Diagnosis Betrayal
So, you two are really quite serious, arent you? Margaret Collins voice was insistent, almost demanding. She scrutinised her sons girlfriend over the rim of her reading glasses. When do you think youll be getting married, then?
Emma forced a polite smile, trying to choose her words carefully so not to offend her possible future mother-in-law. I dont think were quite ready yet. Weve only been living together a month. I think its important we get to know each others habits Who knows, maybe well start bickering over dirty dishes?
Margaret raised an eyebrow but wasnt about to be fobbed off. In truth, she rather liked Emmaespecially compared to Daniels previous girlfriend, Lauren, who had been unbearable and cheeky to boot. Thank goodness Daniel came to his senses.
And hows little Harry getting on? Margaret switched gears, though her searching gaze never left Emmas face. Hes growing up so quickly, you know, but still
Emmas chest felt lighter at the mention of Daniels son. Memories of the awkward early days resurfacedshe used to worry so much: how would a teenager deal with a new woman in his home? Would he see her as a threat? Try to protect his dad?
Hes wonderful, Emma replied honestly, her smile now a little warmer and more natural. I was so nervous at first, thought he might resent me or keep his distance. But hes honestly such a good-natured, open lad. I couldnt ask for more.
She broke off, smiling at a memory: the day Harry came home from school, tasted her shepherds pie, and immediately declared the house would never be short of good proper food again.
Actually, Emma grinned mischievously, Harry openly admits he trusts me in the kitchen more than his dad. Sometimes he even asks me to teach him a new recipe or two.
Daniel, who had been quietly following the conversation, finally looked up and nodded in agreement. A small smile flickered across his lipshe too was glad Emma and his son had got on so well.
So, has he started asking for a little brother yet? Margaret probed, her tone making it obvious exactly what she had in mind.
Daniel winced at his mothers unsubtle question and shot her a look. Could she really not grasp how uncomfortable these sorts of conversations could be? But that was typical Margaretnever one to shy away from awkward truths, no matter how much it might make others squirm.
Oh, come off it, Mum, Daniel muttered under his breath.
But Margaret blithely went on, her tone cheerful and more than a little playful. Nothing to be embarrassed about! Harry adores his little cousins, and youre only thirty-fiveyouve got plenty of time to have a couple more!
Emma felt a wave of awkwardness rise inside her. Discussing such intimate matters with a woman she barely knew was the last thing she wanted. Hidden from view, she clenched her fingers beneath the table to steady herself.
Im afraid that really isnt an option, Emma answered, controlling her voice to keep it neutral. The doctors strongly advised against me having children.
Silence settled for a moment. Margarets eyebrows shot up, her expression instantly shifting from convivial to chilly, almost professionally detached.
Womens troubles, is it? Margarets sympathy sounded just slightly patronising, her words framing the issue as something not to be taken entirely seriously. Well, medicine moves awfully quick these days. People thought things were impossible once, but look at us now.
Emma drew a quiet breath. Shed have liked to close the conversation right there, but she could sense that brushing off the topic would only give Margaret the wrong idea. She looked to Daniel for backuphe only shrugged as if to say, You have to explain.
In my case, its different, Emma spoke steadily, staring into the air just above Margarets shoulder. It jarred her to have to open up like this to someone who was, in the grand scheme of things, practically a stranger. I have severe eyesight problems. I was diagnosed at eighteen, and Ive had to make my peace with the fact: I cant have kids.
Margaret seemed frozen, wrestling to process what shed just heard. Genuine confusion flickered on her face; she clearly couldnt connect eyesight with childbearing.
Whats your eyes got to do with it? she asked, head cocked. I dont see the link.
Emma paused, selecting her words carefully. Medical details were the last thing she wanted to get into, but it was clear there was no way around it.
Theres a ninety percent chance Ill lose my vision, Emma explained quietly. Pregnancy would put too much strain on my body. Its not worth itwhat good is having a baby if you cant even see them?
She fell silent, giving Margaret a moment to let it sink in. Adjusting her glasses, Emma wanted to make sure Margaret knew: this wasnt some vanity, some ploy to keep her figure. It was a very real threat.
Emma could practically sense Margarets disappointment filling the air. The woman no longer tried to chat; instead, she shot Emma the occasional displeased look, clearly unimpressed with her sons choice of partner. Margaret mustve imagined a sturdy, energetic English girl whod soon fill the house with grandchildren.
But Emma felt no guilt and saw no reason to apologise. She and Daniel had debated it all long ago: their chats with doctors, hours spent poring over advice, nights talking it throughevery discussion led to the same conclusion. The risk to Emmas health was too high. If needs be, they could consider adoption or a surrogate arrangement; it wasnt as unthinkable as some made out.
By the time the couple finally got up to leave, the atmosphere relaxed just a little. Margaret hugged her son, nodded at Emmaa civil enough farewell, but her gesture held no warmth. While putting on their shoes, Emma caught Daniels eye; his look said a silent, Im sorry.
Out in the evening air, both of them heaved a sigh of relief. After everything, the familiar London breeze felt brisk and welcome. Emma took Daniels hand; he squeezed back. No one mentioned the meeting, but both knew it hadnt gone to plan. Still, that changed nothing important: it hadnt shaken their determination to stay together, whatever other people might expect.
***
Three months later
Emma started feeling off more and more frequently. At first, she put it down to work stress or a touch of a bug. But as the exhaustion and morning nausea persisted, she began to worry. Suddenly, the usual smell of brewing coffee or toast made her stomach turn. She tried everythingparacetamol, gallons of water, earlier bedtimesbut nothing helped. At work, shed lose her train of thought, and by the evening, she could barely keep her eyes open.
One night, chatting to her mum on the phone, Emma couldnt help letting her worries slip out. Her voice was quiet; it was hard to hide the fatigue.
Em, sweetheart, her mum said gently after a pause, youre absolutely certain youre not pregnant?
Emma was more baffled than anything. She paused and then replied, Of course, Mum! Ive never once missed a pill. The prescription was given after a proper check-up, and I havent slipped.
Still, her mum pressed on with kind but steely persistence: For my sake, just get a test. Its better to be sure.
Emma nearly argued but something about her mothers gentle firmness convinced her. After all, taking a test would do no harm.
Alright, Mum. Ill pop to the chemist now. Daniels at work, so its a good time. She hung up, grabbed her wallet and coat, and headed out.
The local Boots was just around the cornerbarely a five-minute walk. Emma hurried, her mind racing: What if Mums right? But that doesnt make sense Everything was under control.
Inside, she hesitated in front of the test kitsa whole array of brands and packages greeted her. Ultimately, she picked up two mid-priced ones (no point being stingy about this kind of thing). Paid quickly and strode home.
At home, Emma spent a moment bracing herself in the hallway. Her hands shook as she opened the packaging and followed the instructions to the letter. Waiting felt endless. She checked the clock, checked the teststhen, there they were: two strong, blue lines stared back at her. The second test told the same story.
How? Emma gasped, the shock and confusion gripping her. How is this possible? I was so careful!
Right then, the buzzer rang noisily. Emma jumped. Who could that be? But she quickly realisedit must be Harry. The boy often forgot his keys after a mad dash home from school.
She quickly binned the tests, smoothed her hair and dashed to the door. Sure enough, there was Harry at the step, out of breath and backpack slung over one shoulder.
Lost your keys again? she teased with a smile.
Yeah, he admitted sheepishly. Didnt realise until I was already halfway home
Emma ushered him inside and hurried to make some food for him, never suspecting that one of the tests had missed the bin and was lying blatantly on the floor
***
Daniel, Im going to stay with Mum for a week; shes not been feeling too good, Emma said, refusing to meet his gaze. It made her feel sick inside to lie to the man she truly lovedbut right now, telling the whole truth felt impossible.
Daniel closed his laptop at once, concern clear on his face. Do you want me to come? Or bring anything up? Your mum shouldnt be alone if shes unwell
Emma gave him a tired but fond smile. His willingness to help touched her, but it only complicated things further.
No, its fine, honestly. Thanks though. Ill call if anything comes up.
She turned away to throw a few things into a duffel bagjumper, jeans, a couple of t-shirts, underwear, toothbrush Every minute countedher train left for Cambridge in under an hour and she still had to get to Kings Cross. Her mum would meet her, which was a small comfort; at least someone would understand, no questions asked.
Ring if you need anything, okay? Ill come up in a flash, Daniel insisted as she hugged him goodbye.
Ill be back soon. Promise you wont even have time to miss me!
The journey was a blur. Emma checked her phone every few minutesmessages from Daniel, calls from her mum. She held on to one thought: get there, sort things, come back. Then, when everything had settled, shed tell Daniel. Straight, honest, no fudge.
The next day, Emma visited a private clinic. Shed booked online the night before, picked a doctor based on reviews, handled it all as quietly as possible. The appointment was quick: check-up, bloods, a scan. The doctor, a calm woman in her forties, went through the resultsthen looked up with the gentle certainty of someone used to giving weighty news.
Yes, youre pregnant, she confirmed. About five, maybe six weeks along.
Emma just nodded. A faint hope had lingered that the tests were a fluke, the labs made a mistake. But there was no longer any doubt.
But I was on the pill! How? Emmas voice wavered, a mix of bewilderment and panic. How could this have happened? Shed been so careful!
Sometimes, the medication can be faulty, the doctor explained calmly. Or other factorsantibiotics, certain foods, stomach upsetsreduce its effectiveness. Its uncommon, but it does happen.
There was a short pause, the doctors tone gentle. From what youve told me, you arent planning to continue the pregnancy, are you?
Emma closed her eyes. Shed asked herself the same question a thousand times in recent days. Old warnings echoed in her earsthose hospital conversations, the statistics, the real risks. She took a steadying breath.
Nine to oneIll go blind. Would you risk it in my shoes?
The doctor nodded, evidently seeing these cases before. Emmas decision, it seemed, was perfectly understandable.
I understand. Ill order some further tests, to make sure we act as safely as possible.
She turned to her computer, tapped out a few forms, then handed the stack over to Emma.
Come back tomorrow with the results, and well discuss next steps. If youre at all worried, ring the clinic and Ill speak to you directly.
Emma took the papers and absent-mindedly smoothed them. Her mind was still whirling, but now the thoughts at least had some order. She thanked the doctor and left. In the corridor, she stopped, leant against the wall, breathed in and out, focusing on the simple facts. Tomorrow would be another dayone shed face head on.
***
Em! Daniel sounded positively buoyant on the phone, enough to make Emma tense. Why didnt you tell me?
Emmas heart seized. She gripped her phone tightly, trying to keep her hands steady.
Tell you what? she replied, wary and, she hoped, even-voiced. What do you mean?
That youre pregnant! Daniel blurted, unbridled hope in his voice.
Emma shut her eyes for a second as her mind scrambled.
What makes you say that? she answered, striving for calm as her heart thumped in her ears.
I found the test on the bathroom floorthe one with two lines, Daniel explained, sounding genuinely overjoyed. Ive already booked you an appointment with a brilliant consultant. I want to be there, every step of the way.
Emma exhaled quietly, searching for the right words to gentlybut firmlyput a stop to this train of thought.
Dont get carried away, she said, as gently as possible. There has to be some mistake. You know I take the pill every day, and strictly as the doctor told me. This just cant be right.
A long pause. Emma could fairly hear the cogs turning in Daniels head.
Well actually he admitted sheepishly, hesitant now, Mum dropped by recently and found your pills. She was insistent that your diagnosis isnt nearly as serious as you think. She went on and on, talking about her friends who had babies with the odds against them and everything came out fine. Modern medicine, she kept saying She pressed so hard that, Im afraid, I let myself be convinced.
Daniel trailed off, as if bracing for her reaction. A twist of frustration unwound in Emmas chest. She understood he only wanted to believe the best was possiblebut why did he think it was something anyone else should decide for her?
Waitare you telling me you tampered with my medication? Her voice was steady but beneath it, a storm was brewing.
No! Nothing of the sort! Daniel rushed to protest. I just when you dropped the bottle, Mum said maybe it was a signa chance to take a risk. So I replaced the pills with vitamins. I wanted us to have a family. Mum said it would be fine Im sorry.
Emma felt as if a cold hand was squeezing her heart. Shed spelt out how important those pills were so many timesthe sheer seriousness of missing even one. Shed told him about the warnings. Yet, hed chosen to act behind her back, convinced Mum knows best.
Are you actually serious? You knowingly did that? Trusted your mum and switched my medication?
Daniel shifted, his discomfort clear. I only wanted the best for us, he mumbled, studying the floor.
For us? Emmas voice shookshe was too angry to hide it. You never even talked to me! You knew everythingthe risks, whats at stakeand you went and did it anyway!
She forced herself to calm her hands, to keep her words clear. Look, I dont have time for this. Can you come and meet me by the bandstand in the park, the day after tomorrow? Noon. Well talk then.
Of course! Ill be there! Well sort this out, I know we will!
Emma offered no reply, just ended the call. Fury surged up inside her, mingled with disbelief. Daniel had deliberately thrown away her medicationafter all those years of discussions, all those medical appointments, all the explanations. Because his mother convinced him? As if it were his health at risk?
How could he treat her trust, her safety, so recklessly? Emma knew she could no longer rely on anything resembling shared values between them. The morning-after discussion would make her position clear.
On the day, Daniel was early, clutching a bouquet of white rosesher favourite. He paced nervously by the entrance, convinced that with enough explaining, all would be right again.
But at noon, Emma arrived, arm-in-arm with her older brother Will. Her face was stony, unreadable. She ignored the flowers Daniel thrust at her. Instead, she took a piece of paper from her bag and held it out.
Whats this? I dont Daniel stammered, confused by her icy tone.
Its confirmation that there wont be a child, Emma said quietly. You knew about my diagnosis. You decided to risk my health because you thought you knew betterlistening to your mother instead of the doctors. Ill be back for my things tomorrowwith Will. I dont want any arguments.
Without looking back, she turned to leave. Daniel took a faltering step after her, calling: Please, Emma, wait! Lets talk!
She didnt so much as glance over her shoulder. When Daniel tried to follow, Will stepped forward, standing solidly in his path, his stance brooking no argument.
Youre lying! Daniel shouted, his anger and fear pouring out. I talked to medical professionals! With all the modern treatments, the chance of blindness is tiny! You just dont want a baby, thats all!
Emma stopped and turned. Her face had gone pale, but her voice was cold and unflinching.
You went to the doctors without me? Discussed my medical historymy bodybehind my back? Do you even know my actual diagnosis?
Daniel falteredthe first trace of real doubt in his eyes.
I wanted us to have a future, Em! You said before we could consider adoption, or a surrogate why not our own child?
She closed her eyes a moment; when she opened them, pain glimmered in her gaze. This isnt a game. Its my sight, my life. Do you understand I could go blind? Be dependent? Unable to work, care for myself? Could you actually live with that outcome?
Daniel tried to respond, but Emma cut him off.
What did these experts actually tell you? Did you ask about the real statisticsthe actual cases? Do you know how many women with my diagnosis lose their sight during pregnancy? Or did you just hear what you wanted to?
Silence hung thickly in the air.
You betrayed my trust, Emmas voice was calm but resolute. You knew how important those pills were, how long it took me to accept my reality. And you tossed all that asidefor what? Some fantasy your mum spun for you?
Now Will closed the distance, ready to intervene, but only because Emma had asked him to stand firm.
I cant have anything more to do with you, Emma finished, her words final. I cant spend every day wondering what youll do next, what else youll decide is best for us.
Daniel looked ready to protest, but she left him standing there, looking utterly lost. He watched as Emma and Will walked off, her brother steady by her side.
When they finally disappeared from sight, Daniel sunk onto a bench, still clutching the roses. As he stared blankly at the white petals, it dawned on him: it wasnt just the child that hed lost, but Emma toothe woman he claimed to love.
And, for what felt like the first time, he wondered: What if she was right all along? But it was far, far too late.
