My husband, Robert Thompson, and I have only one child, a grownup son named James Wilson. Hes already married with two children of his own, so we have become grandparents. We live in a modest terraced house in Manchester.
I was raised in the years after the war, when Britain was still rebuilding and everyone expected a woman to be married and have children as soon as she could. Being childless then was almost as scandalous as catching the plague.
When James finally came along, we thought one child would be enough. As sensible people we knew that raising a child costs a great deal, and the more children you have, the more money you need.
So we devoted ourselves to giving James a good education and a stable start in life. He, however, had other ideas. Not long after his wedding, his wife Ethel became pregnant and their first grandchild was born. The young couple had no flat of their own, so they took out a mortgage on a small council house. We helped them meet the monthly repayments, and soon after Ethel announced she was expecting a second baby.
I asked how they could possibly feed two children and still pay off the mortgage. They brushed me off, insisting they would manage, and I told them, If you can do it, good for you.
For a while they did manage, but then Ethel fell ill and could no longer work, and James lost his job at the factory. With no income, what could they do? They asked to move into the spare room of our rented flat. Robert said he would support the young couple by covering the mortgage for a year, and we began paying their loan in full each month, thinking we were doing a great service.
It turned out we were not helping at all. I recently discovered that the mortgage was still six months behind schedule. Where had the money gone? Robert is furious and says he has no strength left for this, and I am at a loss for words. We tried to be generous, yet they seem to have taken advantage of our kindness and are now leaning on us with no sign of gratitude.
All this has taught me that goodwill must be paired with clear boundaries; otherwise even the best intentions can become a burden.
