**A Late Farewell: A Goodbye on the Way Home**
After kissing his mistress goodbye with tender affection, Philip Carter got into his car and drove home. He paused for a moment outside the building, taking a deep breath, rehearsing in his mind the words hed say to his wife. He climbed the stairs and unlocked the door.
Hello, said Philip. Eleanor, are you home?
I am, replied his wife, emotionless. Hello. Shall I fry the chops, then?
Philip had promised himself hed be direct, firmno beating about the bush! It was time to end this double life while his mistresss warmth still lingered on his lips, before routine swallowed him whole again.
Eleanor, Philip coughed, adjusting his tone. Ive come to tell you we need to separate.
The news was met with unsettling calm. Eleanor wasnt one for hysterics. Once, hed even called her Eleanor the Ice Queen for it.
What do you mean? she asked, standing in the kitchen doorway. Shall I fry the chops or not?
Thats up to you, Philip said. Fry them if you like, dont if you dont. Im leaving. For another woman.
Most wives would eruptscreaming, hurling a skillet his way. But Eleanor wasnt most women.
Oh, what a tragedy, she murmured. Did you fetch my boots from the cobblers?
No, Philip admitted, surprised. If its that important, Ill get them now!
Look at you Eleanor muttered. Same old Philip. Send a fool to fetch boots, and he brings you the worn-out pair.
Philip was offended. The dramatic scene hed imagined was crumbling. Where were the tears, the fury? But what else could he expect from a woman as cold as Eleanor the Ice Queen?
I dont think youre hearing me, Eleanor! he said, raising his voice. Im telling you Im leaving you for someone else, and youre talking about boots!
Exactly, Eleanor replied. Unlike me, you can go wherever you please. Your boots arent at the cobblers. Whats stopping you?
Theyd lived together for years, yet Philip could never tell when Eleanor was serious or mocking. At first, that very calmthat quiet self-possessionhad drawn him in. Not to mention her steady beauty and practical nature.
Eleanor was solid, loyal, unshakeable as granite. But now Philip loved anotherwild, sinful, sweet love! It was time to cut ties and start anew.
And so, Eleanor, he declared, solemn yet bitter. Im grateful for everything, but Im leaving because I love someone else. I dont love you anymore.
Marvellous, Eleanor said flatly. Doesnt love me, poor lamb. My mother adored the neighbour, my father loved dominoes and whisky. And look how wonderfully I turned out.
Arguing with Eleanor was useless. Every word landed like a stone. His passion witherednow he just wanted this over.
You really are unbelievable, Eleanor, Philip said bitterly. But I love someone else. Wild, sinful, sweet love. Im leaving, understand?
Who is she? Eleanor asked. Not Tanya Mills, surely?
Philip stepped back. Hed had a fling with Tanya last year, but he never thought Eleanor knew!
Howd you know about her? he began, then stopped. Never mind. No, Eleanor, its not Mills.
Eleanor yawned.
Then its Sandra Ware? You went back to her?
A chill ran down Philips spine. Sandra had also been a lover, but that was long past. If Eleanor knew, why had she never mentioned it? Of courseshe was a fortress, revealing nothing.
Wrong again, Philip insisted. Not Ware or Mills. Someone else, wonderful, the love of my life. I cant live without her, and Im leaving. Dont try to stop me!
Then its Mabel, Eleanor concluded. Oh, Philip you really are daft. Your great secretthe love of your lifeMabel Vent, thirty-five, one child, two miscarriages Am I right?
Philip clutched his head. Shed hit the mark! His affair was indeed with Mabel.
But how? he stammered. Who told you? Have you been spying?
Elementary, Philip, Eleanor replied. Ive been a gynaecologist for years. Ive examined half the women in this city while youve only known a handful. One glance tells me where youve been, you clod.
Philip took a deep breath, clinging to dignity.
Suppose youre right! he declared. Even if it is Mabel, nothing changes. Im leaving.
Youre an idiot, Philip, Eleanor sighed. You couldve asked. Honestly, theres nothing special about hertypical of her kind, medically speaking. Have you seen your darlings health records?
N-no, he admitted.
Right. First, go shower. Second, tomorrow Ill ring Dr. Harper to see you without delay. Then well talk. The shamea gynaecologists husband picking a sick woman!
So what do I do? Philip whined.
Ill fry the chops, Eleanor said, turning away. Youwash up, then do as you please. If you want a healthy woman, just say so. I can recommend someone
*Lesson learned: Never underestimate a woman who knows more than you thinkespecially when shes the one whos seen half the town naked.*
