Picture this: your teenage son or daughter has gone out with friends for the evening. As any caring parent would, you give them a call to check that everythings alright. They respond, perhaps sounding a bit on edge, and swearing theyre fine. But that assurance does little to ease the worry that creeps in later, when you learn theyve tried alcohol or something more troubling for the first time.
A vicar named Robert Jenkins was keenly aware of the sort of pressure teenagers face and did all he could to steer his youngest boy, William, clear of situations like that. Having grown up as the son of a vicar himself, Robert knew just how daunting it could be trying to keep face amongst your peers. He trusted his son but wanted William to know he could always turn to his father for support, no matter the circumstances. So, Robert came up with a little secret codean S.O.S. signal, if you like. This code would let William ask for help whenever he needed, without the fear of losing face in front of his mates, a very common fear at that age.
The idea struck Robert after hed spent some time visiting youth support centres. He used to pose the same question to the teenagers he met: How many of you have ever found yourself in a situation where you were doing something that made you uneasy or frightened, something you didnt actually want to do, but you went along with the crowd out of fear of being laughed at, and felt you couldnt get out?
Almost every hand in the room would shoot up. Later, Robert wrote about the experience:
One day, my youngest, William, was invited to a party. I told him that if anything felt off, if he ever felt uncomfortable or like he didnt belong, he only needed to send an X in a text to anyone in the familyme, his mum, his older brother or sister. Whoever it was that got the message would then ring Williams mobile within a few minutes. Once he answered, our conversation would go something like this:
Hello? William, somethings come up and I need to pick you up right away. Whats happened? Ill explain when I see you. Be ready in five minutes. Im on my way.
After that, William could simply tell his friends that somethings come up at home and he has to leave immediately.
Thats it. William heads off. In his friends eyes, he hasnt bolted out of embarrassment, but is leaving for family business. This approach means a teenager keeps their confidence and feels much calmer when out with friendsand, more importantly, they know their parent has their back.
The key, really, is never to leave your child hanging. Its easy to lose a teenagers trust, but earning their confidenceso they learn to choose right over wrong themselvesis truly invaluable.
