Family Heirloom
No! Dont try to talk me out of it, Mum! Im determined to do this, and nothing you say will change my mind!
Hannah, really Why? Why are you so set on this? Cant you explain?
Because he walks into the room a full minute before I do! Because I cant even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Because Ill never be able to make a proper life for myself this way! Ill never have a husband, let alone children! Good grief, Mum! How can you not understand? And that was when I broke down, hurling my hairbrush at an unsuspecting Oliver.
Oliver, my unruly tabby, was busy tearing at the cushion above his head, only half-listening to our argument. That very cushion was something Id embroidered by hand, originally meant as a present for Grandma. But after that infamous, dividing row that split our family into two camps, the gift never reached its intended recipient. The velvet roses now belonged to meand to Olivers claws, whod managed sneak attacks more than once.
Oliver only ended up part of our family because of my actions, and I felt obligated to try and teach some manners to that defiant creature Id rescued one summer from some local boys. Theyd been torturing him, certain that with no owner, no adult would step in. But they hadnt counted on me.
Theyd underestimated me, like everyone did. I might look gentle walking around with my music folder, which was just how Mum liked her only daughter. But Dad had pushed a bit more force into me; I had a black belt in karate, along with a hoard of trophies crammed on the shelfmuch to my irritation when it was dusting day. I hated housework, and the accumulating dust on those so-called prizes always made me despair. Mum refused to let me hide those wretched trophies, insisting they boosted my self-esteem.
My martial arts had come in handy more than once; the rowdy crowd ran off licking their wounds, and suddenly I had inherited a scrawny, half-bald kitten with a pitiful, bare tail. Mind you, that tail quickly flourished, and Oliver the Cat soon became the picture of feline confidence, convinced I belonged to him and not the other way round. He saw no reason ever to worry again; the world was his oyster, so long as he occasionally repaid my care by allowing a scratch behind the ears.
The day Oliver became one of us, I was trudging home from the Royal College of Music in a foul mood. I was preparing for a big competition, but it simply wasnt going well. My fingers, usually so nimble on the piano, went stiff and awkward the moment my course-mate, Daniel, strolled into the rehearsal hall.
Daniel and I had known each other for what felt like forever. Wed gone to the same school, then the same arts college. But after a few months awaysummer break, then Daniels travels for his familysomething had changed. When we finally met again, I found myself freezing up when he greeted me, chattering away as usual with an arm slung over my shoulder. But suddenly, in that rush of happiness Id never felt before, I didnt want the moment to end. Another time, Id have wriggled away and given him a playful smack on the head. Now, I just wanted to stay there, soaking up his warmth, letting myself dissolve with delight.
Of course, once Daniel dashed off, rustling his sheet music and making a scene about his grand return, I scolded myself for my foolishness. Honestly, Hannah! What is wrong with you? Falling apart like that?
But the feeling wouldnt go away. I found myself glancing at Daniel all the time, only to snap my gaze down if he turned my way.
It was as wonderful as it was excruciating. Part of me wanted so badly to blurt everything out to him. The other part of me was so terrified at the thought that my hands went cold and my mind blanked out.
I suffered. Truly.
I couldnt confide in anyone about what was happening to me. Mum wouldnt understandor at least, I thought so. Not that it really mattered. I just wasnt ready to talk to her about falling in love for the first time.
Things between Mum and I were always complicated. We loved each other desperately, but lets just say we both had strong personalities, and we both knew it. It meant we had to try and hold back sometimes, not to hurt someone we cared for so deeply. It didnt always work, and there would be an argument. Mind you, it wasnt the shouting, crockery-smashing sort; it just meant one of us, usually me, shut the door quietly, and then silence settled like a heavy blanket.
Civilised emotional destruction, Grandma called it, back when she was still around to see how we got on.
Phenomenal nonsense, shed add later.
I agreed with her, but I couldnt break the pattern. Still, it was almost always me who went to patch things up first, easing the fragile peace back into our home.
Deep down, I knew my mother loved me to the point of pain. To Mrs. Judith Evans, nothing in the world was more precious than her daughter, and I never doubted that. I also knew shed do anything in the name of that loveeven if it meant locking her precious child beneath a bell jar, upheld by chains, shielded from every possible harm.
Mum protected me as best she knewmeaning that outside our house and my studies or the odd countryside jaunt, I knew precious little. Id never gone to camp, and rarely saw my classmates outside of lessons. My only friends were children of Mums acquaintances, carefully selected as suitable companions. They were complete strangers to me. Truthfully, I couldnt stand themAnna would always poke fun at me with her clever but biting little comments, and Sam had been a little hooligan from the start. On his very first visit, he tore the head off my much-loved teddy bear and said, He deserved it! I never could work out what poor Teddy had done wrong, but after that, I wailed every time Sam darkened the door.
Oh, such a shame the children didnt hit it off! Theyd have been a lovely couple! Sams elegantly dressed mum would sigh, patting my head, but I ignored her kindness, sensing how shallow it was.
Judith! Dont smother the girl, GrandmaMargaret Olivia Evanswould say, letting me cuddle close as she lectured my mother. Give her choices! Otherwise, shell always feel like theres something missing.
Margaret, dont start! Shes just a child. What choices can she have? Im responsible for her. The decisions are mine.
Just dont let that last too long. Dont make the mistake of thinking shes your property.
For some reason, I never forgot that conversation. It echoed in my head whenever Mum got stubborn about something:
Mum, Im not your property!
Which, of course, drove her round the bend.
Stop repeating what others say! You need a mind of your own.
Ive got one! That would be the start of another silence.
I lost touch with Grandma after the great family row. Who was right, who was wrongId stopped wondering. Theyd all made mistakes.
Grandma, who blurted out in front of everyone,
You shouldve managed your nerves during pregnancy! Sensitive soul, indeed At least think of the child, not just yourself! You knew your health problems, and you still let things get so complicated? Judith, what were you thinking?
And Mum, who tormented Dad and me when she was expecting. Shed wake us in the dead of night, sobbing on the floor, howling,
Youre unbearable! Have you no heart? None of you care!
I never understood or knew quite what she wanted from us. Dad and I tiptoed on eggshells keeping Mum calm, but it didnt help. In the end, she miscarried late, and afterwards nobody really wanted to pick over what had gone wrong. Mum blamed the world, and only Grandma ever dared speak the truth.
If you try again, you need a proper doctor, not your own stubbornness! Shouldve come to me. Pride? Foolishness? You always insist on doing things your way, and see the consequences! Children dont just appear, especially at your age. Thats the doctor in me talkingnot your mother-in-law! Listen to me for once. Get the right help, settle your hormones, stay calm. Stop tormenting your family! They arent to blame for not tying you to the bed. Theyve done their best, and yet you blame them! Pull yourself together. Youre a wife and a mother. ACT like it! You already have a childtreasure her, and maybe youll be blessed with another.
This conversation almost landed Grandma in hospital with her blood pressure, and Mum never forgave her.
Dad tried to make peace for a while, but you cant win with two stubborn women in a house, so he gave up and hoped time would heal.
It didnt. I missed Grandma terribly, but after all that, I wouldnt cross Mum. She grieved so hard and clung to me tighter than everI was her reason for going on.
But, Mum, why did you never try again? You always wanted a little boy
I only asked once, and Mums look was enough to warn me never to bring it up ever again.
Grandma was, perhaps, the only person I might have confided my biggest secret tobut she was gone. She decided to make Dads life easier, sold her London flat, bought a little cottage down in Cornwall, and moved there.
It will be better this way, son. Peace for everyone.
From then on, Dad would visit her twice a year as a matter of course. Mum accepted this, but she never let me go with him.
I dont want her turned against me.
I hated it, but I loved them both and tried, in my own way, to keep the peace.
When Mum wasnt looking, Id take Grandmas photo from its hiding place between the pages of my favourite book.
Whoever had taken that photothe way it was done amazed me. How could it make Grandma, the Evans familys greatest treasure, look so perfect, when I looked in the mirror and just felt like crying?
My nose. The Evans trademark. Striking and outrageously beautiful, according to all the family.
I only ever kept striking. There was nothing beautiful about my nose, in my opinion.
Its just huge! Anna, who I hadnt seen in at least a decade, gasped once when we ran into each other. She even reached out with her perfectly manicured finger to poke my nose, Sorry, but its so funny! Youre like Pinocchio! Doesnt it get in the way when you kiss? Ohhold on! Wait! Havent you ever? Oh my God, Hannah! Seriously? Youve never? Not once? The way youre blushing says everything! Unbelievable! Your age and not even a boyfriend? Honestly!
How I managed not to tear Annas immaculate hair out, I still dont know. She was nothing to menot a friend, certainly not a confidant. Shed been living in Spain for over five years by then, only coming back for quick visits. Mum set up that last meeting out of the blue before Annas flight back, never asking if it was what I wanted.
You cant go through life like this, darling! You havent seen each other in years!
And Id have been perfectly happy for it to stay that way. Why, Mum?
Because its important. For you, mainly. Dont ask silly questions nowyoull thank me later.
Oh, I did thank her, all right. In the most polite language I could muster. But what that meeting really did was push me to make one of the most adult, clear decisions Id ever made.
Im having surgery. A nose job.
No! Mum stared at me, horrified. I wont allow it! Why would you?
Theres no point trying to dissuade me, Mum. Dad already agrees with me. I know what I want.
You wouldnt dare Her whisper was almost too quiet to hear.
After that, Mum burst into tears and retreated to her room, searching for an answer.
It only came late into the night, and it was so obvious and simple that she seemed stunned. Then she dashed off to beg Dad for Grandmas number.
I was on a flight to Cornwall by morning.
Mum personally drove me to Heathrow. As she hugged me goodbye she whispered, Youll make so many mistakes in life, my darlinglose things where you might find so much if youd only look. Dont repeat my mistakes. Just remember: Im waiting for you, and I love you more than my own life, more than anything in the world. Even if it doesnt always seem like itI do.
What else could I do but nod, hold her tight, then board my flight? Grandma was waiting for me, and right then, nothing could be more important.
Grandma Margaret welcomed me so warmly I didnt get to discuss things properly for two daysnot until the excitement had subsided.
Hannah, tell me: whats happened to make your mother finally act like a proper woman?
I dont know. Maybe the fact that I want a new nose.
But why? Youre beautiful! A bit of make-up would never go amiss, but thats all.
Not you as well, Grandma! I look like Pinocchio!
Whoever put that nonsense in your head?
People some.
I bit my lip, not to cry, thinking of picture-perfect Anna. No trouble snaring boys for her! Girls like that had their pick, while I
Anyone who openly insults anothers looks, especially a womans, isnt a real person. Theyre a mistakeone the Lord must have overlooked before sending into the world. No one is perfect, Hannah. Least of all women! Show me one whos happy with her looks, and you could shut down the Guinness Book of Records right then.
Should I enter? For biggest nose, that is! Id be right at the topno doubt about it.
Grandma smiled, got up, and disappeared into the next room. She came back with a dark blue velvet photo album.
Here.
Whats this?
These are the women for whom our familys treasure never stood in the way of happiness. Your ancestors, love. Not allsome photos were lost. You wont find any of my great aunts herekilled in London during the war. One was able to save her daughter, left her jewels with a neighbour in exchange for hiding the little one. That remarkable woman kept her safe and even returned the jewellery years later, saying the girl should have some memory of her family. That little one grew up to be Dr. Florence: Im sure you remember her. Such a surgeon! Her hands saved so manydespite always needing a special mask in surgery. Here, see?
A tall woman in a swimming costume, laughing in the surf and holding her wide-brimmed hat. The handsome man by her could have modelled for any magazine.
Thats Uncle Michael?
It is! So young, so full of life. Florence was so happy all the years they had together.
But didnt he fall ill, Grandma?
Yes His last years were hard, but Florence gave up her work to be with him every second. Fed him, cared for him, cherished each moment. And when he passed, she followed half a year latershe couldnt let go.
What a fate
Yes. But Florence is just one example. We never changed our surname, even in marriage; it was our way to preserve the Evans legacy. Its where the noses come from. And yet, every girl in our line has made her own happiness; they found love and happiness and saw children and grandchildren, some even great-grandchildren. Thats something, isnt it?
Grandma got up again and returned with a little carved box.
Its time, I think. Take this, Hannah. Florence left something to every girl in our family. Each of us has a keepsake.
The earrings I took from the box were so beautiful my breath caught, and my hands trembled just like they did when I saw Daniel.
These were made by your great-great-uncle, my dear. A master goldsmith. He could see beauty where others saw none. He loved the countryside and it inspired his work.
Are these lilies? I asked, examining the flower shapes encrusted with tiny stones.
Yes. His wife was called Lily. He made them for her, then she passed them down. Now theyre yours.
Oh Grandma, this is a real family treasure!
Just like your nose, darling. Imagine if I decided this masterpiece of jewellery was outdated and tasteless and had it melted down for some cheap modern thingno history, no soul. Wouldnt that be a crime?
Clutching the earrings, I shook my head.
That would be wrong.
Dont tempt fate, my love, by criticising whats been given you. Everything that makes you, is as it should be. Now tell me, whos this boy whos troubling your peace? Whats he like, this Daniel? Family? What does he do?
Grandma, how did you know? I blushed scarlet, eyes down.
Isnt it obvious? Grandma grinned. I wasnt always an old woman, you know!
We talked late into the night. I told her everything. For the first time, I felt I could breathe again, focus on my music, and look to the future without that sticky fear clinging to me. I had someone to confide in at last.
Next morning, I found Grandma packing a suitcase.
Where are you off to?
Its time to put the past back together, Hannah. Ive made mistakes, tooand the worst was letting something break that never should have been broken. I need to see your mother.
Grandmas resolve was unshakeable. I quietly helped her pack and arranged a taxi to the station.
Later, curled up at home with Oliver purring by my side, I listened to quiet voices in the kitchen. How I longed to join them, to sit with Grandma and Mum, and ask if theyd finally found some peace But I knew it was best to wait. We had a long way to go before our family would be truly happy again, but at least the beginnings of change were there. Building happiness takes patience, as delicate as a jewellers work.
A year later, as Mum, now pregnant, struggled to her feet while the makeup artist applied the last touches, she reached out to adjust a lily-shaped earring in my left ear, settled my veil, and said,
Well, are you ready?
One moment! Just a dab of powder on the family treasure, I joked, turning to the mirror.
I caught my reflection, nodded quickly, thinking back to when, trembling, Id finally asked Daniel if anything about my appearance bothered him.
Not at all, Hannah. Not in the slightest! Why do you ask?
The look of genuine confusion was enough to make me want to burst with happiness.
A smile, a glint from beneath fluttering lashes, and my arms round the neck of that tousle-haired, gangly musicianfresh from winning an international contest.
Oh, no reason, love. No reason at allI just wanted to make sure youd recognise me, even when Im old and my nose is the first thing you see, Id whispered, laughing through the tears I couldnt hide anymore.
Thats how Ill always find you, he said, his lips brushing where velvet roses bloomed on my cheek.
Now, with my mother stroking my hair, Grandma smoothing my gown, and Dad trying not to cry behind his camera, I realized the true family heirloom wasnt a nose or a piece of gold. It was the bravery to love yourselfflaws, fears, and alland to let others do the same.
Outside, Oliver sat like a furry lord, guarding the velvet cushion in the sun. Inside, three generations looped arms as the wedding march began, and I took my first step forwardnose held high, heart finally, blissfully unburdened.
