**Belated Farewell: A Goodbye on the Way Home**
After kissing his lover tenderly goodbye, Philip Cardwell slid into his car and drove home. He paused for a moment outside the building, drawing a deep breath, rehearsing the words hed say to his wife. Up the stairs he went, unlocking the door.
“Hello,” said Philip. “Elaine, are you home?”
“I am,” replied his wife, flatly. “Hello. Right then, shall I fry the chops?”
Philip had promised himself hed be direct, firm, no beating around the busha man of decision! It was time to end this double life while the warmth of his lovers lips still lingered, before routine swallowed him whole again.
“Elaine,” Philip coughed, steadying his voice. “Ive come to tell you we must separate.”
The news was met with unsettling calm. Elaine wasnt one to lose her composure. Years ago, Philip had even nicknamed her “Elaine the Ice Queen” for it.
“What do you mean?” she asked, pausing at the kitchen door. “Shant I fry the chops?”
“Thats up to you,” said Philip. “Fry them or dont. Im leaving. For another woman.”
Most wives would respond with furya skillet hurled at their husbands head, perhaps. But Elaine wasnt most wives.
“Oh, what a tragedy,” she murmured. “Did you fetch my boots from the cobblers?”
“No,” Philip admitted, thrown. “If its so important, Ill go now!”
“Look here” Elaine muttered. “Thats you all over, Philip. Send a fool for your boots, and he brings you the old ones.”
Philip was offended. The dramatic scene hed imagined was crumbling. Where were the tears, the shouting, the righteous fury? But what else did he expect from a woman as cold-blooded as Elaine the Ice Queen?
“I dont think youre listening, Elaine!” he snapped, raising his voice. “Im telling you Im leaving you for another woman, and youre going on about boots!”
“Precisely,” replied Elaine. “Unlike me, you can go wherever you like. Your boots arent at the cobblers. Whats stopping you?”
Years together, yet Philip could never tell when Elaine was serious or mocking. In the beginning, it was that very calm, that restraint, that had drawn him in. Not to mention her steady beauty, her practical ways.
Elaine was solid, loyal, unshakable as a slab of granite. But now Philip loved another. Loved with passion, sin, and sweetness! Time to cut ties and start anew.
“So, Elaine,” Philip declared, solemn yet faintly wounded. “Im grateful for everything, but Im leaving. I love another. I dont love you anymore.”
“Marvellous,” said Elaine, not raising her voice. “Doesnt love me, poor lamb. My mother fancied the neighbour, my father adored dominoes and whisky. And look what a brilliant woman I turned out to be.”
Arguing with Elaine was useless. Every word she spoke weighed like stone. His fervour dimmed; the fight drained from him.
“Elaine, you really are brilliant,” Philip said bitterly. “But I love someone else. Love her with passion, sin, and sweetness. Im leaving, understand?”
“Who is she?” asked his wife. “Not Emily Marsh, surely?”
Philip stiffened. A year ago, hed had a fling with Emilybut how did Elaine know her?
“How do you know about her?” he began, then cut himself off. “Never mind. No, Elaine, its not Marsh.”
Elaine yawned.
“Then its Sarah Wainwright? You chased after her?”
A shiver ran down Philips spine. Sarah had been a mistress too, but that was in the past. If Elaine knew, why had she never said anything? Of courseshe was a fortress, revealing nothing.
“Wrong again,” Philip insisted. “Not Wainwright, not Marsh. Another woman, wonderful, the love of my life. I cant live without her, and Im leaving. Dont try to stop me!”
“Then it must be Lucy,” concluded Elaine. “Oh, Philip, Philip you really are a fool. Your great secret. The love of your lifeLucy Venton, thirty-five, one child, two miscarriages Am I right?”
Philip clutched his head. Shed hit the mark! His affair was indeed with Lucy.
“Buthow?” he stammered. “Who told you? Have you been spying?”
“Elementary, Philip,” replied Elaine. “You know Ive been a gynaecologist for years. Ive examined half the women in this town, while youve only known a handful. One look tells me where youve been, you idiot!”
Philip exhaled, scrambling for dignity.
“Suppose youre right!” he declared haughtily. “Even if it is Lucy, nothing changes. Im leaving.”
“You really are stupid, Philip,” Elaine sighed. “You couldve just asked. Besides, theres nothing special about hershes just like the rest, medically speaking. Seen your darlings health records?”
“N-no,” he admitted.
“Right. First, get in the shower. Second, Ill ring Dr. Gasper to see you tomorrow without delay. Then well talk. The shamea gynaecologists husband choosing an unhealthy woman!”
“What do I do?” Philip whined.
“Ill fry the chops,” said Elaine, turning away. “You, wash up and do as you like. If you want a healthy woman, say the wordIll recommend someone”
