Bird of Happiness
Valerie! Whats taking you so long? Ive been waiting and waiting! Sit down! Ann, my neighbour, shuffled along the bench under the cherry tree, making herself comfortable.
And why not, really? What a lovely evening! Why would I sit inside? All thats there is the television, and Whiskers, my cat. Dull as dishwater! But outside? Its spring! Early days yet, only April, but so warm already. Even the cherry tree, the one Anns late husband, Stephen, planted right outside the window, has woken up and burst into blossom. And the bench beneath it, which Stephen built as well, is all ready for our evening chats. Ann gave it a fresh lick of paint last week, and now it looks brand new! Its just waiting for us neighbours to settle ourselves down and begin the same old natter. About the kids, ailments, life, and love.
What else would women talk about? Even though weve known each other inside out for more than fifty years weve shared a landing since we were girls theres always something new cropping up, giving us another excuse to chat. The children keep growing, the aches and pains add up, and love well, you can never have too much of that. Usually, theres not nearly enough. Thats why every so often you find yourself hanging on someones words, waiting for them to tell you what it feels like, being loved. You listen, and somehow it makes your heart lighter. Even if your own heart feels like a quiet, desolate moor, at least somewhere, love still exists warming and lighting up lives.
Ann Alexandra, or just Annie, as everyone calls her, has known Valerie for as long as she can remember. We spent our childhood as neighbours, our mothers left the doors wide open so we could wander in and out as we pleased. Wherever youd find one of us, the other wouldnt be far behind playing dolls or skipping outside. It wasnt until we ran off to search for happiness one day that our mums decided to start locking up.
We were six.
Anns Granny had come down from Birmingham to visit. She told us the secret to life: the trick is to catch the bird of happiness by its tail and keep her nearby. If you manage that, everything will work out. Life will be sweet and smooth, and everyone around you will be content.
We didnt really grasp much about life, but we remembered the part about making everyone happy. Who wouldnt want their parents to stop arguing over silly things and just get along? So, we decided to hunt for this mysterious bird.
Luckily, Annie insisted she knew where the bird lived just next door! An odd, creaky-voiced old bloke kept a bird there, sometimes bringing it out to the garden. It was beautiful: bright colours, rather large, and it screeched in the strangest voice. But it had to be our bird of happiness! Even the zoo didnt have birds so magnificent.
We prepared for our quest carefully.
We found an old rabbit cage on Anns balcony left from when Granny once brought her a bunny. Obviously, you have to put the bird somewhere. You cant keep hold of its tail forever your hands will get tired and then how will you hold your ice cream, which would surely appear the moment happiness descended?
We also brought some bread, biscuits, and, since Valerie thought a bit, she tossed in a tasty toffee. You never know everyone likes sweets! It would be a shame if the bird found our bread a bit dull.
We didnt hurry. It was serious business, after all! Granny left for home, promising to whisk Annie away for the whole summer. The parents started packing for holiday they always went together with the neighbours, two families in one car to keep the costs down. Only a couple of hours to the English seaside. Hardly time to nod off! The house they rented was rickety but sturdy, with a big garden and swings, and the sea just a stones throw away. Bliss!
Annie wanted to go to Grannys but felt sorry for her friend. Valerie had no grandparents at all. None! How on earth does a child grow up without a Granny? No one to sneak you treats when Mums not looking. No one to tell you long, magical stories. No one to knit you a hat that looks almost like a crown, with a nice ribbon.
Annie figured that if they caught the bird, maybe then Valerie would get a Granny too. Perhaps even one from her own Grannys village, so theyd never need to be apart again. Worth the effort!
The day before they set off for the coast, we told our mums we were off round to each others houses to play and slipped out, quietly shutting the door behind us to stop it banging in the wind. We hushed each other to stifle giggles and tiptoed down the stairs.
Past our garden, into the next, and soon enough, the dreary grey house where the bird lived.
The garden was empty and quiet already hot, so everyone must be indoors or at work.
We exchanged nervous glances. How were we meant to find the bird when there was no one even to ask? Valerie was on the verge of tears, but Annie never did go in for crying over nothing. Needs must! Our dreams of a Granny for Valerie, a box of ice creams, matching spotty summer dresses, were all staked on catching that wretched bird. And their parents if we didnt find the bird, theyd only start arguing all over again.
And why did the bird have to be so cross, making us search all over for her instead of just sitting in a tree waiting? Nowhere to be seen!
Annie glanced around, grabbed Valeries hand, and marched determinedly to the entrance. Whats the point in standing about? We could always knock on someones door and ask.
There were so many flats in that building. And wed only tried one entrance! Some didnt answer must have been out. Others scolded us for mucking about.
But we kept going, drumming on the doors where we couldnt reach the bell, asking the same simple question:
Where does the bird of happiness live?
Grown-ups are so peculiar. Why not just answer a straightforward question? Instead, they shout, wave their arms, and one even threatened a smack. We ran from that grumpy woman quick smart and vowed never to knock on the green door with the funny handle again. Theres no way such unhappy people would ever house the bird of happiness.
Finally, we struck lucky with one flat. A boy a bit older than us opened the door. He shrugged and said:
Come in!
No happiness bird there either, but the flat was crammed with fascinating things. We were so enraptured we forgot all about the time and our quest.
Grotesque masks hung on the wall, and there were massive seashells where, if you held them to your ear, you could hear the roar of the ocean. On the sideboard stood a grand model ship, proper sails and sailor figurines clinging to the rigging.
Thats me and Dads! The Saint Anne.
Oh, thats like my name! Annie yanked her finger from the sail, giggling.
Youre called Anne too? My mums Anne.
And where is she?
Mum? At work. Shell be home soon. Dont your parents mind you wandering about alone?
Only then did it hit us that it was well past lunchtime, and our mums would surely be out searching. Worse, we could end up in the naughty corner for ages and ages.
Val! Quick, lets leg it!
In the rush, Annie forgot the birdcage and grabbed her friends hand, bolting for the door.
Wait! The boy caught up and held something out to us.
The feathers were so beautiful we were struck dumb, mouths agape, not daring to touch.
Whats this?
Peacock feathers! Mum brings them from the zoo where she works. Take them!
Breathless, we accepted the magical gift and dashed home, not even saying goodbye.
A proper storm was waiting for us.
Our mothers, teary and frantic, were dashing about the estate, shouting and hunting for their girls. The dads puffed nervously by the entrance, obeying the neighbourhood policeman, whod ordered no one to move an inch until he sorted things out.
When my mother spotted me, she gave a great gasp and sank onto the ground right on the playground.
Theyre found!
There was everything: tears, cuddles, and even a belt across the behind. Lucky for us, our parents barely had time for a proper scolding.
So a few days later, sitting on the swings in the garden of the house wed rented for the holiday, Valerie and I wriggled to get comfortable and whispered:
Val, we dont need a bird of happiness at all!
Why not?
Because Granny said, the greatest happiness is being loved.
So?
Well! If no one loved us, why would they have cried when we went missing? Theyd not have been scared that we might disappear forever, would they?
No, I suppose not
So, were already happy, arent we?
Im not sure.
I am!
And what about our parents?
What about them? Have they fallen out once in the last two days?
No
So, they can get along if they choose, they just dont always want to. No bird will help them they have to want it themselves.
That makes sense.
That summer became our favourite memory from childhood.
Ann Alexandra, every time she looks back, is glad to have someone to share those memories with. Not just share, but to ask, if something slips her mind. Its easier to remember the past as a pair.
Valerie, truth be told, has always remembered things better than me. Perhaps because shes calmer? Heaven knows. I have always been all action, darting about here and there, while Val would sit, ponder, and carefully line up her thoughts before making a move. Haste makes waste, as they say! She remembers everything as if it happened only yesterday.
Me, I met my future husband and didnt even recognise him at first. We dated over a month before I visited his home.
The Saint Anne…
The ship was still in the same place, where two little girls once gazed at it with wonder. And though those girls were now twenty-three and Val already had a husband, I felt just like that small girl again, scared to touch the sailor figurine in case I broke something precious.
After our wedding, I took the feather from my favourite book the one Id treasured for years and showed it to my husband.
Remember this?
And I laughed to tears, watching him struggle to recall what had happened all those years ago.
And happiness followed. A long, nearly thirty-year happiness with laundry and worries, first steps, first words, and illness too. When illness threatened to take me away, Stephen found the best doctors and held my hand the whole time, as the future hesitated on the threshold of our door, afraid to edge in the wrong direction. Then there was a day when time itself seemed to stop, and I simply forgot how to breathe, my life and my air vanishing with Stephen. And there was Valerie, right beside me she slapped my cheeks, jolting me back, before hugging me close, rocking me as if I were a child.
Hold on, Annie! Youve got children
And I did come round happiness was still there, battered and halved, but still gifted to me by Stephen. The children were grown, yes, but you cant leave both their parents in quick succession thats not how its meant to be! Where would they turn then? Hadnt Granny always said:
While someone stands between a child and the sky, theyre never an orphan! Lucky child
She was right. That meant I had to keep going. For the children, the grandchildren. Even when everyone moved away, work and all, and living independent lives as they should, I knew: I was needed and loved. I could pack a suitcase full of gifts and visit be it son or daughter, Id always be welcome. Or wait for the holidays then the grandchildren would fill the house again, and the old busyness would flood back. I wouldnt sleep at night, listening to their gentle snores. My bed the one I shared with Stephen wouldnt be empty. Even my eldest granddaughter, now shy, would perch at one end, listening wide-eyed to the same tales, pretending she didnt already know them by heart.
Peace would slowly seep back into my heart, a gentle happiness as light as a feather. Maybe, not as bright as the one my husband once gave me, but dearly wanted, nonetheless.
Not everyone is so lucky. Some people wish all their lives, but happiness never finds them. Valerie and I, somehow, managed it. We may not have caught the mythical bird, but we didnt lose our happiness either. Even as children we managed to sense it. If your children are healthy and well, the rest will come if you try and truly want it.
Val, for instance, had to really fight for hers. She and her husband, Anthony, desperately wanted children, but it just wouldnt happen. People envied how inseparable they were. Others grumbled about their husbands, but Valerie was always silent not out of secrecy, but out of simple contentment. She had nothing bad to say about Anthony not a single word.
They were two halves of a whole.
In my youthful cynicism, such stories seemed like nonsense until I met Stephen, and watched Valerie and Anthony. Thats where love lived.
Though their family wasnt without trouble. Anthony had a sprawling family seven aunts on both sides, two very formidable sisters, and every one with an opinion. It seemed there was no pleasing them! Whatever Valerie did, it was wrong.
Luckily, Anthonys mother, Mary, was a gem. She accepted Valerie from the start and never uttered a word of reproach. Whatever she did to raise those two wretched daughters is a mystery she certainly raised her son well.
Mary, soft-hearted and incapable of refusing anyone, struggled with tears but never with kindness. Valerie called her Mum almost from day one.
They all moved closer together after Mary sold up and bought a smaller flat near Anthony. She refused to live under their roof said she didnt want to be in the way but her knowledge of Valerie and Anthonys plans ran deep. Shed known what they intended for ages, quietly supporting them.
Mary helped them find their son. After years of working at the city hospital, she switched to being a midwife in the local maternity. Thats where she found their little boy.
Valerie and Anthony did everything properly, thinking it all through. They went away for nearly a year, knowing their relatives would never accept an adopted child. When they returned, it was with a little one in tow. Where did he come from? Who knows, and they never said. That was the only time I ever saw Valerie silence her family completely. The aunts grumbled, but Marys love for her grandchild soon quietened them down. He was, as far as they were concerned, her real grandson.
Anthonys sisters suspected, but wouldnt dare challenge Mary. If she ever pressed her lips and put the phone down, you knew not to cross her. She poured all her love into the little boy, knowing how much more orphan children need warmth to settle in. Mary doted on him and helped Valerie, believing that was how to safeguard her sons happiness and family.
So life went on. Val with her husband and son. Me with my family.
We had our holidays together, the children grew up side by side. Once more, our doors were always open no need to fumble with keys though we did keep an eye to make sure no repeats of the bird incident.
When Stephen passed away, it left a void and the ache of lost dreams.
Anthony followed not too long after never a word of complaint about his health, then one day a blood clot, completely unexpected. He worked at the hospital, had all the health checks, but sometimes things get missed
Valerie nearly broke. It was my turn then to stand guard, holding her back from slipping away forever.
You have a son, Valerie! Parents. Mary Alexandra! You cant wallow in grief, not when they need you. Think what would Anthony say, seeing you drown in tears after a month? He loved you more than he cared for himself. Would he want his love wasted to the wind? It wouldnt be right, Val! Anthony would never have approved
Maybe it was those words, or simply that she knew how many people relied on her, but Valerie pulled through. She, too, learned to live again, carrying her love however she knew how.
She raised her son with care Paul became an officer, always on the move between barracks, but never forgotten his mum. Twice a year he brings the grandchildren, or his wife, sweet Susan, comes alone. Susan and Valerie get on better than most mothers and daughters Val learned well from her mother-in-law, making all the right choices, and never once questioned Pauls choice of bride.
Of course, there were doubts.
Paul didnt just bring a wife home, but her child from a former relationship. Thered barely been a marriage; Susan had been left six months pregnant after her partner went abroad, sent a letter to say hed never return. At least he signed over rights to let Paul adopt the boy.
Val stood aside as Paul introduced Susan to her, then swept the toddler into her arms, saying:
Hello, Im Granny Val! Would you like a biscuit? No? Lets look under the tree I think Father Christmas left some presents! I saw him myself, you know. Come on, lets find them!
What does a mothers heart need to soften? Not much at all. Accept her child as your own, and shell warm to you in an instant.
Val understood that long ago, and put it into practice at last.
So now Susan is as good as a daughter to her, and Valerie counts her grandchildren from the eldest, adopted or no she loves him first among the lot.
Val, when are we heading to the cottage? Warm enough at last! I craned my neck to glimpse the cherry blossom against the gathering dusk.
This weekend, after a good clean-out.
Oh! I forgot, Easters early this year. Time to tidy up properly, eh?
Its time! And I need to get started on the food.
Are yours coming?
For two days, passing through. The eldest is thinking of going up to Cambridge, so theyll stop by to see how things are. He might leave the little ones for a couple of weeks not settled yet. And yours?
Not until summer. The little ones arent at nursery anymore school now, so theres still term time left. Ages to wait!
Only six weeks!
Seems longer when youre waiting for something nice.
Thats always the way. Time stretches out when were waiting for a treat, then whips by the moment it arrives. And you know what, Annie?
What?
Id give anything for just one of those little moments. However tiny, you remember them for years, stringing those happy memories together like beads. Happiness is peculiar like that theres never too much, and only too little if you dont see how much youve really got.
Absolutely! Remember our hunt for the bird of happiness?
Of course! I couldnt sit down for a week after Mum was in such a state, Dad felt a lesson was in order. And you bounced along beside me, just as naughty!
True enough! But you know, Valerie?
What?
I reckon we did catch the bird, in the end. We just didnt notice it at the time. Shes been flying beside us all these years. Otherwise, how do you explain having all the things so many women yearn for and never get? Our families, our men, our children and grandchildren! You cant say we arent blessed?
Id say youre right! And we ought to thank our little bird. Maybe let her flap her wings a bit more so the people we love can be happy too
That summers evening, as we sat together under the cherry blossoms, I sighed, counting my blessings. Some happiness is hard-won, but ours, we realised, had always been close at hand. All wed needed to do was look.
