A week before the 8th of March, I barely stumbled out of the courtroom. Tears blurred my vision. There was only one sentence echoing in my mind: “you’re no longer husband and wife.”
A week before the 8th of March, I barely managed to leave the courtroom. My eyes were streaming, blinding me to everything around me. The only thought running endlessly through my head was, “you’re no longer husband and wife.” Why did he do this to me? What have I done to deserve such punishment?
I got married when I was just eighteen. It was a passionate love: endless nights, a feeling as if I werent really living, but floating above the ground. We made it through five wonderful years together, five years in which I felt cherished and adored. I did everything I could to make him happy: bringing him breakfast in bed, cooking all his favouritesnothing elseand always keeping the house tidy and spotless.
Sadly, his parents never truly accepted me. They always insisted I wasnt good enough for their son and often said theyd find him a better wife. It was clear to me that this had an effect on my husband. I watched as, little by little, he began to change his attitude towards me. He became distant, critical, and kept me at arms length.
Our son was five at the time. At first, my husband adored him, showering him with affection, but slowly his behaviour cooled. I suspect it was down to my in-laws, who started whispering that the boy wasnt really his, even though the resemblance was unmistakable. My husband began to spend more time with his parents, almost moving in with them. Whenever he came home, he was always sulking or shouting at me. I tried my hardest to do everything right, to look after myself, him, and our home.
One evening, my husband was so furious, he actually struck me in his rage. I could hardly believe it was happening, but even then, I still hoped things would work out. But it wasnt long before he simply announced that hed had enough and was leaving us. Just like that, he walked away from me and our little boy. I begged him to reconsider, to give our family another chance, but he wouldnt even listen.
I still loved him, even after our divorce. I honestly couldnt picture life without him. Even now, he only pays a tiny amount of child support and he demands receipts for every single penny I spendevery time I buy a loaf of bread, I have to scan the receipt and send it to him. I have to plead for money from my ex-husband, who doesnt seem to care at all about providing for his own child.
My ex-husband rarely visits our son, and on the rare occasion he takes him away for a day or two, our boy always senses the coldness and doesnt want to go. My ex is furioushe thinks Im turning our son against him. I just cant come to terms with our break-up and I still cry every day. Since he left, Ive lost weight and developed depression. I end up raising my voice to my son, even though I know I shouldnt.
How do I keep going when my heart is broken? Every day, I find myself scrolling through my ex-husbands social media, keeping tabs on his new life. Thats how I found out hes planning to marry someone elseit crushed me all over again.
Now I understand why he barely visits anymore and why our son doesnt want much to do with him either. My head knows its over between us, but my heart just cant accept it. How am I supposed to cope?
