Are you saying you dont want me to go on holiday with you? Mums tone was sharp, as if Id deliberately booked a separate trip just to keep her out of the way.
I froze.
Mum, I told you already Im going with Poppy. Weve been planning this for ages. Its not that Im trying to push you away we just want a break together, just the two of us.
—
Evenings at my flat dont always start the same, but most nights they begin with a futile attempt to call Mum. Her favourite game is guess what Im mad about this time. Tonight, the puzzle was extra tricky I hadnt the faintest idea what had gone wrong.
Wed spoken just before lunch and everything seemed fine.
Mum, whats up? I asked, finally getting through. Ive been dialing for half an hour! Whats happening? Did something happen to you?
Instead of an answer, Margaret Ill call her Mum let out a little snort into the receiver.
What do you mean? I asked.
Figure it out yourself, youve forgotten something.
I havent forgotten anything, Mum. What are you talking about? A familiar helplessness washed over me. Every time Mum got angry, I felt like a child who could only whine.
I ran through all the possible offences. Had I missed a birthday? Which one? Had I sounded too blunt? No
Mum, whats this about?
She finally gave me a reason.
About nine oclock, Simon! You promised youd call me at nine and you rang at ten! I waited a whole hour! Can you imagine how that feels? You never think about Mum, do you?
My forehead hit the stack of papers. Nine. Ten. I did remember. I was stuck in a meeting that ran over, and Id completely lost track of time. But to turn that into a whole drama?
Mum, Im sorry, really. I got caught up. We”
So you got caught up? she cut in. And I wasnt? I sat there waiting for my precious son, who apparently has a schedule so packed he cant even spare a minute for his own mother!
Mum, you know I love you. Its just
I know, I know, she replied, you love me, but your love apparently comes with a deadline. If Mum doesnt remind herself, youll never call! Its not even on your agenda. Brilliant logistics, Simon topflight performance!
If only an apology would be enough but no. She started listing every little transgression from my past, reciting the unwritten code of being a proper son, and I felt the guilt swell. Honestly, I didnt get why it was such a big deal. Id missed a call by an hour not the end of the world.
Alright, Mum. I wont forget again. Honest promise.
Promises arent deeds, Simon. How many times have you promised?
When was the last time I promised and didnt follow through?
Remember sixth form, when?
And it all went downhill from there.
What I did remember was that Mum always turned the smallest slipups into catastrophes. Forgetting to take out the rubbish meant I didnt respect her. Buying the wrong sausage at the supermarket meant I wasnt paying attention to her tastes. Margaret was a master of exaggeration, and I, unfortunately, was her only pupil.
We patched things up with endless apologies, compromises and the occasional gift.
Hows Mum? You two made up? Poppy asked.
Yes, but at what cost
Try to see it philosophically. You cant rewrite Mum, she said gently. Poppy is wonderful caring, understanding, loving. She never made a scene over a missed call; she respects my time and my choices.
Exactly, you cant redo it, I agreed. What Im really wondering what about our holiday? Where are we heading?
Simon, Poppy replied, Ive been looking at some lastminute deals. What do you fancy? How long should we stay? A week?
A grin spread across my face. A break with Poppy is just what the doctor ordered. My head was feeling like a brick.
Im easy, you pick.
How about Spain? Or maybe Portugal? Theres a decent resort, flights are next month, right in time for your leave
Lets see what else is out there. The main thing is we both enjoy it.
Just as I was about to book, I thought of Mum. Shed never let me off the hook that easily. Then a thought struck.
Poppy, what if we got Mum a holiday too? Somewhere else, of course. Let her have a proper break.
She looked at me. Are you sure? She?
Yes, Im sure. Trust me, itll calm everyone down if she gets a little time off herself.
So I found a lovely seaside B&B in Cornwall, with sea views and rave reviews exactly the sort of place Mum would adore.
I rang her.
Mum! Guess what!
Whats the occasion, and why am I supposed to dance? she snapped. Because my son finally remembered his old mum and bothered to call?
No, Mum. Im booking you a holiday! To the coast! Youll have a proper break.
Her silence was deafening there was no excitement.
You what? Margaret managed.
Yes, Mum! Ive booked you two weeks in a nice Cornwall retreat. Youll relax while Poppy and I head off to Spain.
Maybe I shouldve mentioned at the airport that I wasnt flying with her.
So you dont want me on your holiday? No joy at all youve booked a separate trip just to keep me out?
I was at a loss.
Mum, I told you Im going with Poppy. Weve planned this forever. Its not that we dont want you we just want a bit of alone time.
So you only remembered me when you needed to send me off? What are you doing, Simon? Trying to get rid of me so you can enjoy a quiet break with Poppy?
I covered my face with my hands. How could she turn a generous gesture into an accusation? How could she make me feel like the bad guy while I was trying to sort things out?
Mum I just want you to have a break too. Whats wrong with that?
I dont want a holiday your way, Simon! I want one with you. I wanted to spend time together, not be sent off like a burden!
I clutched my head.
Again youve turned everything upside down
You know, Simon, she sighed, maybe Im not as needed as I was when you were a kid
Silence fell final this time.
Okay, Mum. Whatever you say. I hear you. I said, using the phrase she always hated when I said it at work.
I hung up.
Poppy heard the whole thing at once.
What now? Mum again?
Yes, I sighed, Mum again.
What happened this time? Did she hate the gift?
She wont go alone! Shes furious, says Im shipping her off. Wants us to travel together.
Poppy chuckled softly.
Simon, she just wants you around. Always. Youre her only son. She cant imagine life without you.
I thought Poppy was being too easy. I was doing everything I could to keep Mum from interfering with our plans, and now she could be the one to ruin things for us too.
But I cant be with her all the time. I have a life, I have you.
I know, love. Its hard for her. She feels youre drifting away.
What am I supposed to do? Spend my whole life under her thumb?
Not at all. Maybe a proper chat first?
Ive tried, Poppy. She just wont listen.
Simon
I think I know my Mum better than anyone. If she doesnt want it, she wont get it, no matter how much I try to convince her.
In the end Poppy and I flew off to our longawaited Spanish resort. As expected, Mum called her sister Valerie later that evening, venting about her ungrateful son.
Val, you wont believe it! My Simon I cant even find words. He gave me a holiday in Cornwall!
Um thats nice, isnt it? You wanted a break, right?
I wanted *us* together. I wanted him to come with me. And he whisks off with Poppy somewhere else! Im convinced they booked tickets to different cities on purpose so I dont get in the way.
Valerie, ever the pragmatic aunt, replied, Of course they need time alone. Simon, love, youre not getting in the way.
Im not getting in the way! I gave him life. I raised him. And now hes shipping me off! The worst part is he doesnt even know why Im upset! He thinks I just love making a scene out of nothing Thats life, Val. I gave him everything and…
Valerie just nodded, pretending to understand.
