A man walked into his home and was taken aback…
Half a year earlier, his niece gave him a tiny kitten named Bullet. She’d found the little guy on the street during one of her family visits. Handing the kitten over, she said,
“You live alone. Haven’t found a partner yet. Your job is stressful, being a bus driver and all. Coming home to a warm welcome would be nice. Cats bring a sense of comfort and peace…”
The man thought, “Why not? It might be true.” Coming home frazzled from passengers and drivers not willing to give way, it sounded lovely to think of a kitten lounging peacefully on the couch. One that would meow, purr, climb into his lap, and enjoy being petted.
But, ladies and gentlemen, due to his inexperience, he was mistaken. The cat did not meet his expectations. From an obedient and delightful little kitten, it morphed into a mischievous adolescent. Sitting in laps and being petted was not on Bullet’s agenda. But playing around? As much as you want!
In his inexperience, the man had bought a fly swatter and would swat flies—either the small nimble ones or the large ones, which he called horseflies for some reason. Bullet watched him carefully, keen on gathering all the information. One day, Bullet decided to impress his human. And oh, he did…
So, let’s return to where we started.
***
The man entered his home and gasped. Nothing! Absolutely nothing was where it used to be in his apartment. The mess was such that it seemed as though two gangs had a brawl inside, wielding bats, no less! Chairs were overturned. Vases, glasses, and everything that used to be on tables, windowsills, and nightstands now covered the floor, distributing shards of glass, clay, and plastic evenly.
The curtains resembled strips of a fashionista’s skirt; in the kitchen… Ketchup cascaded into pickled tomatoes and jam. Neatly piled were salt, sugar, and pepper. Forks and spoons lay in little heaps. The kitchen curtains had fallen along with their rods and were part of the chaos. And on the completely empty dining table, sat a very pleased Bullet with a fly. An enormous one, like an airplane. Bullet eyed his human triumphantly, purring with satisfaction.
Surely, the human would praise him now. All day long, Bullet had tirelessly chased down that cheeky fly. He was exhausted, but victorious! He could finally present it and receive a well-earned reward. The pleasing thought made Bullet knead the air with his paws.
The man picked up a chair and sat down. He didn’t know where to start—cleaning, eating dinner, or scolding Bullet—but he didn’t ponder for long. The doorbell rang. He rose, walked to the hallway and opened the door. To his even greater surprise, three police officers stood there, accompanied by about ten neighbors. The officers had their hands resting on their gun grips.
“We received a call…” started one of them.
“Repeated calls,” added another. “They mentioned something awful happening in your apartment: furniture falling, dishes shattering, and horrendous screams and howls. Could we enter to make sure everything’s alright? And please, just in case, could you put your hands on your head and step into the far corner of the room?”
Neighbors looked at the man with fear and dismay.
“Oh, I see,” said the man. He continued, “Please, come in!”
He retreated to the far corner of the room, arms crossed on his head. The officers inspected the apartment, observing the chaotic disarray, searching from room to room.
“What are you looking for?” the man inquired.
“A body,” one officer replied. “And your explanation of all this.”
“A body! I’ll show you a body,” the man agreed. The police officers instantly became alert, their hands moving to their weapons. Cautiously, the man edged along the wall, avoiding sudden movements as he made his way to the kitchen. Flinging the door wide open, he made a sweeping gesture.
“There you go!” he said. “Here’s the body.”
The officers shouldered past him into the kitchen. There sat the “body” on the table, grinning cheekily. It basked in their attention, as an enormous fly lay before it. For a few seconds, silent disbelief filled the room as the officers collected themselves and assessed the situation. Then understanding dawned in their eyes. The officer who had started speaking was the first to laugh, followed swiftly by the others.
Their laughter was contagious and unstoppable, and Bullet gazed at them and the man proudly, as if to say, “See? Everyone’s thrilled, so my efforts were justified!”
The officers spent the next half-hour posing for pictures with Bullet and the giant fly amidst the wreckage. Everyone laughed and felt pleased. Most of all, Bullet was delighted. After all, his efforts were duly appreciated.
***
After the police and neighbors departed, the man sat back down on the chair.
“Let me help you,” he heard a voice say as he turned.
It was the woman from the first floor.
“I’m off work today,” she smiled. “You’ll be at it all night alone, but we can tidy up quickly together.”
“I feel bad imposing,” the man hesitated.
“Don’t be!” she chuckled. “It’s fine. I’ve nothing else to do. It’s just me. My mom lives nearby. Are you going to punish that rascal or at least scold him?” she asked, nodding at Bullet, who sat on the kitchen table batting at the huge fly with his paw.
“Well, scold him…” sighed the man. “Alright, let me scold him now…”
He approached Bullet, lifting him into his arms:
“You rascal! Is this how you behave? No, you shouldn’t.”
Bullet kneaded his paws—his human was scolding him. But the scolding was so gentle and affectionate that Bullet couldn’t resist reaching up to lick the man’s left cheek, and the man… kissed his nose.
“Well done. You understand well then. Don’t do that again,” he told Bullet, setting him down.
Bullet proudly raised his tail, winding around the woman’s legs. She laughed.
“That’s a fine way to scold,” she smirked. “Why haven’t I noticed you before?”
“I don’t know,” the man replied. “Maybe because I was unhappy before, but ever since Bullet came along, I’ve had more happiness.”
He gestured to the chaos created by Bullet.
The woman called a familiar handyman, and by the next day, strong fine-mesh screens were fitted on all windows. Bullet could comfortably lounge on the windowsill, watching birds and those plump, pesky flies.
Together, the man and woman cleared the mess, discarded all broken dishes, cleaned the floors, and took down the torn curtains. They drove to the shops to choose new ones.
By evening, they returned, and the man had stocked up on nibbles and bought a delicious cake. Along with champagne. You understand, ladies and gentlemen, to celebrate the new beginning. In his old apartment. With the woman.
They sat at the kitchen table, eating, drinking, and chatting. It felt delightful, especially to Bullet. Resting on the woman’s lap, he schemed… another way to help his human.
***
All in all, things ended splendidly. Bullet, of course, eagerly assists the two of them. His human and the new woman, who came to their apartment all because she spotted Bullet and recognized him as her very own dear cat.
Now both the man and the woman manage the aftermath of his “assistance.”
What do you expect?
Isn’t that just how it is?
It can only be this way…
