Oh, youre a hard man, William Bennett! No wonder everyone calls you the Lone Wolf! Trying to get you to smile is like getting water from a stone. You just stand there, looking, and you give folks the chills. What happened, William? Lifes not sweet enough, is it?
Martha was still grumbling on, but William stopped listening the moment hed picked up his shopping from the solitary village store. He took the carrier bag and stepped outside in silence.
Oh, by the way, your Lauras come down to see her mum. Shes brought the little lad with her. You hear me, William? And what if thats your boy, after all? Is he to wander the world fatherless? He looks the spit of you!
Her words followed William onto the doorstep and he nearly tripped over the low step. He didnt turn around. What was the point? Youll never convince anyone. And he wasnt the sort to lay his life out for others to judge. Even so, they all think they know everything, and what they dont know, theyll make up. No point explaining. Hed never been one for telling tales. Anyway, it was between him and Laura. No business of theirs.
The spring sunshine, far too hot for April, warmed Williams face and made him squint. His heavy lids dropped and he wore the mask he always did when he wanted to shut the world out. Without opening his eyes, he stepped forward once, twicethen a shout made him jolt.
Watch out!
A little boy darted past and swooped up two puppies, whod been roughhousing on the shop steps.
Please dont crush them!
The boys nose was peeling, his dark eyes slanted and heavy-lidded, his ears stuck out just a touchjust like Williams. The resemblance was stark enough that Marthas gossip might have been gospel, but William knew it wasnt his boy. A relative, likely, but not that close.
Any chance youd like a puppy, sir? Look! Just check out his paws! Like a wolfs. Hell be a strong one!
William gave a short shake of his head and continued on past the post office, not even taking the usual turning home, but cutting through the nearest alley instead. He stopped by the tall fence around the Smiths garden, clinging for breath and wondering how to keep going.
Why had Laura returned? Why bring that boy who couldve been his, if things had gone differently? Had Oliver really left her, then?
Thoughts wrestled for space, leaving no room for relief. His heart ached as it had seven years ago. The mind forgets, but the heart doesnt. And you cant order it to hush either, no matter how you try.
Lucy Smith banged her gate shut, raised her eyebrows in surprise, and came hurrying.
Will! Are you alright? Here, let me help! Or should I call Henry?
Her warm hands steadied his shoulders. William opened his eyes.
No need, Lucy! Ill manage Just need a moment
Nonsense! Lean on me if you must. Take small steps, thats it. Good man! Heavens, youre heavy! William, you mustnt tax your heart like this. Whod be blamed if something happened to you? Me! Theyd say I wasnt watching you properly. Arent you my patient? Ill take your blood pressure and sort you out in no time. Youll be right as rainyoull see. Now walk!
His legs felt like lead, but Lucy was strong. Half carrying him, she dragged William into her garden, snapped the gate shut with her foot and shouted,
Henry! Give me a hand!
After that, everything was hazy. William came to, lying on Lucys worn sofa. His chest felt pressed, and for a moment, he feared itd finally caught up to hima heart attack. But when he opened his eyes and saw the fluffy grey cat curled up against his side, licking her kittenstwo of which nestled right on his chesthe managed a weak smile.
Misty always knows good people. If shes brought her little ones to you, you must be all right, Will. She wouldnt trust just anyone, you know.
Lucy put aside her daughters homework and bustled around William.
There now. Almost yourself again! Good pulse, nice and steady. Will, dont scare me like that again! Its impossible to get an ambulance on these country tracks. And youthinking of dying, are you? Way too soon! Youve chores yet to finish.
What chores, Lucy? Just Daisy and Busterthose are all Ive got left.
Your cows a fine one, Will. But she needs proper care. If you start getting ill, wholl look after her?
Only now William noticed the curtains drawn and the lamp burning.
Whats the time, Lucy?
Lie down! Its late. Youre staying here tonight. Ive already checked in on Daisyshes just fine.
Lucy straightened, put her stethoscope aside, gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek before heading to the kitchen. Henry sat next to William.
You feeling rough?
A bit. Cant say whats wrong.
I know. Laura.
Dont twist the knife, Henry. William turned away, only to meet Mistys inscrutable green gaze.
Even the cat senses it. Henry chuckled, scratching Misty behind the ear. Animals always know. Shes dragged her litter over to you to keep you calm. At first, she sat by the sofa while Lucy sorted you out. Once Lucy said you were sleeping, Misty fetched the kittenslayered every last one of them on your chest. Animals are wiser than us, Will. They follow the heart, not the head. You keep it all bottled up, but how much can a man take? I remember you helping me without needing to ask. So let me do something for you, eh?
What help could you give, Henry?
My grandma used to say: sometimes, youve got to pour your grief out. If youve no one to listen, just dig a hole and shout into it. Holding on to pain will burn you up inside. Youve kept yours for years, thats plain to see. Like that Misty knows youre struggling. I havent asked before, but maybe its time now. We arent wolves, William. Men ought to behave differently. Weve known each other since you started school hereyear seven, wasnt it?
Year eight
Thats donkeys years, Will. Already going grey, and still hiding from each other. When theres trouble, everyone scatters and clams up. Forgive me. I shouldve talked to you a long time ago. Say your piece, and if you want me gone, Ill go. Else, Ill listen and help if I can. You know meIm no gossip.
I know William stroked the tiny kittens, eyes fixed on the wall, finally starting to speak. But whats there to tell, Henry? Im ashamed to recall how it went. You saw how I loved Laura back thenwhen we were just kids. I chased after her even in sixth form. After I came back from the army, I ran straight to her. You stood with us in the registry office, after all. You know everything.
I do. Only thing I never understood is what turned things so sour between you. No one ever twigged. There you were, doing fine, and suddenlybang! Laura was off to the city, and you moved to the cottage miles away. I remember your mum selling the cow and crying, but couldnt explain why.
She didnt know. I told them I didnt love Laura any more. Said I wouldnt stay with her. My folks almost disowned me
Nothing happens without a reason. Why did you walk out on her if you loved her so much?
William turned away; he had no tears left. Hed cried all his pain out wandering the forest like a wounded fox, calling for her, then crumpling to the ground and sobbing like a child.
Theres only one reason for a man to do what you did, and I wont believe Laura cheated. She wasnt like that.
Williams voice dropped. I saw them. With my own eyes. If someone else had said, Id never have believed
Henry exhaled, shaking his head. Tell me exactly what happened.
Its all wrong, Henry. All of it. She lied to me. Told me I was the only one, and I lost more than a wifeI lost my whole family. My parents turned away, the rest of the family too. In our lot, if your wife picks another man, what sort of man are you? Thats the way it goes, and now theres nothing left
Lets not jump to conclusions. Remember when you were away in the city? We all thought you were sorting out that horse farm
It was Lauras idea. She always loved horses. Her dad was the best horseman around. She talked me into going to the city, making contacts. And I went and while I was gone
No one knew a thing. Around here, you can’t keep secrets for long. If there had been rumours, Id have heard. Lucy too.
No one knew because it happened at home, behind closed doors. You dont air dirty laundry.
William covered his eyes, exhaling heavily. Sorry, Henry, its hard. Ive kept quiet for so many years. You were right. Its done me in. What was just a stone has become a mountain inside, smothering me.
Henry croaked, Who with?
With Oliver. My cousin. He came to live here the same time, planning to settle down after his father died. They lived with us for six months. Laura and I were building our own house, hoping to start the farm, thinking about having a family. Laura wanted children desperately. Wed tried, but nothing had happened at first, so we left it. But thenshe was pregnant, but not by me
Ive seen her lad. Fine boy. Henry slapped his neck, frowning. But I still cant believe shed do that to you!
No doubts, Henry. I saw it with my own eyes! William tried to sit up, but Misty the cat gave an angry yowl, laying a paw on his chest. Sorry, darling, I didnt mean
He gathered the kittens close, covering them with his big hands.
Mothers always protect their own, dont they? I knew Laura wanted children, but I wouldnt see a doctor. I didnt want to believe I was the problem. But she found her own answer. If not me, then someone else
Dont twist things! Youve talked yourself into a corner.
Ive had years to work on it.
Isnt it strange, then, that the boy youve run from all these years might be your own?
Careful what you say! Williams voice rose, but Lucy poked her head in, worried, and he softened. I can count. It doesnt add up.
What doesnt?
Olivers mother came by when Lucy had her twins. She explained it all to me.
Proof! But tell me straight, Williamwhat did you actually see when you came home?
They were hugging in the kitchen. Oliver kissed her! She didnt resist! Thats what I saw! Williams voice broke. Henry glanced anxiously at Lucy, who reappeared in the doorway.
Thats enough. Im giving you a sedative, Will, and youll rest. The rest can wait. You need sleep.
William nodded, tears finally falling, and drifted into uneasy slumber.
Henry pulled Lucy into the other room.
Heard it all?
Every word.
Well?
Im going to get to the bottom of it, Henry. Its time all these secrets came into daylight. I saw Laura yesterday. Shes a shadow, just clinging on for her son.
Lucy pulled on her jacket and left. Henry sat back down on the steps, lit a cigarette, and thought hard.
Life, he mused, is a complicated business. You think youve caught happiness, only to find youre holding a feather. He and Lucy had lost parents young, then their own firstborn, thenfive years later, after swearing off children forevertheyd welcomed their girls as the greatest gift. Lucy carried guilt as a doctor for not spotting their sons illness in time. Even now, looking at Lauras boy, Lucys heart achedshe knew what it was for a child to grow up with no father, a mother slipping away, holding on only for the childs sake.
He found William sleeping fitfully, checked in on him, then sat back on the steps, watching for Lucys return. Dawn was breaking by the time the gate rattled and she hurried up the path.
He wrapped her in his arms. Hard going?
Oh, Henry! What people can do to one another sometimes animals are better. Lucy wept like a child, smearing tears across her cheeks before telling her story.
Its Williams son, Henry! Im certain now. His auntI got it all out of her.
How did you manage?
I dont know. Maybe she was just scared, or perhaps guilt finally caught up with her. I went first to Laura, heard her side of things. Shed been kneading dough in the kitchen while thinking about baby names, sure it would be a boy. Then Oliver grabbed her and kissed her. She was pregnant alreadyjust hadnt told William yet. Scared that, if something went wrong again, it would destroy him. Shed miscarried three times before. Never told anyone, not even him. Both of them bottled everything up, like hermits, and look what happened!
Lucy was almost shouting. Henry calmed her with a hug.
And Williams aunt?
Shes to blame for it all! Shed been twisted with jealousy since she and Williams mum were girls. Her sister married the man she wanted, so she waited for a chance for paybackeven years later. She set her son up, knowing it would shatter Williams family. The fallout drove everyone apart. But today, she owned up to her bitterness. I marched her to Williams mum, confessed everything.
And?
She gave her a slapand then they cried together. Williams mother is all gentlenessno spite in her. Shell forgive, but not today. Shes sent them packing. Laura named her son Samuel, after Williams grandfather.
Henry pressed a kiss to Lucys temple. You did it, love.
Not well enough, Henry. We left it far too long. People are odd. All they had to do was speak to each other! Instead, silence, and needless misery. Never mind, thoughcome on, Ill sort some breakfast before the girls wake and Will comes round. Hell have a hard day ahead, putting all this mess right.
The sun stretched gold across the horizon and began to warm the village.
William shuffled out onto the porch, blinking at the bright light spilling over Lucys neat garden. He stopped, startled to hear
Are you my dad?
The boy was sitting on the steps, hugging the puppy from before.
Look at his paws! Like a proper wolfhound. Will he be a good dog, do you think?
William drew a steady breath and sat beside him.
Hes a fine choice. Youve an eye for it.
The boys dark eyes looked straight into his, searching, and William placed a tentative hand on his shoulder.
Yes Im your father, Sam.
Thats good! Come on, lets go home. Mums making breakfast, and Grandmas over. Shes promised to take me to see the horses today. Can I go?
Suddenly, the tight knot inside Williamthe one twisted from all his years of sorrow and silencegave way. Something inside unwound, filling him with a freedom and delight hed long since forgotten. Finding his voice, he stood, nodded, and smiled:
Of course. Now lets go, son. Theres so much for us to doso much aheadSam grinned, clutching the wiggling puppy in his arms. With a sudden whoop, he scrambled down the path, calling over his shoulder, Hurry up, Dadrace you!
For the first time in years, William laugheda deep, rough sound that startled even himselfand chased after the boy, the memory of old pain scattering like dew in sunlight. The sharp smell of damp earth rose around them, chickens flapped in alarm, and the day seemed new and full of promise.
Behind him, Henry and Lucy watched from the porch, arms around each other, their girls peeking through the window with sleepy smiles. Across the garden, Lauras silhouette appeared at her mothers gate, hand pressed to her chest as she watched her son clutch Williams free hand.
He stopped at the gate, glancing back at her, something unspoken passing between thembridging every broken moment with hope. She gave a small nod, her lips trembling into a smile.
William squeezed Sams hand, opening the gate wide.
Come on, lad, he said. Lets go meet the day.
And so they walked together down the lane, the puppy trotting at their heels, as the village woke to a gentle breeze and a worldfinallyset right.
