Uninvited Guests All Over the House
Cant these lovely people find somewhere else to live? my wife inquired one chilly December morning. There are plenty of inns about!
Theyre not just here for the pleasure of crowding us, I replied. Theyve all got troubles to sort out. Once theyve done, theyll move on.
And as soon as one lot leaves, more turn up! she sighed. And did you hear yesterday some fellow called Henry Price, no idea who he is, but apparently, hes been living here for over two years now!
How long can this go on? Jane exclaimed. Its simply beyond belief!
Whats happening? I asked, stretching as I nestled deeper into the bedclothes.
There! Jane pointed towards the window with force. Theyre starting a game of cricket outside!
Well, thats a bit of fun, I grinned, pushing myself up.
Are you joking? Jane yanked the curtains shut. What next, youll join them too?
Not likely, Id much rather stay put, I chuckled. And I recommend the same to you.
Jane plopped onto the side of the bed, frowning. Tell me, what rational soul arranges a cricket match in the middle of December?
Why not? I shrugged. Theres no snow, the frosts holding off, the grounds dry enough. Cant do any harm to toss a ball about.
Theyll break every window in the house! Jane was indignant. None of thems played before the ball will go all over the place!
Well, when it does, Ill have new glass fitted, I yawned widely.
Jane shook her head at me, half in disbelief, half amusement. She seemed ready for another retort, but from downstairs came a cheerful call.
My darlings! Breakfasts ready! Ive made you some drop scones! You can have your snuggles later, come down before they get cold!
Auntie Mary is forever herself, I laughed.
Technically, breakfast for my husband is my privilege! snorted Jane.
Youre always welcome to come make the coffee, I smiled.
My darlings! The coffees going cold too! came another shout from below.
There you have it. Jane motioned towards the door. Before long Aunt Mary will be doing everything for you, even warming your bed!
I wouldnt count on it! I winked. Your place is your own, always. Lets get breakfast its going cold.
Jane sighed in resignation and pulled on her dressing gown.
On our way to the kitchen, not a soul appeared. Once there, the kitchen remained empty but for ourselves.
A miracle, grumbled Jane as she reached for a scone. I thought wed never be alone together in our own house again!
Thats what makes this so exciting, I said. After we eat, we could watch the cricket, and later, George promised a barbecue for everyone.
Smoky, greasy and something always gets burned, Jane commented, biting into her scone.
If you mean the guest cottage, I snorted, its already been rebuilt and three times larger now than before!
Precisely, just to house even more guests! Jane was thoroughly put out. I cant keep up with half the names. We should fit them all with badges and maybe put down their relationship to us too, so we can at least keep track.
Wed lose count anyway, I chuckled. Somewhere along the line, it all goes brothers wifes cousins uncleuntil youre quite lost.
By the time you finish reading the sign, youll have gone mad! Jane shook her head.
We let the conversation die for a moment, consumed as we were by Aunt Marys divine drop scones. When they had worked their warm, golden magic, Jane asked, more amiably:
Harry, how much longer will this carry on?
What do you mean? I asked, feigning ignorance, though I knew her thoughts well enough.
These endless guests, Jane said, picking up her cup. I know we ought to be hospitable, but this is rather much! Out of curiosity, I tried to count the number of heads yesterday lost track after two dozen! Thirty people, at least, all of whom appear to have no intention of leaving! It isnt how I pictured married life.
I suppose, in a way, it is family life, I replied. After all, these people are like family or nearly.
Yes, but only if you follow family trees through third cousins twice removed and a nod to someones grandmothers sister! muttered Jane. Not even your own brother, to whom we owe this blessing, is properly related to them! Its all from his wifes side!
If you dug into the family lexicon Im sure thered be names for these connections I just cant remember a single one, I grinned. Still, theyre pleasant enough folk.
But can pleasant enough folk not reside elsewhere? Jane pressed. The whole countrys riddled with B&Bs!
As I said, theyre not here just for jaunts. Theyre sorting out their lives. Once they do, off they go until the next lot arrive!
She shook her head and clucked her tongue. And about that Henry Price living here two years, dont ask me who he is! Hes gone and got a job at the village shop! And Aunt Mary, whose scones were enjoying, shes cleaning for three households in the lane like a housekeeper!
It keeps folks busy, I said with a smile.
If it carries on, Harry, Im going back to London. My flats still there, good as new! Wed be better off in that poky little place, just the two of us, than here amid this throng!
***
Looking back, of course it was a gamble for Jane when she began seeing me. I was ten years her senior, and she was hardly a girl herself nearly twenty-five already when we met.
So the same questions came to both of us.
Why hasnt Harry married before? Is something wrong with him?
But they could say just the same of Jane:
Why wait until twenty-five to marry? Whats wrong with her?
For her part, Jane had her reasons. Shed studied architecture and knew well enough that a diploma doesnt fill the larder. She wanted to establish herself, build a reputation, and support herself so she could choose a husband rather than simply accept whomever came along.
She worked for the council at first, then went over to the private sector, joining a firm with regular contracts. More interesting, better paid, though it meant more dealings with clients, many of whom were very difficult. Still, work was work and left little time for settling down.
In my case, things were much the same but perhaps more chaotic. My brother, Andrew, started his own firm right after university and married on a whim. To escape working round the clock, he gave me a position then left me in charge of everything so he could focus on family.
So, I was still finishing my own courses while running a business. It was a handful, but I managed. My personal life, however, shrank to next to nothing. As soon as Andrews son was born, he practically never came home.
One day I confronted Andrew: Are you ever going to work again?
He shrugged apologetically. Ive lost all taste for it, Harry. I want to work with my hands, have a set shift, come home every evening to my wife and my boy.
And will a job like that pay the bills?
Weve decided to move north, to the Lake District Andrew handed me a folder of paperwork. Ive put the firm and all the business in your name. Youre good at this run it yourself.
Just give me an account number to send you part of the profits, I muttered, struggling to take it all in.
Well, after that, my life finally started rolling along steadily. By the time I reached thirty-five, everything was on solid ground, and I realised, perhaps it was the moment to think about family.
The first spark between me and Jane was immediate. Once wed sifted through any major doubts, love followed swiftly. Why wait? In six months wed married.
We settled into Janes London flat.
I do love you, Harry, but truthfully, this is more convenient for me, Jane said, slightly embarrassed. Its only five minutes walk to work, and Im hopeless getting up in the mornings.
No matter, I shrugged. I never got round to buying a place easier to rent. I could have bought, but I didnt know what or where. I wanted to leave the choice to you.
Ive always fancied living in the country, Jane confessed, but I cant be certain my work will let me go remote. Firm policy frowns on it. Even when everyone else worked from home, we were told to come into the office!
Why not give them an ultimatum? Let you work from home, or youll join a rival firm! Or better yet, well start our own and compete with them! I joked.
Ill try talking first! Jane rolled her eyes.
I do have a house outside London, actually, I admitted. Not that Ive mentioned it
The only request Andrew had, before he left for the Lake District, was, Harry, my wifes relatives might ask to stay for a bit while they get themselves straight. Dont turn them away, but dont let them get too comfortable, either!
But where will I put them? The local pub? I objected.
Oh, nearly forgot I bought a house in the country last year, never moved in. Ive put it under your name, too! Andrew waved goodbye, and off he went.
One caveat, though theres already some of my wifes relations staying there. But its a big old place, and theres also a guest house in the garden. I doubt youll even notice them!
When Jane and I arrived at the country house, she had no idea how many people lived there. The welcoming crowd was truly daunting.
But everyone was smiling, friendly, and eager to help with anything and everything.
Within a month in the house, Jane heard a thousand sad tales explaining how all these people had ended up there: someone splitting from a wife and settling up, another fleeing a tyrant husband, one old man whose children threw him out, and others escaping for all manner of reasons. Some were just waiting out a renovation, others tricked out of their homes. There was even a professor whose young pupil lured him from his family and promptly cast him off; now he was waiting for the sale of his old flat.
Although the house was always lively, the atmosphere was kind and welcoming.
Jane still needed to work, but had one particularly obstinate client. As she struggled through his complaints on a video call, old Mr. Richards, passing through, listened for a bit, then stepped into the webcam frame.
Excuse me, sir, he said, but your comments betray a lack of understanding. The young lady has done a splendid job. Youll count yourself lucky living in such a place. But if you insist on overruling her, dont be surprised when it all collapses around you.
The client gave in, and Jane, shutting her laptop, turned to Mr. Richards in amazement.
Just thirty-six years in architecture, my dear. Ask if you need advice! he grinned.
Despite Mr. Richardss help, the perpetual bustle of so many people began to fray Janes nerves. This was not how she had pictured rural married life more of a madhouse than a country retreat.
***
Darling, I said, if you truly want to go back to London, we can. But Im not sure youve grasped the whole story with our guests.
And what is that? asked Jane warily.
You complain the guest house burned down, but do you realise another is already up in its place and guess who paid for it?
Jane looked uncertain. It must have cost quite a bit.
Not a penny! I held up my hand in a circle. They paid for it and built it themselves!
Janes eyes widened.
And as for the bills, everyone here us included chips in for all the utilities and food. They cook, clean, and even do repairs. In fact, were almost living here at their expense! Many of them find work, others help out wherever they can. Their skills and advice invaluable! There are engineers, accountants, solicitors, plumbers, lecturers a veritable Parliament under one roof!
And an architect, Jane smiled, thinking of Mr. Richards.
He had shared professional secrets that proved invaluable to Janes work.
I recently doubled my firms profits, simply because I took advice from one of our guests! I said. We might as well employ them all!
And the best part? I continued, not waiting for her reply. No one ever asks for anything. They just carry on here, living as one marvellously peculiar family.
Right then, a cricket ball sailed through the kitchen window with a clatter. Young Tom came rushing in after it.
Dont worry, Joes just gone into town for new glass! Well have it fixed, better than before, I promise! Sorry! He grabbed the ball and darted away.
And thats how it goes, I laughed.
I suppose Ill get used to it, Jane said dreamily.
Within a month, she no longer felt burdened by all the guests. They werent guests at all, really simply family of the strangest, most wonderful kind.
