Creepy-Crawlies
The creepy-crawlies in Marys head were dancing a jolly jig. A lively, foot-stomping number.
Arms (or legs, rather) were waved like lanterns and there was a proper stomp-tap-clap routine in time with the music, which in Marys mind grew louder and louder.
No, really, they were usually a fairly docile lot. Quiet, meek, well-bred. That last quality was never in short supply. Mary had shaped their personalities herself, endlessly and with relishher own hadnt been enough at the start.
Her gran always said that having a few creepy-crawlies in your head was actually a good thing. If a person had a few oddities, it marked them as a character, someone bright and sparky. Such folk made the world more entertaininga little excitement does no harm, she insisted, especially in the humdrum of daily life.
Excitementthat wasnt Marys idea, but her grans. She was no ordinary grannyan old girl with her finger on the pulse. She loved trendy expressions and all sorts of nonsense. At eighty-something, she was still a firecracker. Properly active, she was.
Technically, Gran wasnt Marys granny but her great-gran. But who needs all those greats anyway, when the original gran was long gone and the great-gran had slipped into the role without a hitch? These details, Mary thought, were irrelevant.
Mary loved her granny. Who else did she have? Nobody closerMum didnt count!
As for Marys mum There were no others like her, honestly! Bright, beautiful, and a headmistress to boot! Not just any primary, either, but not where Mary went. Thankfully. That was Grans doingshe insisted Marys mum send her to another school instead of pulling strings at her own.
Why bring your work home? Gran had said.
What do you mean?
Simple. There, shell be Mary. Here, shell be the heads daughter. Dont spoil her reputationshell need that in life! Easy lost, hard gained. No point me telling you though, is there? Youre not a child!
Gran always spoke plain. She didnt sugarcoat; it was the honest way, she said. Mary couldnt say if that was best, but she could see its effect. Gran had raised Marys mum since she was five, from the time Marys great-great granher mums mumpassed away. What exactly happened, Mary only found out much later. Neither Mum nor Gran liked to bring it up.
Pure accident, Mary love. A silly one. An icicle Someones laziness, an uncleared roofcost a persons life. Lucky it wasnt more. Your mum was with her, you knowif your grandma hadnt pushed her out of the way, I’d be utterly alone now.
Granny, can accidents happen to anyone?
Want the truth?
Yes
To anyone at all. You, me, even the Archbishop of Canterbury. Anyone, my darling. But its no reason to fear.
So whats the point?
The point is to live! Live each minute as if it might be your last. Give to the world something no, even better, something incredible! Give just as much as you can, ask nothing in return, simply to make the world a little kinder, a little better, more beautiful. Brighter, love! Theres enough darkness already. No need to add to it.
Thats easy to say, Gran. Doing is harder. I know.
Good that you do! Shows youre thinking in the right direction! Your creepy-crawlies are growing clever.
Whos growing? Gran, ugh! Why creepy-crawlies?
Mary wasnt a fan of actual insects. Butterflies and beesthose were all right, even sweet. But something about those creepy-crawlies with so many legs always made her squirm.
Argh, Granny! A creepy-crawly!
Dont touch it! It might have babies! Gran would deftly swipe it with her slipper and peer around, on alert.
See any more? shed ask.
No! But, Gran, you just said it might have babies!
Yes, and now I want to know where they are!
This was the cue for a massive clean, and Mary knew the poor creatures offspring were done for too.
Later, grown-up, Mary realised Gran was soft-hearted. She knew Mary was the type to make a fussloudlybut slow to act. By the time Mary did something herself, the creepy-crawly would have grandchildren.
Everyone knew this about Maryfrom Gran to her gymnastics coaches.
Your daughters talented, the coach told Gran one day. Flexible, all the right stuff, but she thinks too slow. Its risky in this sport. Maybe try something else.
Ill think on it! Gran took Mary to chess club next.
It was the perfect fit. No pressure; all the time in the world to think, and praise for her ponderous ways! Mary stayed for years.
Gran loved showing off Marys trophies to the neighbours. Shed parade the latest cup for all to see.
Youre a star, Mary!
Gran, youre scary when you say that!
Why?
Because you once said stars miss out on happiness. I dont want to be a star! No thanks, not my idea of joy!
Youve misunderstood.
So explain! Im a child!
Gran always took Marys questions seriously, never brushing them aside. Not always to her mum’s liking.
Mum, what have you been telling her now? Marys mother teased. Today Mary asked me, What does it mean to carry something up your skirt? Shes thirteen, Gran!
So what? Children are precocious these days. You should hear what goes on in her class! Love triangles, dramaI feel like a boarding school girl, though I was married three times! Still learning about life!
Well, Marys never told me these things
You never ask. Were all like this, loveus Smiths. Walking softly through life, but in our heads, the creepy-crawlies are kicking up a cancan! Talk to her. Dont worry! I never tell Mary more than she needs to know. If she remembers it, its important. Shes a clever girl with a cracking memory.
But Granthat cleverness is strange sometimes. She asks the oddest things. How am I supposed to talk to her?
Like I talked to you, remember?
You never hid a thing. Always up front. Why was that?
Because lifes slaps hurt more if youre not prepared. Better you learn from me than make all your mistakes through life! Look at youwell-prepared, but still you had Mary at nineteen, and unmarried. What good did that do?
Gran!
I know, I knowtalk of love, not knowing anything about Marys fathers family. Its all right! Hes none the wiser for leaving, and we have our Mary. Shame youre alone though, Lizzie. That bothers me most. Young, smart, beautiful, but no one of your own. Its not right.
Granny, dont start.
I wont, if you promise to stop being frightened of your own shadow and use your head. One mistake isnt the end of the world.
I know! And Marys not a mistake!
Didnt say she wasyour cant-live-without-you love, thats all. Remember when you ran away? I searched the whole of Manchester for two weeks.
I remember! And when you finally found me, you didnt utter a word of censure. Just brought your famous steak-and-kidney pie, and acted like nothing had happened. No fight, no tears. Gran, I love you
I know, love. Now let an old lady get on with raising our girl!
Of course
Marys mum found happiness after allMary was nearly sixteen. For almost a year, Elizabeth dated her new chap in secret, not daring to tell her family shed found someone to build a life with.
Mary uncovered the truth firstspotting her mum in a café, hand-in-hand with a stranger, smiling in a way Mary had never seen. It transformed hermade her look younger, full of life. Mary realised, perhaps for the first time, that her mum was actually still quite young. In the moment, Marys reaction was less than thrilled, but walking home, she had a change of heart.
Gran, did you know?
That your mum had someone new? I guessed.
I dont want to get in her way
So dont. Whats stopping you?
What if he hurts her?
Gran, busy making dumplings in the kitchen as Mary burst in, dusty and anxious, dusted off her hands, and pulled Mary in for a hug.
No one will hurt her with us around. Our Lizzie has backup.
Mary didnt argue. Gran wasnt just a kindly old soulshed once been a detective inspector, and a clever one toocaught two serial criminals back in the day. If anyone knew how to spot trouble, it was Gran. Mary was convinced her gran knew more about her mums boyfriend than she let on, and if that infamous little wrinkle didnt appear on her forehead, things were fine. Accepting him though, would be another step. Could she let her mum go?
She had to, in the end. Andrew BrownMums suitorcame to their home, formally asked for Mums hand, and Mary had to give her blessing. There was no faking the way he spoke of his love. Marys mums anxious wrinkle disappeared entirely. Mary really liked that.
Jealousy didnt vanish overnight. She did her best to hide annoyance, but it bled through, especially after Marys new little brother arrived. Mum seemed happier than ever. Mary let her frustration out to Gran.
We failed you, child! Should have been stricter! Gran huffed.
What? Gran, please!
Well, I thought you understood, when you didnt move in with your mother newlyweds and all that. I was proudthought youd grown up, realised the value of letting her have her life. Turns out I was mistaken. Cant believe I raised such an egotist! I must be getting old
Gran! Im not against it! Its just
It hurts? That youre not the centre of attention? Mary, try seeing this another way. Youre not alone anymore. Neither me nor your mum will last forever. Now therell always be someone.
I know! But
Its still hard?
Yes, Gran! Why am I like this?
Youre normal! Youre just used to your mum being all yours. Now you have to share. Thats fine.
But
Heres a thought: dont divide her time. Just be there. Pop round after your studies, help out, get your share of hugs. Takings the easy partgivings harder. Love is just that: the more you give, the more you get back. Or do you doubt your mum adores you?
No!
Then rein in your creepy-crawlies! In a year or two youll be married yourself, maybe have kids. Time to grow up, Mary! Not as if youve nothing to do.
That last wasnt fairMary had enough to manage, with A-levels looming and a place at university to win. And then there was Tom. Not a boyfriend yet, far from itat that time, Mary and the tall, bespectacled oddball from the next form were thoroughly at odds.
They first met on the stairs, September terms first day. All dressed up for assembly, Mary tripped, sprained her ankle, and got this from Tom:
Be careful, will you? The quiet ladwhose name Mary didnt know yet, he was so unremarkablepicked up her bag and offered a hand.
Oh really? Is that so? Help, then! Mary was in pain and cross.
I am helping. Youre not making sense. Calm as a judge.
Mary felt a surge of indignation.
She hobbled away without his hand, into the deputy heads office.
Mary, whats happened?
Just not watching where Im going.
We need to take you to the nurse ASAP!
Ill go later, dont worry.
When, exactly? Tom poked his head in, dropped off her bag.
Need carrying anywhere?
What?
The nurses office. Might be a sprain.
Leave me be! Ill manage myself! Why was this chap so irritating?
Tom just shrugged and left. The deputy head shook her head, tutting.
Why so short with Tom? Hes a startop of the class, the schools pride. Hes planning to be a doctor, like you. Whats the issue?
Nothing Mary mumbled, but secretly, she took note.
So, he wanted to be a doctor too. All right, well see.
Mary never wrestled over her career. Paediatric medicine felt important and complicatedthe very thing for her, someone who never sought easy roads and savoured a challenge.
Mary and her creepy-crawlies loved a proper conundrum. Like her mum and her brother, Alex. He was a handful: noisy, wilful, and ever so loving. Hed learnt to recognise Mary quickly and threw fits if she didnt visit. Mary had her own room at her stepdads now, and often helped out at weekends.
Truthfully, she was helping herself. Cradling her brother, Mary couldnt shake a feeling of need. She loved the lively boy who pulled her hairbut admitting that was difficult. Advice from Gran, hints from Mum, they didnt quite fix things.
Her inner problems sat like a snowball, with the creepy-crawlies inside her celebrating every fresh neurosis. Mary had to work on herself. With Alex, love came in timehard not to love someone who idolises youbut there were other things to fix.
Alex made Mary wonder if shed chosen the right path.
Gran, maybe I shouldnt go into paediatrics if I dont love children?
Who said you dont love them, just because youre not mad on all of them?
I dont know…
Youre overthinking, Mary.
Maybe. But its something to consider. What if Im unkind?
You make me proud!
How?
Because youre thinking seriously. You’re rightpaediatrics isnt for people who cant stand children. So best you figure yourself out now.
How do I do that?
Ill think of something.
Grans imagination was always reliablethis time, she had an unusual idea. She arranged for Mary to help a large family.
Big household, lots of lively kids. If you can handle them, youre all set.
How do you know them, Gran?
Gran sipped her water, gazed out of the window, and then told Mary the truth.
Theyre my mistake, perhaps my biggest. Vera, the mum, came to me onceaccused her stepdad of killing her mother, who had been missing for three months. Three children, youngest barely a year old. Vera was the eldest. Her mother had vanished like this before, only to come back later. Of the children, only the middle one was the stepdads, maybe not even him.
‘Why did he stay if she was unfaithful?’ Mary asked.
‘Who knows? Odd households everywhere. I only got involved after Veras stepdad attacked her. Wanted her to replace his wifeshe was seventeen and tried to scare her. Thankfully, her brother, a special child, defended her. Vera had no family support, so she fought her corner herself, with help from a schoolboy friend and his parents, who were true good peoplepersistent enough to force an investigation. Eventually we found Vera’s mum, and two other missing women. If Veras case had been taken sooner, perhaps one would still be alive.’
‘So your mistake was not acting fast enough?’ Mary asked.
‘Thats right. Vera knew he was dangerous but struggled to be heard. Without help, who knows what might have happened. He dodged justice in the endtook matters into his own hands.’
‘What about Vera?’
‘She did brilliantly. Raised both brothers, ones an engineer, ones in the Army. Started her own familythree kids, and now there are grandkids too. Still busy as ever. We stayed in touchI became her friend, would you believe? Despite the age difference, shes full of wisdom. Thats why I sent you her way. Help with the kids and youll learn what youre made for.’
Marys work experience with Vera was a triumph. She got on well, and with the childrenwell, thats where Mary fell in love with her future profession. She poured her energies into revision.
Mary got her university offer; marks were enough, though she was never satisfied, always raising the bar.
How surprised she was on the first day, in the corridor, to bump into Tom.
So, youre here too.
That even voice, only faintly surprised, set Mary bristling.
Yes, I am! But what brings you here?
Im a student, he replied, as if that explained everything, which it did. Tom wasnt chatty; shed see that later. For nearly a year, Mary kept up her sour attitude when they met, scowling in corridors or at student coffee shops. Tom never mindednodded as to a familiar acquaintance, but rarely more.
He finally noticed her when Mary, as part of a student group, volunteered at the local childrens ward for orphans. She was wrestling with a clown wig when a dry, sardonic voice called out:
Now I never expected to find you here. Lost, are you?
That afternoon, the children were in stitches watching the antics of two clownish students, oblivious to the flirtatious battle going on. Mary realised, while faux-kicking Tom, that he really didnt annoy her anymore. Tom mucked about with the kids, laughing and making balloon dogs, hugging all and sundry.
Afterwards, Tom lingered, then handed Mary a flower balloon.
Here. You were great today! Nice working with you.
Thanks Mary accepted.
Where to now? Coffee before you head home?
Why are you so troublesome? Mary spun her balloon flower, but smiled. All right.
Thats settled, then. Theres a good café nearby. But I only have an hour.
Why?
Im tutoringneed to dash to my pupils place after.
She found out Tom lived only with his mum, worked to support her, andover timediscovered his creepy-crawlies were remarkably similar to her own. That sealed things. As Gran always said:
The most important thing is to find someone whose quirky bits match yours. There arent many on earth. If you find one, hold on with both hands. Who knows what might happen?
Did you ever meet people like that? Mary asked.
Absolutely! All three of my husbands loved my breed of oddity. They had their own to boot!
Why did you split up then, Gran?
Thats a different story Gran grinned. Ill save it for another day. Let your quirks learn on their own. I never split over lack of love or understanding, lets say. Im friends with all three to this day. When youre older, Ill tell you the truth. Not just yet.
I suppose that makes sense.
Good! And I like your Tom. Hes a good man, almost as good as you.
Why almost?
Because hes betterputs up with you!
Oh Gran!
Well? Has he proposed?
Not yet.
He will, soon enough. Are you fond of him?
I think I love him
Good! Get your slippers ready, then!
Gran!
You worry too much! Im not going anywhere. But when I see your children, then Ill think about it.
What children? Were not even married!
You will be, its no trouble!
And now the creepy-crawlies in Marys head danced a wild jig.
All because Gran was rightTom did propose, ring in hand and all the traditions. Marys mum cried her eyes out, Gran clapped so hard she forgot her arthritis, and even Vera and her noisy brood came, shedding tears and saying:
Hes a good man, Marydont lose him!
No chance, Aunt Vera, even if I tried.
How do you know?
Because our quirks are the same. Gran says thats rare. Can’t go throwing away treasures.
Vera laughed, did a little lantern-waving of her own, and hugged Mary. Weve gained a new friend today. Congratulations! Were both in good companylets go give your Gran and Tom a squeeze. With heartsand quirkslike yours, youre bound to keep the world brighter. Never forget it.
And Mary never did. She realisedlife is unpredictable, sometimes difficult, but its love and the little oddities we embrace that truly make it worth living.
