Do you really mean you dont want me to join you on holiday? Margaret snapped, her voice thin with mockpleasantness. Youve got a separate voucher for me on purpose, so I wont intrude on your little getaway, is that it?
Samuel froze.
Mother, I told youIm off with Ethel. Weve been planning this for months. Its not that Im trying to dodge you we just want a break together.
Evenings in Samuels house seldom began without the same ritual: a frantic call to his mother, whose favourite pastime was to guess what new grievance she had with him. Tonight, however, the puzzle was harder than usual, for Samuel had no inkling of what had gone wrong.
Earlier that day they had spoken and everything had seemed fine.
Mother, whats the matter? he asked, voice trembling as the line finally connected. Ive been dialing for half an hour! Did something happen to you?
Margaret let out a short, irritated snort.
What do you mean? Samuel pressed.
Figure it out yourselfwhat have you forgotten?
I havent forgotten anything, Mother. What are you on about? A familiar helplessness settled over Samuel; each time Margaret took offense, he felt as helpless as a child who could only whine.
He rattled off every possible reason. Had he missed a birthday? Which one? Had his tone been too sharp? No
Mother, what are you talking about?
She finally relented.
About nine oclock, Samuel! You promised to call at nine and you called at ten! I waited a whole hour! Can you imagine how that felt? You never think of your mother, do you?
Samuels forehead thumped against a stack of papers. Nine oclock. Ten oclock. He rememberedhed been stuck in a meeting that ran over, and the call had slipped his mind. But to make such a drama over it?
Sorry, Mum, Im sorry. I got caught up. We
Got caught up, did you? Margaret interrupted. And I, what? I just sat there waiting for my precious son, who apparently has a schedule so full he cant spare a minute for his old mother!
Mother, you know I love you. Its just
I know, I know, she said, drawing out each word. You love me. Only your love seems to come with a deadline. If I dont remind you of myself, youll never remember. Thats not in your calendar. Brilliant logistics, Samuelpure masterclass!
If only an apology would have sufficed but no. Now she would haul up every past transgression, read him a litany of how a proper son ought to behave, and he would feel guilty, though he could not see why. Hed missed a call by an hour; it was not the end of the world.
Fine, Mother. I wont forget again. I swear on my word.
Promises are not deeds, Samuel. How many times have you promised
When was the last time I promised and didnt deliver?
Remember when you were in Year6?
And the flood began.
Samuel knew all too well that, to his mother, the smallest slipups turned into catastrophes. Forgetting to take out the rubbish meant he disrespected her. Buying the wrong sausage at the shop signalled his lack of attention to her tastes. Margaret was an expert at magnifying the trivial, and Samuel, much to his misery, was her only pupil.
They patched things up with endless apologies, concessions, and, of course, gifts.
Hows Mum? Did you make up? Ethel asked.
We did, but at what cost Samuel sighed.
Take it philosophically. You cant rewrite Mum, she replied gently. Ethel was kind, understanding, loving. She never threw a fit over a missed call; she respected his time and his choices.
Of course you cant, Samuel agreed. What Im really keen on is the holiday. Where shall we go?
Samuel dear, Ethel said, Ive been looking at the lastminute deals. What sounds good to you? How long should we stay? A week?
A smile spread across Samuels face. A break with Ethel was exactly what the doctor had prescribed; his head was feeling squarely boxed in.
Everything sounds fine. You choose.
Hmm perhaps Spain? Or Italy? Theres a decent hotel, departures in a monthjust right for your leave
Lets see what else is on offer. The most important thing is that well enjoy ourselves.
Before booking, Samuel thought of his mother. She would never forgive him outright. Then an idea struck.
Ethel, what if we also buy Mum a voucher? A different resort, of course, so she can have her own break.
Ethel looked at him.
Are you sure? Shell
Yes, Im sure. Trust me, itll ease everyones mind if she has a holiday too.
Samuel decided this was the best solution. He would purchase a lovely seafront B&B in Devon for his mother, a place she adored, while he and Ethel set off for a sunny Italian coast. He dialed his mother.
Mum! Pack your dancing shoes!
For what? Whats the occasion? Because my son finally remembered his old mum and bothered to call?
No, Mum. Ive bought you a holidayby the sea! Youll be staying at a nice guesthouse for two weeks while Ethel and I head to Italy.
He heard no cheers; there were none.
What? Margaret gasped.
Yes, Mum! Ive booked you a twoweek stay in Devon, a lovely B&B. Youll be resting while Ethel and I fly off to Italy.
Maybe he should have said at the airport that they werent travelling together.
So you dont want me on holiday with you? No joy at alljust a separate voucher so I cant bug you, is that it?
Samuel was at a loss.
Mum, I told you Im off with Ethel. Weve been planning this forever. Its not that I dont want you we simply want a couples break.
So youve been planning forever, but only thought of Mum when you needed to send her away? Where are you taking me, Samuel? Trying to get rid of me so you can enjoy a quiet holiday withyour Ethel?
Samuel covered his face with his hands. How could she twist his intentions? How could she make the man who was about to fund her trip feel the guilty party?
Mum I just want you to have a rest too. Whats wrong with that?
I dont need your idea of a break, Samuel! I need a break with you. I wanted time with my son, and youre sending me off as if I were a burden!
He clutched his head.
Youve turned everything upside down again
You know, Samuel, she sighed, perhaps Im not as needed as I once was.
Silence fell, final this time.
Alright, Mum. As you wish. I hear you.
He hated the phrase I hear you at work, but now he had nothing better to say.
He hung up.
Ethel heard the click instantly.
What now? Mum again?
Yes, Samuel exhaled. Mum again.
Whats the issue this time? Did she dislike the gift?
She wont travel alone! Shes angry, says Im shipping her off. She wants us together.
Ethel chuckled softly.
She just wants you by her side, always. Youre her only son, after all. She cant imagine life without you.
Samuel thought Ethel was being frivolous. He was trying to keep his mother from stealing his attention from her, so the marriage was safe, yet his mother could still cause trouble.
But I cant be with her all the time. I have my own life, I have you.
I know, love. But for her its hard. She feels youre drifting away.
What should I do? Live under her skirt forever?
No, of course not. Maybe you should speak to her first?
Ive tried, Ethel. She wont listen.
Samuel
Maybe I know my mother best. If she wont change, theres no point in trying.
In the end Samuel and Ethel flew to their longawaited resort, while Margaret, as expected, called her sister Valerie to complain about her ungrateful son.
Valerie, you have no idea! My Samuel I cant even find words. He bought me a holiday in Devon!
Thats nice, isnt it? You wanted a break, right?
I wanted *us* together. But hes gone off with Ethel, leaving me behind! Im convinced they booked tickets to different towns just to keep me out of the way.
Valerie, seasoned in family drama, merely nodded, pretending agreement.
