Hey love, so picture this: one morning Emily wakes up to James snuggling up next to her, whispering, Morning, Lucy. He chuckles, still halfasleep, and drifts back to dreamland. Emilys eyes snap open, heart pounding, and she lies there terrified, wondering what on earth just happened. Did I hear that right? she thinks. Everything was fine a minute ago or not?
James rolls over, yawns and says, Emily, youre shivering. Im losing sleep over you. Youre fine, right? Its summer, why are you under the duvet like a frozen pea? Ill brew some tea. He wanders into the kitchen, whistling a jaunty tune, and Emily finally drags herself out of bed, legs feeling like lead, mind buzzing. Maybe a cuppa will help.
James asks for a pancake. Emily glowers, You called me Lucy this morning.
James looks puzzled, What? Sweetheart?
Emily snaps, James, stop playing dumb. You called me Lucy.
He sighs, You mustve heard things in your halfasleep state, love. Thats why youre so chilly and sour. Women, right? Ill go to work on an empty stomach.
She wanders the house, water the plants, tosses a pancake on a plate, throws on a coat and heads to his clinic. Maybe it was just a slip of the tongueEmily cant be sure.
At the clinic theres a new receptionista young, striking redhead with curls and a curvy figure. She tells Emily, Dr. James isnt seeing patients today, can I book you for next week?
Emily, flustered, blurts, Better put me on his list, youll need me later.
The receptionist widens her eyes, Excuse me?
Emily, with a forced smile, Emily Thompson, Jamess wife. Step aside, there are enough streetkids crowding the waiting room.
Just then Jamess intercom crackles, Lucy, bring me a coffee, will you?
Emily rolls her eyes, Fine, Ill get it.
James spots her with the tray and says, Hey love, whats up?
Emily slides over the coffee and a pancake, Heres your order. Youll get the divorce papers by post. Bon appétit.
James fumes, What the hell is happening? Youve turned into a witch on a broom since sunrise.
She retorts, Your witch is sitting in the reception. Whys her hair a mess? A respectable dentist and a vulgar receptionistwhat a cheap combo, James.
James sighs, Emily, stop. I cant stand the drama. Im taking a week off at the cottage, give you time to cool off. Call me when youre calmer.
Emily snaps, Its too late. Im done with cheating. Just tell me why, so I know what Im dealing with.
James gulps his coffee, grimaces, Varvara quit. I hired Lucy on her recommendation.
Emily, shocked, When?
James, avoiding eye contact, A month ago.
Emily, Why didnt you tell me? You always shared everything.
James, I didnt expect her to stick around. Shes doing a great job.
Emily, At work, right?
James, blushing, Shes brilliant at work and more.
Emily, Accidental, huh? You didnt plan this!
James, Id never cheat.
Emily, Then Im packing my things today.
James, panicking, Where are you going? Stay in the flat.
Emily, Ive got my own house.
James, Your old cottage?
Emily, Yes. Thats my home.
The old cottage was left by her parents, full of memories and a musty smell. Her friend Nelly, ever the gossip, says, You cant live here, Em. Sell it, get a mortgage, move back to the city. Emily replies, No point looking back. I cant. Could you manage it? Nelly shrugs, I dont know what Id do in your shoes.
Emily flings open every window. Honestly, it could be nice here. Fifteen minutes drive to town, the areas spruced up, utilities are in place. Ive never even been inside for five years. Nelly sighs, Sounds lovely but its a lot of work. Need a place to crash tonight?
Emily, Where? The cupboard?
Nelly, annoyed, Sashas off on holidays at my mums, you could use her teenage room until autumn.
Emily, That rooms offlimits, you muppet. Nelly waves it off.
Emily smells fresh grass, Can you smell that? Summer, childhood. Nelly replies, Yeah, the grass needs mowing. Youll manage. Emily: I could hire a crew, Ive saved a bit. Ive lived off Jamess clinic money for five years, he treated my salary like pocket money. Nelly, Hes a decent bloke. Emily, I thought so too, but its heavy on my heart now.
Nelly, I get it, twenty years together, it hurts.
Emily, It hurts like a bee sting. Leave me alone.
Nelly, Youre being cruel, I thought youd cry.
Emily, You wont hear it.
The next morning a piglets squeal jolts Emily awake, like a childhood nightmare, but theres no fresh rolls, no one at the door. She hears footsteps, a voice shouting, Whos there? Ill call the police!
A neighbor shouts, Dont worry, its me. I need to collect my pig, Hector. Emily, still in her pyjamas, steps out onto the porch. Hector? What are you on about?
The man yells into the overgrown garden, Hector! A rustle, a snort, and a tiny black piglet waddles out. Dont be scared, little chap, lets go home.
Emily, baffled, Is he yours?
He replies, Hes not mine. He wandered onto my plot, set up in the shed. Ive asked around, no ones looking for a pig. Hes a friend now.
Emily, What brings you to this village?
He, offended, What, this place? Fresh air, quiet, city nearby. Youre not a country girl, are you?
Emily, Lets skip the drama. Ive got a divorce in a week, my heads spinning. I grew up around pigs, stop staring at my hands.
He, Right, Ill get a fence up later, the grass suits Hector.
The next day a whimpering dog wakes Emily. She steps out, sees a sleepy neighbour opening his gate, still in pyjamas, with the pig snorting beside him.
Is that your puppy? Emily asks.
He, What gives you that idea?
Emily, No fence, pigs wander, maybe dogs too.
He, I was about to head to the shelter, thought Id leave you a gift. Name him?
Emily, Call him Art.
He, Cant, Im Artur. Bad idea to name a dog after yourself.
Emily, Then call him Chuck. Hectors already there, squeaking.
He, Chuck and Hector perfect! By the way, Im Artur.
Emily, Nice name.
He, Ill be off.
Emily lingers, torn between the pig, the puppy, and her memories. The neighbour offers, Stay, Ill teach you dogcare. Youll have a guard dog soon enough.
She remembers Nellys warning about marrying a man named Goromychko (Griefmaker)a joke shed made. Emily now finds the joke oddly fitting, stuck in a house with no water and an outdoor loo, rubbing her knee, wishing for a shower.
Jamess voice crackles from the clinic, Hey, Lucy, bring me a coffee!
Emily sighs, James, this is Artur.
Artur, James, meet Artur. James, this is my husbandwell, exhusband. Why are you here?
James, Your gates wide open, the doors ajar. Im just checking if youve changed your mind about the divorce. Were supposed to tie the knot again, love?
Emily chuckles, Right. James, My daughter dropped by, thought the cottage was empty. Talk to her, shell call you. He waves and steps out. Emily looks at the neighbour, Why all this?
He, Your house is ancientno water, no gas, outhouse. Youll keep coming to me, dragging all the stray animals. Move in with me, Ill remodel it. Im bored, my wifes gone, Ive got two kids, enough animals. We could live together, no kids, just us and the critters.
Emily, Are you serious? You sound like a maniac.
He, Im not, I just dont want to lose you.
A year later they finally married, bought a cat, and settled into that quirky, halfrural lifetea, pancakes, a redhaired receptionist turned exmistress, a black pig named Hector, a cheeky puppy Chuck, and a lot of British drama.
Hope that gave you a good laugh. Talk soon!
