Uninvited Guests
How on earth do all these lovely people not have anywhere else to stay? asked Alice, exasperated. There are plenty of hotels in the area!
Theyre not just here for the sheer joy of crowding us out, replied Richard, her husband. Theyve all got issuesonce things settle, they move on.
And then others arrive to take their place! Alice pressed. Just yesterday, I overheard someone mention that Henry Bakerwhoever that ishas been living here for two years!
For goodness sake, how much longer will this madness go on? cried Alice.
Richard yawned, still curled up in bed. Whats all this commotion?
Look. Alice jabbed a finger at the window. Looks like the villages annual volleyball match is about to start.
Thats a laugh! Richard stretched lazily.
Are you joking? Alice jerked the curtains shut. Dont tell me you actually want to go!
Absolutely not. Id much rather enjoy a lie-in. You should, too.
Alice sat at the edge of the bed, frowning. Tell me, Richard: who in their right mind organises an outdoor volleyball competition in December?
Richard shrugged. Well, its not freezing, theres no snow, its drynothing wrong with a bit of fun and games.
Theyre bound to smash all the windows! Theyre hardly professionals. That ballll be flying all over the place!
New windows will go in as soon as the old ones get kicked out, Richard replied with a wry grin, stretching again.
Alice shook her head, unconvinced. She was about to say more when from downstairs a familiar voice rang out:
Sweethearts! Breakfasts ready! Fresh scones and jam! Come and eat while its warm, you lovebirds!
Classic Aunt Margaret, Richard smiled.
Its meant to be a wifes privilege to make breakfast for her husband, Alice huffed indignantly.
You could always put the kettle on, Richard teased.
Your teas going cold! Aunt Margarets call floated up the stairwell once more.
There you go. Alice pointed at the door. Any minute now, shell climb into bed in my place.
Dont be ridiculous! Richard laughed. Youll always have pride of place there! Come on, lets eat before everythings cold.
Alice sighed, pulling on her dressing gown. Not another day like this!
On their way to the kitchen, the house was unusually empty.
Well, thats a miracle, Alice muttered. I was beginning to think Id never have a private moment with my own husband under this roof.
Sometimes you get a little surprise, Richard grinned. Still, weve got a lively bunch around! After breakfast, we can watch the volleyball match. Oh, and Tom promised a barbecue tonight.
Lovelythe stink, the smoke, and somethings always getting set alight, Alice muttered as she started on the scones.
About that guest cottage Richard chuckled. Theyve already put up a new one. Better than the last, and three times the size!
Oh great, Alice replied gloomily, so we can squeeze even more people in! I cant even remember half their names! Well have to give them name badges, or indicate how theyre relatedI never know whos who!
Doesnt matter, said Richard. It all gets muddled up anywaysomething about the wife of your husbands brother, and beyond that, who knows!
By the time I work that out, Ill have lost my mind, Alice replied.
But their conversation trailed off, defeated by the delicious scones. Later, feeling slightly more generous, Alice asked quietly:
Richard, is this ever going to end?
What do you mean? He knew, but wanted to hear her say it.
All these endless guests, said Alice. Yes, one should be hospitablebut this is ridiculous! I tried counting everyone last night. Lost count at thirty.
Thirty people! And not even thinking of leavingthis isnt what I pictured for married life.
Well, lifes about family, and these people are practically family now, insisted Richard.
Some family, Alice muttered. Two steps removed on your brothers wifes side, at best! Even your brotherwhose in-laws gifted us all these visitorsdoesnt even know most of them!
Honestly, I couldnt give you the technical term for most of them, Richard admitted, but theyre all good people.
Alice raised an eyebrow. But cant these good people stay somewhere else? There are hotelsand B&Bs!
Theyre not here for convenience, Alice. Theyre just sorting out problems and moving on, Richard insisted.
And then just as many turn up to take their place! Did you know Henry Baker, who Ive never met, has settled in here for two years already? Even landed a job in the village shop! And Aunt Margaret, whose scones we just enjoyed, works as a housekeeper for three houses down the lane!
See? People get sorted, Richard smiled.
If this keeps up, Im moving back to my flat in London! Alice declared. At least then we could have a bit of peacejust you and merather than this circus.
***
It had always been a gamble, Alice getting together with Richard. Ten years older, and at twenty-five she was no spring chicken.
Naturally, the gossip started: Why hasnt Richard ever married? Must be something wrong with him. But the same could have been asked of her: Why did you wait so long, Alice? Something wrong with you?
But Alice knew herself. Shed trained as an architectone degree, but that doesnt put food on the table. Shed wanted not only to build experience, but to establish her own reputation, to stand on her own feet, and be able to choose her lifes partner on her own terms.
After a stint in the public sector, she moved to a private firm. The work was challenginglucrative, but not always pleasant, especially having to deal with demanding clients. Still, work was work.
Richards story was much the same in many ways, though it turned out a touch funnier. His brother, Peter, founded the family company right after leaving university, married almost immediately, and promptly tossed every responsibility at Richard, who had just come back from military service.
Juggling university and steering the business, Richard had little time to think of a personal life. Once Peters son was born, Richard barely came home at all.
Brother, are you planning on actually working? Richard asked one day.
Peter looked sheepish. To be honest, Im done with the business life. I want to work with my handsshift work, regular hours, and home in the evening to the wife and child.
And can you make enough for the family like that? asked Richard.
Were planning to move up to Yorkshire, Peter replied, pulling papers out of a folder. Ive transferred the companyeverythingto you. Youre doing brilliantly. Keep it up.
At least leave me a bank account so I can send you a share of the profit, Richard managed, barely taking it in.
From then on, life truly became a whirlwind for Richard.
So by thirty-five, with everything finally in order, Richard felt it was time to think of family.
There was an immediate spark between Alice and Richard, and when theyd satisfied themselves that there were no hidden red flags, love quickly moved in. Six months was all it took, and they married.
They started out in Alices London flat.
I love you dearly, she admitted, a little shy. But its really convenientIm only five minutes from work, and I cant drag myself out of bed in the mornings!
Thats perfectly fine, Richard said. I never bothered to buy a placealways just rented. I could have, but never knew where to settle. Id rather let you choose, honestly. You are my wife.
I always dreamed of living out in the country, said Alice, but Im not sure my company will let me work remotely.
Theyll have to, or you walksimple as that! Richard grinned. Or well set up our own firm and give them a run for their money.
Ill try talking to them first! Alice snorted.
And as it happens, I do have a place in the country, Richard added. Although theres something I should mention.
Peter had only asked for one thing before leaving: Richard, remember, Natalies family might come bymaybe needing a place while theyre sorting things out. Just say yes, but dont let them walk all over you.
But where do I put them all? Hotels? Richard said, flummoxed.
Oh, and I bought a house there last year but never moved in. Actually, thats yours now, too! Peter grinned, and set off for Yorkshire with his family.
There are a few of Natalies relatives staying there alreadybut its a big house, with a guest cottage in the garden! I doubt youll even notice them.
If only Alice had known the size of the welcoming committee when she arrived at the country house. A crowd met her at the gates, all smiles and eager help.
In a month, Alice heard more tales of heartbreak and mishap than in her entire life.
Someone had come to escape a cruel marriage, someone else was dividing the family home, another had lost everything to a scam. One guest was waiting out repairs on a flat, another simply had nowhere to go. Some were students, others just at a loose end.
The house filled with people of all ages and walks of lifeeven a professor, whose student had left him for someone else, then thrown him out too. He was stuck there, waiting for his flat to sell.
Despite the chaos, there was an odd sense of friendliness.
Alice tried to balance work, but demanding clients made life even harder. One particularly unreasonable man set her teeth on edgeuntil Dr. Gordon, passing by, overheard. He nudged Alice aside and calmly addressed her client via her webcam:
With all due respect, sir, your concerns show youre not really acquainted with the subject. The young ladys got it rightmove in and enjoy it. And if you change a thing, dont come crying when it all falls down!
Alices client accepted her plans unquestioningly, and when she closed the laptop, she asked the professor, How do you know all that?
My dear, he smiled, Ive been an architect thirty-six years! Ask me anythingwell trade tricks of the trade.
As grateful as she was for his help, Alice still found the never-ending bustle exhausting. This wasnt how shed pictured country life at alla crush of people from all walks of life.
***
Darling, we can move back to London if youd rather, Richard said gently. But maybe you havent quite grasped how all this works.
What exactly should I understand? Alice replied.
For instance, Richard continued, you grumbled about the burnt guest cottage. Did you know theres already a new oneand it didnt cost us a penny?
Alice stared.
Honestly. They all chipped inbuilt it themselves.
Wide-eyed, Alice turned to him in shock.
And all the day-to-day costsutilities, foodeveryone contributes. They do the shopping, the cleaning, the repairs. In truth, were living here off their generosity! Some work remotely, others help with odd jobs, and some of their advice has been invaluable!
Weve got engineers, accountants, lawyers, tradesmeneven a professor of biology! Richard finished.
And an architect, Alice added, recalling Dr. Gordons advicewhich, she realised, had helped her land a major new contract.
Ive just doubled my firms profits by asking for their input! Richard declared. Ought to put them all on the payroll, really!
And the funniest part? he added, his eyes twinkling. No one asks us for anything. They just live hereone odd, wonderful family.
At that moment, a volleyball sailed through the kitchen window, scattering a shower of glass. Moments later, Freddie rushed in.
Dont worry, Henrys off to fetch a new pane from the village. Well have it fixed in two hours, better than new! Sorry!
He snatched up the ball and disappeared.
Thats just how it is, Richard said, smiling.
I suppose Ill get used to it, Alice admitted, still a little dazed.
But within a month, she was at ease with the houseful of gueststhough shed stopped thinking of them as guests at all. They were simply, oddly enough, a family.
