Sit still! Were not home! Michael said calmly.
But someones knocking! Sally froze, half-rising from the sofa.
Let them, Michael replied.
What if its someone important? Sally whispered. Or maybe its something urgent?
Its Saturday, midday, Michael said. You havent invited anyone over, Im not expecting anyone. The obvious conclusion?
Ill just take a quick peek through the peephole! Sally whispered back.
Sit down, Michael said more firmly. Were not in. Whoever it is can just turn around and go home!
And you think you know who it is? Sally asked.
I have my suspicions. Which is why I dont want you darting around by the window.
If its who I think it is, theyre not going anywhere! Sally muttered, shrugging.
That depends on how long we can hold out and not answer the door, Michael replied easily. Eventually, theyll lose patience and leave. I doubt theyll sleep in the hallway.
We dont need to go anywhere today, so grab your headphones and phone and lets just watch a film.
Mike, Mums calling me, Sally said, holding up her phone screen.
Thatll be your aunt at the door with her clueless son, then, Michael concluded.
How do you know? Sally asked, surprised.
Well, if it was my cousin, my mum would be ringing instead. Thats how it goes.
Surely there are other possibilities? Sally raised an eyebrow.
If its the neighbours, Im not in the mood for small talk. If it were friends, theyd have rung the bell a couple of times and left. Better yet, if they had any manners, theyd have called first to see if we were freerather than hammering at our door for half an hour! No, only persistent family tries their luck like this.
It is my aunt, Sally said with a sigh. Mums messagedapparently Aunt Helens staying in town for a few days, shes got things to do.
Message back and say there are plenty of hotels in London, Michael grinned.
Michael! Sally shot him a look. I cant say that!
I know, I know, Michael said, thinking. Tell her were not home, that were staying at a bed and breakfast because weve just had the flat fumigated!
Brilliant! Sally quickly typed and sent her message.
Mike, she says we should book two hotel rooms for her and Tom! Sally said, flustered.
Tell her were skint. Also, say weve only managed to grab a couple of hostel bedsshared with fifteen foreign labourers, Michael snorted, proud of his creativity.
Mums asking when well be back, Sally said, looking at her husband.
In a week, Michael shrugged.
At last, the knocking stopped, and the couple both sighed in relief.
Mike, Mum just textedAunt Helens coming in a week, Sally said, her voice dropping.
And, as luck would have it, well be out again, Michael said.
Michael, you realise this isnt fixing anything, right? We cant keep hiding forever. What if they turn up on a weekday? Or ambush us outside after work? You know both my aunt and your cousin would do it in a heartbeat!
True that, Michael sighed. Why did we ever buy a three-bed flat?
We got it for our future family, Sally replied softly.
We need to have a babytwo, actually! Michael said, suddenly serious.
As if you need to convince me! Sally exclaimed. You know weve tried! But we need to get checked. It hasnt happened yet.
We just need to ease this stress, and everything will come right. The only thing getting in our way is this constant family dramafirst your side, then mine!
Sally couldnt disagreeshe knew Michael was right.
***
Theyd both had a thorough examination before the weddingmaking sure they were healthy, compatible, everything perfect. But straight after their wedding, children had to wait while they saved for a flat.
Neither of them would inherit anything, so they both lived with their mums in tiny one-bedroom flats until they could manage on their own.
After five years of scrimping and saving, working non-stop, they finally afforded a bigger place. It needed a full renovationwith second-hand furniture to matchbut they couldnt have been happier.
Yet they barely had time to settle in before Sallys aunt arrived on the doorstep, complete with her son in tow. To make sure the young couple didnt object, Aunt Helen brought Sallys mum along as backup.
Well, youve certainly got enough space here! Not like you and Sally crammed into one room before, her mum pointed out.
Yes, very handy, Aunt Helen beamed. Ill have the spare room and Tom can go in the other one!
We dont let anyone sleep in the lounge, Michael said firmly. Thats our living space.
Im not going to be working here, am I?! Aunt Helen laughed. Sally, have a word with your husbandI cant share with Tom, what with his snoring! Anyway, were guestsyou havent even put the kettle on yet!
To be fair, we werent expecting you, Sally said, embarrassed.
And the fridge is empty, Michael added.
Well, if you insist, Aunt Helen conceded. Mike, be a dear and nip out to Sainsburys, and Sallyget cracking in the kitchen!
Whats the hold-up then? Sallys mum joined in. Is this how you welcome family?
Do you mind Michael started, but Sally dragged him away.
Once out of earshot, Michael hissed, Sally, is this a joke? Im throwing them out in a minutealong with your mum! If theyre visiting, the least they could do is act like guests!
She means well! Shes just old-fashioned, thats all! Sally pleaded.
I know people from the countryside, but rudeness isnt a tradition anywhere! This is just plain cheeky.
Darling, dont pick a fight. Mum and Aunt Helen will make my life miserable for months! And youll never hear the end of itdo you want that?
Honestly, I couldnt care less what they think. If theyre going to treat me like this, Ill happily never see them againwouldnt miss them for a second!
Mike, please! Just think of me. If we turf Aunt Helen out now, Mum will never forgive me. Shes all Ive got
That did it. Michael gritted his teeth and headed for the shop.
Aunt Helens three-day visit stretched to a fortnight. By the end of the second day, Michael was practically living on camomile tea. When they finally left, the newlyweds celebrated with cleaning sprays and feather dustersthey needed three days to get the flat back to normal.
Then it was Michaels familys turn.
Mate, dont worryIm here for a quick visit, David, his cousin, swooped in, nearly lifting Michael off his feet. Just got a few bits to do. Wont be long!
Why couldnt you come on your own? Michael asked.
What, and leave the missus and kids back in the village? Out of the question! Besides, what if I get up to mischief? Sarahs here to keep tabs on me! And the kidswho else could they stay with?! Anyway, lets make the most of it and paint the town red!
David! Sarah screeched. You so much as try to mess about, Ill come after you!
Within an hour and a half, Sally had a splitting headache. The kids were using the flat as a racetrack, screaming non-stop. Sarah was constantly shrieking, seemingly unable to speak at a normal pitch, while David wanted a night out to live a little, only making Sarah shout even louder.
Mike, Sally whispered from under the pillow, youre the only child, right?
Hes my cousin on Mums side, Michael muttered. I just call him my cousin.
I dont care what you call him, can we please get him out of the house?
Id love to, Michael said solemnly, but its just like your aunt. My mum would make my life a living hell if I did.
No sooner had they recovered from one visit than another set of relatives appearedAunt Helen and Tom, or David and his brood, looking to sort something out in town. Their mums never gave up either, each whittling away at their in-laws. All this endless drama took a toll on their health and peace of mind.
No surprise then, that thoughts of having a family kept slipping further away. It just seemed impossiblenot only because of the stress, but when would it even be possible?
***
What if we swap flats? Sally suggested.
For a padded cell? Michael joked. Its only a matter of time
No, really. Lets just swap with someone in another area! Then, we move, and dont tell anyone where weve gone.
Thatll just buy us a bit of time, Michael sighed. Sooner or later, your aunt and my cousin will be badgering the new tenantsnext thing you know, well be found out and torn to shreds for sneaking off.
Maybe well have enough time to at least get a start on a family, Sally said hopefully.
Not just startraise! Thats the only thing that might make them leave us alone, Michael shook his head. But I doubt even that will stop them.
Lets just move out altogether and stay with friends for a bitget some peace! Sally suggested.
You mean Chris and Emma? Michael checked.
Yestheyve got a spare room!
Their German Shepherd sleeps there, Michael reminded her with a smile.
I’d rather house-share with a dog than our families! Sally dropped her head in defeat.
Wait! Michael grabbed his phone. Chriscan we borrow the dog?
Oy! Mate, youre a lifesaver! Emma and I are desperate for a holiday and nobody else can handle her! She doesnt trust strangers, but she loves you guys! Chris shouted down the receiver. Ill sort you outfood, toys, her bed, bowlsheck, Ill even throw in a bit extra for your trouble!
Bring her over! Michael said, delighted.
He turned, beaming as the morning sun. Call your mumtell her Aunties welcome tomorrow! Ill ask David to pop round in the week.
Are you sure? Sally asked.
Absolutelywere happy to see them, Michael said heartily. Its hardly our fault if our new pet isnt to their taste.
One growl from Bella, the German Shepherd, was enough to convince Davids family to book a cosy hotel instead.
Lock that beast away! Sarah shrieked, hiding behind her son.
Aunt Helen, youre kidding, right? Michael smirked. Shes forty-five kilos of pure muscle, not a lapdog! Shed go straight through a door if she felt like it!
Why is she baring her teeth at me? Aunt Helens voice wobbled.
She doesnt like strangers, Sally shrugged.
Get rid of her! I cant stay under the same roof as that animal!
Get rid?! Michael protested. This sweet dog is our beloved pet! We dont have kids yet, so we pour all our love into her!
And wed never give her up! Sally added.
After that, both mums rung, aghast that they’d “refused family.”
We didnt kick anyone outthey decided they didnt want to stay! Sally and Michael replied every time. Theyre welcome to visit! Wed love to see them.
But what about the dog?
Mum, were not turning anyone awaybut we wont get rid of Bella for anyone.
But for whatever reason, the mums stopped pushing visits, too.
A month later, Bella went back to her owners. Sally, as luck would have it, was pregnantwith twins.
And they both realised something important. No matter how hard things get, sometimes you have to set boundaries to protect your own peace and future. If you dont, its impossible to move forward. Beneath even the most overwhelming demands from family, its okay to put yourself, and your own hopes, first.
