Diary entry
Its peculiar how quickly peoples envy seeps through even the politest façade, especially at work. My colleagues and friends have started whispering behind my back, all because I managed to attract the attention of a mature, successful man. William is fifteen years my senior and happens to be the head of the firm I work for.
Shes barely handed in her CV and now shes about to get married, I overheard one of the admin ladies gossiping at the water cooler.
From rags to riches, that one.
Spot on, another tutted.
The truth is, I never wanted to flaunt my relationship with the boss. If anything, William and I started seeing each other before Id even heard of his company. I didnt realise he was the director until after my first interviewhe never sat in, and HR swore blind they selected me purely on my experience and references.
Of course, eventually the truth got out and I asked William to keep things quiet, but secrets dont last long in an English office. Soon everyone was dissecting details of our relationship, casting side-eyes at the widower and his new young beauty.
I have never been one for boasting about my looks, and I was certain I earned my position through merit rather than a smile and a nice dress. But gossip is gossip. Some even muttered that William was remarrying before two years had passed since the tragic death of his wife, Judith, who had owned the company before him. Theyd been married a decade before the accident, the aftermath leaving William the business and a considerable fortune.
After Judiths passing, William quickly became the most sought-after bachelor in town. For a while, he was silent, grief strucka fact which made him all the more intriguing to women everywhere.
Such loyalty
Hes like a swanone woman for life, sighed the older receptionists dreamily.
Truthfully, William wasnt winning any prizes for charm or looks, but his bank account certainly drew a crowd. Not that it mattered to meI genuinely grew fond of him for reasons entirely separate from his wealth.
Our first meeting wasnt a romantic comedy by any stretch; he ran over my favourite tights and scuffed my suede heels with his shopping trolley at Sainsburysthe sheer audacity! He even shouted at me about queue-jumping.
But, being me, I gave as good as I got, and he ended up paying for my groceries and chasing me halfway across the mall to apologise.
Im dreadfully sorry, he said, rather flustered. Its been an awful day. Please allow me to help you with your bags.
No, thank you. I have my car outside and Ill manage just fine, I replied.
In reality, I absolutely did not have a carI just didnt want him hovering over me. I waited until he left, then made my way to the bus stop. Fate, or perhaps misfortune, meant he drove past and saw me waiting.
Please, get in, he insisted, blocking the pavement with his car while the queue for the bus grew increasingly vocal.
Eventually, I relented, caving under the pleading eyes of the other commuters.
When he wasnt running over feet and barking orders, he was actually quite pleasant. We could have been friends, under different circumstances. But William was intent on something more. Having thought hed never find another woman to measure up to Judith, he became absolutely smitten with mea woman entirely unlike her in manner and appearance.
He found out where I lived and, for weeks, would wait for me outside, undeterred by rain or cold. It felt odd at first, but his persistence wore me down, and I agreed to go out with him. Just as I did, by chance another position opened up in his company, and I applied; William had no say in the hiring, or so he said.
He didnt hide his feelings at work, nor was he extravagant with gifts. But he never let me feel neglected. I liked how he looked at me. Even more, I liked my big new flat in central London, the pleasant car, and the security he promised. I moved in fairly quickly and was soon introduced to his mother, Edith.
Edith was a gentle woman, living with William since his wife died. She cooked, tidied, ironed his shirts, and generally managed the house. When I arrived, she carried on as normal, and I never minded. I didnt want to be lady of the housebesides, her roast dinners were delicious.
Everything was fineuntil William decided to propose. What bothered me was that, even after Judiths death, he still wore his wedding ring.
I still feel connected to Judith, he confided, and I hated that feeling hanging over us, so I asked him to take it off.
If it bothers you, Ill remove it, he agreed, looking uncertain.
Youre not married anymore; otherwise, it feels like Im dating a married man, I explained, and he put the ring away. He forgot about it for a while, and things seemed to settle.
When he decided to propose, I didnt expect what came next. Restaurant, an elegant quartet playing, wineand at the bottom of my glass, a ring. I nearly choked when I saw it.
Will you marry me? William asked, plucking the ring from my hand and moving to slip it on my finger.
I pulled back. No.
What do you mean, no? he stammered.
I cant wear this ring.
But its a family heirloom! Do you know how much its worth?
I dont care how much it costs. I wont wear something that belonged to your late wife.
Why?
Its bad luck, thats why. Imagine if you asked me to wear her dress too! Your mother told me its still somewhere upstairs.
The dress can be replaced, but the ring is precious and irreplaceable. Look at the craftsmanshipthe gold, the stones!
Still, I refused. No. I wont wear it, and I dont want to see you wearing yours either.
Is that final? he asked, visibly upset.
Yes. Im sorry. I stood up, knowing Id ruined the evening.
I think we should take a break, he sighed.
I agree, I said quietly, and left. He didnt try to stop me. The musicians played on, and the waiter brought our dinner as the ring stayed locked away in its box.
Back at work, I avoided William, and he barely left his office anyway. Eventually, I went home to my parents. They welcomed me kindly, urging me to call off the engagement and find someone my own age.
Youre smart, prettyyou dont need William. Hes much too old and a widower to boot.
I had no answer. William looked like a good match, but I was deeply troubled by his inability to let go of Judith.
Days dragged. He didnt call. I dodged him and eventually signed off sick with a cold. Rumours spread like wildfirethe boss and his lovely fiancée are splitsville. William turned up to the office every day, more sour than a lemon, venting on everyone, staff and his own mother included. Edith tried to talk to him but only got a grumpy, vague mutter in reply.
Seeing this, Edith one day decided to visit me herself.
Hello, Emily. How are you, my dear?
Just a bit under the weather, Edith.
Is that why youve moved out? To save me from your germs? she squinted.
Not exactly, I blushed.
Come home, love. William is miserable without you.
Doesnt seem like it, I replied.
Hes too proud for his own good. He hasnt even told me what you argued about. You love each otherisnt that worth something?
He wants me to wear the family ringJudiths ring.
I see So, if not for the ring, things would be right?
We have to get rid of it, maybe sell it and choose something for ourselves. I cant bear the thought of wearing what she wore. Objects like that hold on to memories and energy.
Edith nodded. I agree, Emily. William simply isnt ready to move on. Hes caught between his grief and his feelings for you.
You cant build something new on old foundations, I replied, sighing. Thank you for visiting, Edith. It was good to see you.
She left, sadness colouring her gentle face. She pitied us both, knowing this little issue had deeper roots.
A week passed and I had to return to work. The idea of seeing William made me nervous, and he hadnt tried to reach me. Feeling braver, I drafted a letter of resignation and handed it in.
He signed it without a word, barely making eye contact. I could see, as he did so, the glint of that old wedding ring on his fingerback where it had always been.
Youre an adult, but youre acting like a child, I told him.
Youre the one to blame! No ones ever refused me anything before, he snapped.
I left without arguing. I knew Id made the right choice. Seeing the ring on his hand just confirmed ithed never let his late wife go. I packed my belongings, a weight lifting from my heart, and knew I wouldnt regret it.
Perhaps William would sulk and stew for months, wondering why I threw away a future with such a catch. But for the first time in weeks, I felt sure of myselfand free.
