neat.
I worried why he no longer spent time with the kids.
I wondered why he helped so little around the house.
I blamed everything on his busy schedule, his work, his fatigue.
I made excuses for him when he canceled family trips.
I didn’t even think about why he had stopped touching me.
But now everything fell into place.
He simply didn’t love me anymore.
And I was the last to know the truth.
How blind I was!
When I returned home from a trip with the children to see my parents, I saw him for the first time for who he really was.
He was different.
He didn’t look me in the eye.
He didn’t want to talk.
He didn’t even want to touch me.
I felt a chasm between us.
And then came that day.
I noticed a scent on his shirt that was unfamiliar.
It was my perfume.
Except I hadn’t used it.
That day, I had only worn deodorant.
I looked at him, and I felt my insides clench.
And in the evening, I saw lipstick marks on his collar, not mine.
That’s when everything became crystal clear.
He didn’t even bother to make excuses.
Simply said:
—I love her. I don’t want to lie anymore. We need to part ways.
I tried reminding him of everything we had.
About our children.
About the 19 years we had spent together.
About how Chloe could be his daughter.
But he had already made his decision.
He wanted a new life.
Without me.
I don’t want this divorce!
Two days later, we went to the solicitor.
Dave wanted to “divorce quickly and without unnecessary fuss.”
But what if I don’t want this?
What if I’m not ready to fall asleep alone on the cold side of the bed?
What if I still love him?
Will he ever realize he’s making a mistake?
Chloe doesn’t know he loves shepherd’s pie the most.
She doesn’t know his favorite shirts are light blue.
She hasn’t yet discovered he has back problems and shouldn’t sit on a soft couch.
But someday she will.
And someday he will.
I know he’ll regret it.
But I also know that if he ever comes back, I will never be able to forget his betrayal.
Those nights, those tears, the feeling of being discarded like an unwanted thing.
All I can do is wait for the pain to subside.
Someday I will be able to sleep through the night without tears again.
Someday I will wake up and realize I don’t love him anymore.
I just hope that day comes before the kids return from their holiday.
Because I have to be strong.
For them.
