Cockroaches
The cockroaches in Mollys head were dancing a jig. A lively one, really spirited.
They spun their tiny legs in twinkles and, perfectly in time with the music that seemed to get louder and louder in Mollys mind, they stomped twice and clapped thrice, having the time of their lives.
Generally, Mollys cockroaches were well-behaved. Quiet, polite, even rather poshin the world of imaginary insects, anyway. If nothing else, they were certainly refined enough. Molly had spent ages perfecting their breeding since she felt she didnt have enough of her own quirks to go around.
Her gran always told Molly that cockroaches in your head were a blessing, really. If a persons got a few, it means theyre anything but ordinary. A real character, as she put it. Lifes definitely more fun for themand for everyone else nearby. Theres hardly enough excitement in the everyday, after all.
And, when it came to excitement, that was never Mollys invention. Her gran, Maureenproper modern, she was. Always using trendy words and bits of youthful nonsense. Well into her eighties, and still full of beans. Always bustling about.
To be fair, Maureen wasnt just Mollys gran, but actually her great-grandmother. But honestly, whos ever bothered with great- this and great- that? If your grans long gone, and your great-grands stepped in and filled her shoes, you just stick with gran, dont you? All those prefixes are just extra details that dont matter.
Molly adored her gran. There was really no one closer to her. Sorry, not counting mum!
Her mum, Elizabeth, nowoh, there was no one like her! Absolutely brilliant, beautiful, the headteacher of a school, no less. Not Mollys school, thoughthank heavens! That was grans doing, of course. Gran insisted mum send Molly somewhere proper, instead of to her own school.
Why saddle the poor girl with your problems? Gran said.
What do you mean? Mum asked.
Well, shed be just a normal kid there, not the headteachers daughter. Dont mess up her reputation. Shell need it one day. Easy to lose, hard to get back. Why am I explaining this, youre not a child anymore!
Gran and Mum spoke their mindsnever sugar-coating anything. Thats just how Gran thought it ought to be. As for what the real story was, Molly wasnt sure, but she could see the results. Gran had looked after Mum since she was five, when Mums own motherGrans daughterpassed away. What happened, Molly didnt find out for ages. Neither Gran nor Mum liked talking about it.
It was an accident, Molly. Just a foolish accident. An icicle Someone slacked off, didnt clear the roof in time, and that cost a life. All because someone didnt do their job. At least it was only one life taken. Your mum was walking with your granny. If she hadnt pushed her away, Id have been all alone.
Gran, could that sort of accident happen to anyone?
Want me to be honest?
Yes!
To anyone at all, darling. You, me, even the Archbishop of Canterbury. Anyone. But thats not a reason to live in fear.
Then whats it for?
To remind us to live, Molly! Every minute, as if its your last! To give the world something specialor even something truly exceptional. Give as much as you can, ask for nothing back, just try to leave the world brighter, kinder, lovelier. Theres too much darkness already. Without any help from us.
Gran, thats easy to say. Doing its a different matter. I know that.
Good! Im glad you do. Means youre thinking the right way! Means your cockroaches are clever ones, growing nicely.
My WHAT are growing?! Ew, Gran! What have cockroaches got to do with anything?
Molly really wasnt keen on bugs. Oh, she liked the butterflies and beesthose were sweet. But cockroaches? Ugh. Just the thought made her skin crawl.
Ugh! Gran! Theres a cockroach!
Dont touch it! Might have babies Gran would deftly swipe the intruder with her slipper and look around with a predators eye. See any more?
No! But Gran, you said it might have babies
Thats right! Im just wondering where they are!
Cue massive spring clean, and Molly knew the cockroach family probably wasnt long for this world.
It wasnt until she was older that Molly got itGran was just sparing her. Didnt want her shrieking the house down, but also knew Molly wasnt great in a crisis. By the time she made a move, the cockroach would have grandchildren.
Everyone knew that about Mollyfrom Gran to her gymnastics coaches.
Shes got to do something elseshes bendy, shes got the skills, but she takes too long to make decisions. Thats risky, theyd say. Think about it, please!
Ill think about it, Gran said, and off Molly went to join the chess club.
She loved that club. Nobody rushed her. She could ponder for ages, and people actually congratulated her for it. Perfect! Needless to say, Molly stuck with chess for ages.
Gran was dead proud of her. Shed march up and down the street with Mollys latest trophy so all the neighbours would see.
Molly, youre a star!
Oh Gran, thats scary!
Whys that?
I remember you telling Mum that starry-eyed folk never find happiness. So, Id rather not, thanks very much!
You misunderstood!
Explain it, then! Im a child!
And Gran always did explain. Every question Molly asked, Gran would answer with feeling and detaileven if Mum wasnt too keen sometimes.
Mum, what have you been telling her? Mum said one day, exasperated. She asked me what in the club meant today! Whyd she need to know that? Shes only thirteen, Gran!
Why not? Kids these daystheyre growing up faster than ever. You should ask Molly what happens in her class these days. The dramas and romances would have you blushing. Ive been married three times and even I feel naïve. Molly never tells you anything, does she?
She doesnt
You never ask. Were all like this, Mollyits in the Smith family. Innocent on the outside, but our cockroaches do the can-can inside our heads, believe me. Have a chat with her. And dont worry, I havent told her anything she doesnt need to know. Shes brightshe remembers everything.
Mum, what am I supposed to do about all her clever questions? How am I supposed to talk to her?
The same way I talked to you. Remember?
You never hid anything. Always told it straight. But why?
Because life hits harder if you dont see it coming. Better to prep Molly now, than to let her learn the hard way. Even youyou were supposed to be sensible, but then you had Molly at nineteen. No husband. Doesnt always work out nicely.
Gran! Mum protested.
Oh hushI get it, love and all that. And you didnt know anything about Mollys fathers family. Its not ideal, but what matters is we have Molly. Shame youre on your own, though. Thats what worries meyoung, smart, lovely, but no personal life. Not good, Liz.
Gran, dont start
I wont, if you stop overthinking things. One mistake isnt a reason to give up.
I havent given up! And Mollys not a mistake.
I never said she was. I meant your Im madly in love phase. Remember when you stormed off? I spent two weeks searching for you all over Manchester.
I remember When you found me, you didnt even tell me off. You brought your cabbage pie, acted like nothing happened. No rows, no drama. Gran, I do love you
I know. Now let me get on with raising our child!
I wont interfere
Elizabeth, Mollys mum, eventually found happiness, too. Molly was nearly sixteen by then. For almost a year, Elizabeth had been seeing a man, but hadnt quite dared to tell the family she wanted more than just tea and chats.
Molly found her out by chance. Shed popped into a café with friends and spotted her mum holding hands with a stranger, looking different. Molly had never seen her mum transformed by a smilelooking years younger. It was the first time Molly realised her mum was far from old. At first, she was a bit shaken, but by the time she reached home, shed made her peace with it.
Gran, did you know?
That your mums seeing someone? Had a feeling.
I dont want to get in her way
So, dont. Whats the problem?
What if he hurts her?
Molly burst into the kitchen, out of breath, where Gran was rolling out pastry for pasties. Gran dusted off her hands and pulled Molly into a hug.
Whos going to let him? Our Liz isnt alone. Theres plenty of us to stick up for her.
Molly noddedGran knew what she was talking about. She might seem the sweet old lady making pasties and cuddling grandchildren now, but shed been a detective, a formidable one. Brought down two serial criminals, still had contacts everywhere. If Gran wasnt worried, Molly decided she shouldnt be, either. Deep down, she reckoned Gran had done her homework on Mums new fella, and if Grans forehead wasnt creased with that tell-tale frown, things must be fine.
Still, it was hard to let go when Mums boyfriend, Andrew, came over to propose. Not just a nice family dinner, mind you, but a proper proposalring and all. Molly had to give her blessing. Andrew was so sincere, and, for the first time, Mum lost that constant worried furrow between her brows. Molly liked seeing her that way.
It took Molly a while to get past her jealousy, though. She couldnt really hide it, especially when her little brother, Alex, arrived and Mum positively glowed. Molly let Gran know exactly how she felt about it.
Oh, we raised you wrong, love! Not enough strictness in your life! Gran snapped, genuinely annoyed.
Gran, what?!
Honestly! I thought you didnt want to move inyou know, give the newlyweds some space, be grown-up about it. Turns out, youre just sulking! Im disappointed in you.
Gran! Its not that Im against it, just that
Just that youre hurt. Because now Mums not just yours? Listen, chick, youre not on your own anymore. Me and Mumwere not going to be around forever, and now, with your brother, youve someone to lean on. Did you ever think of it like that?
I havesort of. Its just
Still hard?
Yes! Gran, why am I so impossible?
Youre not. Youre just used to having Mum all to yourself. Now youve got to share. So what? Dont split hairs about it.
How can I not?
You just do. You want your mum close? Then be there for her. Pop over after uni, help with the baby, and youll still get your share of love and attention. Anyone can takegiving back, thats the real test. Loves all about that. The more you give, the more you get. Or do you doubt your mum loves you?
No, never!
Well, then try and get your cockroaches in order! In a couple years, youll have your own family, Molly. Time to grow up, isnt it?
Which, frankly, was a little off-topic. Molly had plenty on her plateexams, college plans, and then there was Tom. Not a boyfriend, not at first. In fact, shed practically been at odds with lanky Tom from the other class since their first run-in.
They collided on the stairs before a September assembly, Molly in her best dress, dashing to pick up the event script. She tripped and twisted her ankle, and Tomquiet glasses-wearer, barely noticeablepicked up her bag and held out a hand.
Careful there, he said.
Really? Could help me up at least! snapped Molly, in pain.
I am. Youre being illogical.
She ignored his hand and limped off, feeling even more annoyed when she saw how unconcerned he looked.
Her form teacher, Mrs. Lawson, quickly noticed.
Molly, whats happened?
Its nothing. Just need to watch where Im going.
You should see the nurse right away!
Ill go later, Mrs. Lawson.
Later? No, Molly, that ankle looks rough!
Tom, wandering past, dropped her bag on a chair and asked, Want help to the nurse? Could be a sprain.
Oh, must you hover! I can handle it, Molly grumbled, though deep down she knew he was only trying to be helpful.
Tom shrugged and left, while Mrs. Lawson shook her head.
Molly, hes a nice lad, Tom! Bright as they come, going to study medicinejust like you. Whats the trouble between you two?
Nothing murmured Molly, still making a mental note of him.
She honestly hadnt spent much thought on her future. But working with children seemed like such important, meaningful work. For Molly, the more complicated the challenge, the better.
And she soon realised her new family was full of challengeslike her little brother, Alex. Loud, stubborn, but sweet, he soon clung to Molly whenever she showed up. Grans plan: make Molly help out with the baby and see where her heart really lay.
In truth, Molly was mostly helping herself. Cuddling Alex, she felt a missing piece slotting into placethough admitting she adored him was weirdly difficult. No amount of Grans advice, or Mums gentle hints, could fix that straightaway.
Problems built up. Yet, the cockroaches in Mollys head seemed to cheer every time a new worry joined the mix. So Molly had to get to work on herself. Her bond with Alex got easierwho doesnt love someone who adores you unconditionally? The other issues took longer to sort.
But it was because of Alex that Molly started questioning whether shed picked the right career.
Gran, what if I dont actually like kids? How can I work with them?
Who says you dont like them all?
I dunno said Molly, a bit lost.
Youre worrying yourself silly.
Maybe. But its something to think about, isnt it? What if Im a grumpy doctor?
Brilliant! said Gran, grinning. Only a thoughtful person worries about that. Youre right: a grumpy doctor has no place with children. Best figure yourself out quickly.
How?
Ill think of something.
Molly never doubted Grans creative solutions. Soon enough, she found herself on work experience.
A friend of mines got a big familykids everywhere, cant sit still for a moment. If you manage with them, youll cope with anything.
But Gran, how do you know them?
Gran didnt answer straight away. She poured herself a glass of squash, stared out the window, then finally told the story.
Theyre from a rough patch in my detective days, love. Verathe mumcame to me years ago, terrified of her stepdad. Her mum had gone missing for months, left Vera to look after three siblings, including a baby. Stepdad said his wife was just running off as usual, but then he started threatening Vera herself. She fought him offher little brother even helped. If not for her, who knows what mightve happened. Eventually, we sorted it with the help of her school friend and his family. Found Veras mumand more. Veras stepdad was a monster, but he got what was coming to him. Vera ended up raising her brothers and building a huge, loving family. Now they’ve got too many grandkids to count, and Vera’s always after help.”
Helping Vera turned out to be exactly what Molly needed. She found her place in the whirlwind of children, and knew then shed chosen her path wisely. Her studies kicked up a gear.
Molly got into university, although she wasnt wowed by her marksshe thought she couldve done better.
Imagine her surprise her first day of uni, Tom pops up in the corridor.
Oh, youre here, too, he said, that calm, slightly amused way he had.
I am. What about you, then?
Im studying here, he replied, ever concise.
Molly learned later Tom was always short on words, hated wasting them. For months, she would scowl when he passed, and hed nod politely as if nothing was wrong.
He finally noticed her properly when she joined a volunteer group visiting children at the local hospital. Molly, struggling to put on a ridiculous orange clown wig, heard Tom behind her:
Well, didnt expect to see YOU here. Lost your way, have you?
The kids burst out laughing at their anticsnone of them guessing what weird chemistry was brewing between their clowns. Suddenly, Molly found she wasnt irritated by Tomespecially as he whirled kids around, made balloon animals, and handed out hugs for free.
Afterwards, as they finished packing up, Tom made her a balloon flower. For you. Good work today.
Thanks, she said, touched.
Fancy a coffee, or heading home? he asked.
Why are you so grumpy? Molly laughed, twirling the flower. Alrightlets get coffee.
Cool. I know a lovely café round the corner. Only got an hour, though.
Whys that?
Im tutoring. Got a student later.
Turned out Tom lived with his mum and tutored for extra money. And the more Molly saw of him, the more she spotted they had the same sort of quirky cockroaches running round their heads. Thats what Gran always said:
Hang on to people whose cockroaches match your ownthere arent many like that about. If you find one, dont let go!
Gran, did you ever meet anyone like that?
Course! All three of my husbands had a fine set of matching cockroaches. My kind, too.
So whyd you split up then, if you got on so well?
Ah, good questionMolly, can I answer that another time?
Why not?
I wouldnt want to unsettle your cockroaches. Let them learn for themselves. But just knowlove and understanding werent the problem. Im still great friends with my exes. Were all good people. It just didnt go the distance for other reasons. One day Ill tell you, when youre ready. Understand?
I think so.
Brilliant. And TomI like him. Top lad. Almost as good as you.
Almost? Molly teased.
Well, he puts up with you, doesnt he? Gran grinned.
Gran!
What?! Its true! Has he proposed yet?
Not yet
Well, brace yourself! I reckon its coming soon. Molly, do you love him?
I think I do
Good, then get your wedding shoes ready.
Gran!
Dont panic. Im not going anywhere till I see your kidsbelieve it. But one day I will, and thats that.
What kids?! Were not even married!
You will be, and theyll turn out brill!
So now, Mollys cockroaches were really having a party in her head
All because, as usual, Gran was right. Tom proposed to Mollyproper ring, down on one knee, the lot.
Mum cried like a baby. Gran clapped, ignoring her arthritis entirely. Vera and her troop turned up, weeping with joy, then hugged Molly tight.
Hes a good one, Molly! Dont let go!
Cant lose him, Auntie Vera. Even if I tried.
Howre you so certain?
Our cockroaches are the same breed. Gran says you mustnt let people like that out of your sight. Might not find another.
Oh, thats what it is! Vera laughed, making the same twinkle with her hands the cockroaches did in Mollys head. That means youre well set! Congrats, my friend. Now, if youll excuse metime to hug your gran. Then Tom. With people like you, the worlds in safe hands!As the party wound down and dusk spilled across the street, Molly slipped out onto the stoop for a moment alone. The evening was cool and golden, and behind her the lights gleamed warm through the curtains. She pressed her palm to her chest, feeling the odd, wild fizz of her heartthe cockroach can-can in full swing.
She thought of Gran inside, holding Alex in one arm, a glass of ginger beer in the other, retelling some impossible story about the old days. Of Mum, radiant, laughing with Andrew. Of Tom, whose big hands had held hers trembling, and would hold them tomorrow and all the days after. Familymessy, patched together, unexpected.
She remembered what Gran had said, once: The worlds always short on joy, Molly. If youre lucky enough to catch any, pass it on. Be generousitll come back to you, sweeter every time.
Out in the quiet, Molly smiled to herself. She could hear, faintly, music starting up in the living roomjigs and laughter and the quick thump of small feet. Behind her eyelids, her silly cockroaches did their own joyful twirl.
She breathed deep, let the moment settle on her like a blessing, and knew: she was exactly herself. All quirks and worries, all tangled history and odd delightsand she wouldnt trade a single bug in her head for anything. Love, after all, was never ordinary. It was wild and unexpected and dazzling, the most beautiful infestation there was.
Molly opened the door, laughter washing over her, her heart as light as the lanterns. And if the cockroaches in her head kicked up their heels in celebration, wellshe let them dance.
