So, I dated this bloke named James. He was honestly a really decent guy, kind of old-fashioned in his ways and a big believer in love. Hed always walk his friends kids to school, feed stray cats on the way, that sort of thing. He was attractive too, had his own place in London, a nice car, and a solid job at a respectable company.
I genuinely thought Id hit the jackpot when he chose me as his fiancée. At the time, I felt like the luckiest woman in England. My friends were all a bit envious, to be honest, and theyd say in unison, Hang on to him, dont let a man like that slip away.
So I tried really hard not to mess things up, and he seemed just as committed to me. But honestly, my happiness didnt last as long as Id hoped.
One day, James came home looking absolutely grim and wouldnt even meet my eyes. I kept asking what was wrong, and after ages, he finally admitted that hed met my ex-husband. Total coincidence, he said. For the record, I had zero contact with my ex. Id never even shown James a photo, so he actually had no idea what my ex looked like. Makes me wonder if it was such a coincidence after all, or if hed gone out of his way to bump into him. Either way, that meeting was just the tip of the iceberg.
Lets just say, even if I believe the two of them met by chance and James somehow recognised him, the weird bit is that James went straight over to him and started up a chat. They had a smoke together and, of course, the conversation quickly shifted to me. I never hid anything from James, so I couldnt help but wonder what theyd be talking about. Honestly, saying I was shocked doesnt even come close. My soon-to-be husband admitted he probably shouldnt have done it. Turns out, hed grilled my ex about what I was like, what my character was, why our marriage ended the whole works.
I just burst into tears. It felt like such a betrayal, him going off to meet my ex and getting details from him of all people. I mean, Im right here he can ask me whatever he wants. Is that normal behaviour? Is it okay to do that? Why, James?
My ex apparently told him all sorts of rubbish about me. And then James came and started asking if any of it was true. Why on earth should I have to defend myself over things that never even happened? Some bloke spouts nonsense and suddenly its on me to explain?
And in that moment, I realised I couldnt respect James anymore. I get it when grannies are sat on benches gossiping and judging everyone thats just what they do. But you, a grown man, rummaging around behind my back for dirt? You asked me to be your wife; we live together. Ive never given you a single reason not to trust me. The whole thing just felt so low and grubby to me that I instantly lost any desire to be with him. I dont think theres any excuse for what he did. And I just couldnt forgive that sort of betrayal.
I always figured that if someone ever said something nasty about a mans girlfriend, at the very least hed be really annoyed, and at worst, thered be an argument. But deliberately hunting down exes and quizzing them about your partner behind her back that just blows my mind.
So yeah, perfect fiancé James turned out to be properly disappointing in the end. And it hit me what the older generation always used to say that respect needs to come first in a relationship. Ive never been one for extremes, but blokes who gossip? Thats just too much for me. Men can have weak moments, cry, be stubborn, make mistakes I can understand all that. But acting like a busybody and believing every bit of gossip? Never.
